Bipolar check-in #56

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour .... I will also be making (homemade) what is called "Bishop's Bread". That is a loaf cake made with lots of egg whites, as well as chocolate chunks, roasted chopped hazelnuts, and lemon zest. It's my mother-in-law's recipe, so it will be popular. We'll have our house and property looking very nice for their arrival, but unfortunately the weather forecast is kind of lousy, with some rain expected. Oh well! Unlike what the poor folks in places like Portland, Seattle, and British Colombia are experiencing, the temps where I am are suddenly lower than normal. Today's high is only 69 F (21 C), with the upcoming days only barely higher, until next Wednesday. The low evening temp tomorrow will be only around 53 F (12 C). How weird the world's climate is nowadays!

Bishop's Bread sounds absolutely delicious.

The climate oddness is frightening. 115 degrees yesterday in Vancouver?!

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I can feel my mind unraveling. I know I am unwell and unstable. I am having intense SI and feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t want to miss my daughter’s visit and I loathe inpatient but that’s where I may be headed. I’m not capable of doing anything but staring at the wall so it’s every man and woman for his and her self right now in this household. I’ll contact my sister this morning to step in. I just keep thinking if I try hard enough or think hard enough, I’ll pull out of it. In any event, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend including a good 4th.

I'm sending love and good vibes, Jennifer

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Originally Posted by Lizzie1813 Not really sure how I feel today. I guess I’m just “meh.” It’s gloomy out, and that always affects me. Not that I get outside much. I don’t have a car so I’m pretty much stuck in my apartment. My cousin lets me borrow her car when I have a doctor’s appointment for which I’m very grateful. On those rare occasions when I feel motivated, I enjoy drawing and painting. Maybe I’ll do some today. I have a sketch I could paint with watercolors. It’s a girl from my imagination. I hope I don’t end up just binge watching Netflix to distract me from the fact that I’m missing my son. It works, but I know it’s not healthy. I hope everyone has a good day.

Pretty drawing! I can easily envision it done in watercolors.

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Originally Posted by Lizzie1813 I’m so happy for you! Moving into a nice, new place is exciting. It sounds like you’re doing well. I’m glad!

Thank you, Lizzie

Thank you so much! She was fun to draw.

The temperatures up north are scary. Hundreds of people have died from the heat...very few places in Washington and Oregon have a/c, and they probably don't in Vancouver, either. We've had normal temperatures here this week, so far.

I'm excited to be moving. I don't have an exact date yet, but I'm thinking it'll be about this time next week. My husband (we don't live together) is being a downer about me renting the new apartment. He likes my current one, hates change (even if to a better situation), plus he's being pissy about having to move heavy things (I don't have much at all). I really wish he'd think about how I feel, instead of considering only his own feelings. I hate having to move in with all of his negativity dragging me down.

Great news for next week though! I can finally, after 14 months of telehealth, see my therapist and my pdoc in person! That will be such a breath of fresh air. I'm completely burned out on teletherapy.

I’m so glad you get to move to a new apartment. I totally get it!

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m so glad you get to move to a new apartment. I totally get it!

Thank you so much, Nammu

I took my morning Geodon at 7PM. I had taken my 100 mil around 4:30. I wanted to sleep longer and not be hungry for today. It kind of worked. I woke up to eat pizza Goldfish at 1 and I had some ramen for breakfast. I’ve already taken 2 of my 3 Valium and they aren’t doing much probably from lack of Geodon. Overall my moods are controlled. I’m drinking caffeine free diet Mountain Dew instead of zero sugar Dr. Pepper and Pepsi today. I feel like I can’t really handle the caffeine. I did get a $1 Diet Coke from sonic and I had a glass of iced coffee that came from a carton. I’ve pretty much cut out Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts after switching to cartons of iced coffee and drinking that instead. I’m trying to cut out fast food and I’ve been doing a pretty good job overall. I used to get stuff sometimes twice a day. Now I just eat frozen vegetables and pantry food. Sometimes I’ll get an ice cream cone. I haven’t gone out to eat since June 3rd. I don’t know if my behaviors including “med manipulation” as my therapist called it are becoming an issue or not. My 7 year old nephew commented on my weight loss yesterday. A lot of it though is just fat turning into muscle and my weight shifting like it’s supposed to on my shots.

Edit: I’m gonna take a 20 mil Geodon cause this anxiety sucks.

Second edit: I took the 20 mil Geodon and I ate some grilled zucchini and I feel less anxious.

Who’s the 28 year old
Man?

How many people are in your household?

I agree , especially if you’re working , then it’s agony.

I don’t have a car and I get out every day whether for work, church, meetings or exercise.

Yeah I’m just thankful we don’t have a heatwave like that right here right now. We’ve had a couple of really hot days where the city opened a cooling center. Climate change is scary . I have older friends who live in Oregon. I hope they are ok.

Are you and your husband separated?

Well, this morning before the negative thoughts settled in I had this insight that it’s not good to be intimate with someone who has a diagnosis , refuses therapy and medication, self medicates, and is enabled by and enmeshed with their mother. I am gaining stronger ego boundaries and I think that’s due to recovering from my own self medication disaster . Last night I had a positive interaction with a male that made me feel happy and made me realize something I was missing in my relationship. To me, gender differences are important. As an example of what I don’t like, my ex bf would complain about having to make a move because he was the guy. Well, that’s not feminism, to me that’s being lazy and also not willing to risk rejection . A lot of females enable my ex bf. His mom made a cold apology to me “I’m sorry you got hurt”, as if some how I was the one with the problem .

I’m a trans man. I started transitioning 15 months ago. Mentally I’ve always been male.

That’s what I thought

I do go to church with my cousin. How do you get around without a car?

Walk , bike ,Uber/lyft , bus or a ride with a friend .

3. I’m a caretaker for my brother and mother - both of whom are in poor health and can’t live alone. Occasionally, I am too ill to care for them.

I’m kind of bummed about that athlete who failed the drug test. She was so happy when she won the race and hugged her grandma. From what I was getting from The Today Show interview she did she was using marijuana to help cope with her mother’s death a week before the race. But I know there are rules that need to be followed.

Tbh the news hasn’t been very good at all this week with Bill Cosby, and Britney Spears, and the Florida building collapse and now this.

Tomorrow, we go to my cousin's house for his annual 4th of July party. Usually, it's potluck but this year he's having it catered. There will be alcohol, s'mores and fireworks. 🔥 It's all family. Some on my cousin's side and some from his wife's.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I’m kind of bummed about that athlete who failed the drug test. She was so happy when she won the race and hugged her grandma. From what I was getting from The Today Show interview she did she was using marijuana to help cope with her mother’s death a week before the race. But I know there are rules that need to be followed. Tbh the news hasn’t been very good at all this week with Bill Cosby, and Britney Spears, and the Florida building collapse and now this.

I feel bad for the athlete, too. Since mj isn't a performance drug I think they should give her a break.

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Originally Posted by leomama Yeah I’m just thankful we don’t have a heatwave like that right here right now. We’ve had a couple of really hot days where the city opened a cooling center. Climate change is scary . I have older friends who live in Oregon. I hope they are ok. Are you and your husband separated?

We've been married for almost 40 years. He's a hoarder, I'm a clean freak. We live 1 mile apart. It works well