Bipolar check-in #56

No I don’t work. For right now I have to live with her since I don’t have a job and I don’t drive either. So I rely on her for transportation. A hotel would probably be about $110 for one night and it would most likely go on a credit card.

Thanks. I almost got angry at her this morning about it but I just waited out my emotions and I’m ok now. She just keeps saying things will work out but they aren’t. The only thing that has been happening this past week is emails and calls that aren’t being returned, or being told no by the insurance company. I haven’t made any actual progress this past week with anything.

Those in the know say it’s preferable to avoid words like always and every time. I will attempt to do that now. It seems to me that many times when my daughter is about to visit and I’m trying to get things ready, chaos occurs. We have a lake beside the house from a leak from Lord knows where. We just fixed one last month when our water bill was $400. The plumber said he “hoped they fixed it”. Apparently not for long. The heating element on our dryer has gone out and mom has hurt her back and can’t walk or move around much. Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!! Just one full week of peace and quiet please.

I asked my med provider to take me off Lithium due to potential kidney damage and put me on something else and she refused. She said that since I’ve been on Lithium I’ve had no SI. Not only is that incorrect but it’s gone beyond that. I feel unheard. I guess I could just quit taking it on my own but I don’t like that idea.

Oh well. One thing at a time. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I am struggling on this vacation. I’m just overwhelmed by having to be with all these people day in and day out. I feel awkward about anything from getting some food or a drink to sitting outside and watching my show. Yesterday I felt super awkward because I was the last one up, even though it was only like 7:15am. I felt lazy. It’s not relaxing to me. But I did have fun watching my son on the beach yesterday. He loved the water. I went in a little bit. I’m not down with putting my head under the water but I stood in the surf.

I was lucky and did not get sunburned. I had memories floating through my head of two years ago when I got second degree blistering sunburn and it got infected, so I really lathered up in sunscreen. RS and my son got toasted though. They had sunscreen on too but it must have gotten washed off. I should have kept track of time and reapplied it on my son after an hour. But he’s fine, just a little sore.

I just wish it was just a long weekend and not a whole week. But you can’t drive 8 hours for a long weekend! I’m going to try to relax a bit more. I have my program today from 10-1 so I’m not sure what we’ll do after that. Maybe take my son to the nearby arcade.

I had a really tough day today (afternoon, anyway)

had a visit from a new member of the mental health team- and apart from it being totally unexpected and a shock to the system, one of the questions she asked me was.... what are the 5 most important things to move forward?

and I really didn't have an answer for her



which is the truth, but found that I couldn't say that to her because it may end bad for me

so I just told her litirally theo nly things I could think of- move back to my home city, and stop being treated like crap and that I don't have a brain

okay, that last one about being treated like crap is possibly something she can help me with, but moving back to my home city?. who am I kidding. I just don't want anything apart from



so I found the question really hard

when she left I just fell silent and felt so drained.. wishing I could tell her more, but also wishing that I never met her in the first place.

distracted myself by writing my shopping list, and I guess that helped a little.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 Those in the know say it’s preferable to avoid words like always and every time. I will attempt to do that now. It seems to me that many times when my daughter is about to visit and I’m trying to get things ready, chaos occurs. We have a lake beside the house from a leak from Lord knows where. We just fixed one last month when our water bill was $400. The plumber said he “hoped they fixed it”. Apparently not for long. The heating element on our dryer has gone out and mom has hurt her back and can’t walk or move around much. Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!! Just one full week of peace and quiet please. I asked my med provider to take me off Lithium due to potential kidney damage and put me on something else and she refused. She said that since I’ve been on Lithium I’ve had no SI. Not only is that incorrect but it’s gone beyond that. I feel unheard. I guess I could just quit taking it on my own but I don’t like that idea. Oh well. One thing at a time. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

That's a lot of aggravation. But you're on it...one thing at a time is the way to go. As for the lithium - I've noticed that pdocs often don't seem concerned about long-term organ damage, weight gain, blood sugar, cholesterol...I gained so much weight from Seroquel (which, in turn, caused high blood pressure, etc.). My pdoc kept trying to get me to stay on Seroquel and I had to be VERY assertive in saying NO, and sticking with NO. She's finally dropped the subject.

You know better than your pdoc does about how you feel about lithium. I would encourage you to be assertive-plus with her...you don't want kidney damage, and she's incorrect about you not having SI while on the lithium. When all is said and done it really is your body, not hers. I'll bet she wouldn't take a med that causes her to have kidney damage.

How many of seroquel and for what?

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Originally Posted by leomama How many of seroquel and for what?

Seroquel was initially prescribed for severe anxiety that may have caused some delusional thinking. I don't recall the original dose (it was 7 years ago)...it could have been 350mg. During the past year I dropped the dose (with my pdoc's knowledge) to 25mg for sleep. That still caused some problems, so I decided to stop taking the Seroquel entirely. As of this past week-end I'm off the stuff.

Yes. I took Sumatriptan and Tylenol. That got rid of it! It never developed to the point where I had pain at the base of my skull.

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Originally Posted by raging vortex ...

I'm so sorry you had a bad time, I really do understand

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Migraine in both eyes and cheeks and top of head.

Sounds miserable. I hope it passes quickly.

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Originally Posted by Sapien Got my keys back for the day so I can get my injection. I'm scared of driving. I'm sleep deprived and irritable. She's going to ask what she should mention to my aprn and I don't know what to say. I feel better some days, feel worse others. Yesterday I spent pretty much all day pacing and crying. Anxiety's still really bad, I think that's why I can't sleep or eat. I'm hoping to find out my call back day is soon or that through emails the nurses will talk and I'll get to gog up on the vraylar. 1.5mg is like a sugar pill. No effects, no side effects, nada.

I've found that when there are no side effects from a medication that it's not working well enough. I sure hope you can get the dose raised. Be persistent.

It looks like I'll get the upgraded apartment! Of course, I'll be relieved when I actually have the key in my hand. Moving shouldn't be too bad, since the apartment is only 3 doors away from me. No stairs involved, as I'll still be on the 2nd floor. I am worried because there are holes in this apartment's walls where I've hung things up. I hope I don't have trouble with that.

Ugh, insurance isn't covering my injection so my appointment for today is postponed while the docs cut up some red tape, which means any psychotic symptoms I have now (had a couple hallucinations, some bouts of paranoia) will get even worse than they usually are before an injection. They called just as I was heading out the door too. I'm tempted to search for old Risperdal from before I was on injections, but I wouldn't know what dose to take. My mom took my meds, but she didn't hide them so I still have access to a months worth of temazepam, a months worth of lithium, and all the others. I have my keys now too. I should go out.

Yay!,!!!!

@BethRags, that's great news about the apartment transfer. I hope it is not only exciting but allows you to even better enjoy your home environment. You deserve the most pleasant place possible!

@wildflowerchild25, where there be at least a couple nights in a row when you stay in the same hotel? If so, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you "staying back at the hotel" for short periods when everyone else goes elsewhere. I have done that in the past, myself. Nothing wrong with it at all!

@Sapien, I do hope the red tape is solved quickly. Ugh! Insurance companies in the US!

I'm happy to report that this morning both my husband and I received our insurance cards for Czech public insurance. We are insured in our new country! This is great news for us! A couple days ago, my husband spoke with an HR person at his old company in the US. They said that given his over 30 years at the company, he would qualify for the grand benefit of being able to pay into their insurance coverage. They said it would cost about $650 per month for him and about $750 if I would also need to be insured. Who in the heck has this kind of money other than super rich people? And like before, that's BEFORE annual deductibles, NOT INCLUDING co-pays, and of course not including dental coverage and medication co-pays that are the average ridiculous price, if not generics. They can shove that insurance up...It's criminal! Instead, our new universal public health coverage (that every single Czech in the country has) costs only about $200 per month for the two of us, combined. Has zero annual deductibles, basically zero doctor co-pays, cheap hospital co-pays, allows pre-existing conditions, includes dental and vision coverage, and the medication co-pays are comparatively nothing or in some cases nothing. I'm only praising this so much because I am truly sad that my fellow Americans have to pay so much. It's wrong! Health coverage, in my view, is a right. And never ever ever should being sick break the bank! People shouldn't have to avoid getting medical help because of the costs, especially not in one of the so-called richest countries in the world. Wrong! This discrepancy is one of the bigger reasons my husband and I made the big move, despite loving the US.

I haven’t heard back from my insurance company. So I guess I’ll just start with this new therapist and pay $100 a session. I guess If I put $50 on my debit and $50 on my credit card it won’t be too bad in the long run. I wanted to work with her anyways. Today I feel a noticeable difference in how I feel today vs how I felt these last 10 days. So yeah it was most likely PMDD. I woke up and I didn’t immediately go for a valium. I didn’t take one until right before we left the house to go out. I went to the pet store and got a good brand of cat food for my cats. They had been eating meow mix but I am switching them to Royal Canin. There fur is getting greasy and I just want them to eat better overall. Then when I was passing a garden center I was thinking that maybe I need a new hobby. I’ve always wanted a Venus flytrap. I went to a couple garden centers before I found one. I’m naming it Audrey after the plant from Little Shop Of Horrors. Then I decided to get sea monkeys since I’ve wanted those too for awhile. Those took a bit of difficulty finding but I finally found them at Hobby Lobby. I got a glass vase for them too. I only spent about $20 total for the plant, and the seas monkeys and vase. I’m hoping my cats leave both the plant and the sea monkeys alone.

But overall today I’ve noticed a difference in my anxiety and my Valium seems to be working. My moods are well controlled too and since I actually felt comfortable leaving my house to do legit things, not just grocery shopping, I feel like I may be over my PMDD. At least for the next 2 weeks.

Last night I took a muscle relaxer, an extra Geodon, and 20 milligrams of melatonin. I wasn’t really depressed. More like I was frustrated and in pain and just wanted to fall asleep fast. My mom has my meds but she only hides them at night when she goes to bed. During the day she leaves them on the counter and I just take whatever I need. I didn’t tell her about last night though.

What problems did 25mg cause? That’s what I have.

My insurance company just called. They said they couldn’t find a therapist for me but I can see people out of network. Whatever that means. All I know is I can see the therapist I want to, who I am already set up with, and it won’t cost me a ton of money each session. I hope the out of network rule also applies to primary’s so I can still stay with mine, and I also hope it applies to gynecologists so I can see one who’s LGBTQ+ friendly. I’d like to go with the one my primary suggested. But I’m not sure my mom is up for that since he is out of state. I’ll pay whatever I have to for my Pdoc because I’m staying with him even if he’s $300 a session.