Bipolar check-in #56

Well, this morning before the negative thoughts settled in I had this insight that it’s not good to be intimate with someone who has a diagnosis , refuses therapy and medication, self medicates, and is enabled by and enmeshed with their mother. I am gaining stronger ego boundaries and I think that’s due to recovering from my own self medication disaster . Last night I had a positive interaction with a male that made me feel happy and made me realize something I was missing in my relationship. To me, gender differences are important. As an example of what I don’t like, my ex bf would complain about having to make a move because he was the guy. Well, that’s not feminism, to me that’s being lazy and also not willing to risk rejection . A lot of females enable my ex bf. His mom made a cold apology to me “I’m sorry you got hurt”, as if some how I was the one with the problem .

I’m a trans man. I started transitioning 15 months ago. Mentally I’ve always been male.

That’s what I thought

I do go to church with my cousin. How do you get around without a car?

Walk , bike ,Uber/lyft , bus or a ride with a friend .

3. I’m a caretaker for my brother and mother - both of whom are in poor health and can’t live alone. Occasionally, I am too ill to care for them.

I’m kind of bummed about that athlete who failed the drug test. She was so happy when she won the race and hugged her grandma. From what I was getting from The Today Show interview she did she was using marijuana to help cope with her mother’s death a week before the race. But I know there are rules that need to be followed.

Tbh the news hasn’t been very good at all this week with Bill Cosby, and Britney Spears, and the Florida building collapse and now this.

Tomorrow, we go to my cousin's house for his annual 4th of July party. Usually, it's potluck but this year he's having it catered. There will be alcohol, s'mores and fireworks. 🔥 It's all family. Some on my cousin's side and some from his wife's.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I’m kind of bummed about that athlete who failed the drug test. She was so happy when she won the race and hugged her grandma. From what I was getting from The Today Show interview she did she was using marijuana to help cope with her mother’s death a week before the race. But I know there are rules that need to be followed. Tbh the news hasn’t been very good at all this week with Bill Cosby, and Britney Spears, and the Florida building collapse and now this.

I feel bad for the athlete, too. Since mj isn't a performance drug I think they should give her a break.

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Originally Posted by leomama Yeah I’m just thankful we don’t have a heatwave like that right here right now. We’ve had a couple of really hot days where the city opened a cooling center. Climate change is scary . I have older friends who live in Oregon. I hope they are ok. Are you and your husband separated?

We've been married for almost 40 years. He's a hoarder, I'm a clean freak. We live 1 mile apart. It works well

I’m so glad you’re able to get around and be fully immersed in the world. I live in a very small rural community so Ubers and buses are not an option unfortunately. We don’t even have a red light. Lol. My cousin is my only friend.

Do you ever feel like because you don’t have it as rough as some people you shouldn’t be complaining? In 2020 people’s entire families were being wiped out by Covid and they were losing their jobs and their homes. I didn’t know anyone who got Covid let alone died from it. I also am on social security so I was able to quit my job and focus on mine and my families safety. The only thing that really screwed me over was the telehealth therapy sessions. And I wish I could get those and her out of my head because I really shouldn’t be whining about 2020 considering a lot of other people had it a ton worse. I don’t know I feel like I was just being whiny in 2020 because I couldn’t get my way. Like I barely even thought that maybe my therapist felt unsafe going back to work. But all I could focus on was how much I hated doing telehealth. I know my hormones were completely turned upside down and I was developing weird interests and trying to balance all these feelings while dealing with the fear and uncertainty from the virus. But I just really wish I could get past this.

I’ve been lying in bed all afternoon. Things got very bad very suddenly for me. For no apparent reason. This sudden change in behavior is unusual for me since I’m not dealing with PMS. Unless it’s post PMS which I’ve gotten a few times. But it’s rare. It’s very likely it’s post PMS. The symptoms are the same. I inhaled 2 burritos, cheesy potatos, and nachos from Taco Bell and now I feel like I can do pizza for dinner. I only get this hungry during PMS. I mentioned in my last post barely even getting fast food anymore.

I just got my weekly shot. I usually get them Saturday mornings but I wanted to get it done a bit early. Sometimes my mood drops a bit (not like this though) the day before my shot.

That makes it hard to take a break. Of course your brothers attitude of not caring for himself makes your job three times harder.

We are closing thread the new thread is here Bipolar check in thread #57