Bipolar check-in #56

I can’t take Advil or ibuprofen because of my kidney issues.

Funny that when a mental health professional tells me don’t/do something I don’t listen but when a medical doctor tells me don’t/do something I listen.

But Tylenol helps. and turning off the fan helped. But I just drank some cold water and the vertigo is coming back a bit.

I swear I’m just losing my mind. My mom says the water is perfectly fine and others have been drinking it. I had been drinking warm bottled water from the garage with no issue until 15 minutes ago.

My vertigo oil works pretty well. I don’t know if it’s legit or just a placebo but if it works then I guess it’s good.

I am really scared right now and I don’t know if it’s still a vaccine reaction or what. But I am suddenly very nervous. I don’t want to be here. I mean in my new house. not here as in general here. I’m not s or having thoughts of sh. I’m just pretty freaked out.

Well it was an adventure! My poor granddaughter got overwhelmed by all the people watching so so forgot half her dance but still pretty good for 3. Her dress was awesome. I would have been totally overwhelmed too. They held the dance on a hockey floor so it was a huge space but they limited the number of people. Very very few people were wearing masks but a lot like me were carrying them because, do ya or don’t ya? The rules are confusing.

We went out to eat afterwards. There were others from the dance there too. The participants all got a T-shirt.

This is interesting because my sister had a reaction to chemo triggered by cold water...it only happens with cold so you have to avoid it until the chemo is out of your system. I’m not sure why it only happens with cold but it could be a related phenomenon for you.

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Kinda annoyed because people have to be so triggered they get other people going who do not need that kind of stress right now.

Yeah the cold water thing happened right after I got the vaccine. I had some now because I needed to take my meds and it made my brain feel funny and I’m getting a slight headache. I do wonder if it’s some bizarre reaction to the vaccine. I’ll probably get a big case of bottled water tomorrow.

My stress levels are through the roof right now so I took a shower and I feel a bit better. I had salmon for dinner and it made my anxiety better. Salmon actually has been proven to make you feel better mentally. I just need my stress to cool down now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Well it was an adventure! My poor granddaughter got overwhelmed by all the people watching so so forgot half her dance but still pretty good for 3. Her dress was awesome. I would have been totally overwhelmed too. They held the dance on a hockey floor so it was a huge space but they limited the number of people. Very very few people were wearing masks but a lot like me were carrying them because, do ya or don’t ya? The rules are confusing. We went out to eat afterwards. There were others from the dance there too. The participants all got a T-shirt.

That sounds divine! The perfect day.

Yes, the mask thing is so confusing now.

No voices today and I was home alone!! I might be stable I talk to T Tuesday and I have nothing to say. I am quiet and isolating but maybe that's just me?

take it a day at a time!
bizi

Tomorrow is my family member's internment and memorial service. I'm dreading it. I think I don't want to admit he's really and truly gone. I'll be exhausted tomorrow but also just relieved. Then I just have to force my brother to get down here and distribute my bio-father's ashes too.

good luck tomorrow!
may there be some healing.....
bizi

Thanks Bizi. It's weird, in a way it's like he's been gone forever already (he died Dec. 15 so it has been a while) but I'm not ready to end it now. Or ever.

He wore this horrible knee brace the last months of his life and I hated putting in on him. I hated that thing so much.. Yesterday I was at the store and was behind a woman who was wearing the same brace. I nearly cried. I threw that thing away about 2 days after he died and yet the sight of another makes me cry.

Grief is weird.

I have never known you to be unpleasant to me

Our other 2 dogs never once have gotten sick in the car, Oh having to wash up cats?? ohhhhhhh I bet that was hard !

Oh I will be posting pics once I get the wall done. The 4 pics I did? Steve loved them so much. Now I need to stay on him to get his boys to send some pics they like.. I could say they are typical "guys" but honestly how in the hell long does it take to text their Father some damn pictures?? Oh I get so angry but I keep my mouth shut.

I'm glad you are trying out someone else for your babies nails. We always were being charged 20 per dog.. Crazy !

Thanks Beth !!! loads of hugs for you

Hellmarts managers honestly do not care about customer service at all. I have asked to speak to a manager probably 10 times over the 17 years here and only twice did one come out... There is only a very small amount of things we buy there. But everytime I go to pick up meds I am just thrilled that the pharmacy staff are outstanding.

Yes I was shocked at Tina's prices for nail clips $15.00, so sweet with my babies, We gave her a generous tip.

Happy Anniversary

Such lovely gifts he gave you. I'm sure he loved his gifts

YEAH Pool time has arrived !!!

I really hope you and your Mom can make that trip, would be great memories

I hope today went okay, losing someone is never easy

I'm here for you anytime

I'm not going to blame the beginnings of a BD episode, because there's no excuse for getting as annoyed & short tempered as I've been the past few days. It might be the heat, or maybe I'm just being an arsehole. Small things seem to be triggering me to a large degree.

My partner went to bed early because I got upset with her for not listening. Like @BeyondtheRainbow, I lost someone very close (my aunt) during the winter, & we're trying to plan her memorial service. My aunt didn't have any children, so I was the closest thing she ever had to a son. I'm an agnostic, but both my sister & my partner are Christian. My aunt was very politically liberal (she watched MSNBC all day) and she took in many stray animals. She had a heart of gold. I did some online research & tried to find a Bible reading that would aptly describe who she was. I found Proverb 31:8-9:

"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy."

THAT was my aunt, but my sister & partner think it's too political & that I'm making the memorial all about me. F-that! Animals are mute...and I'm not going to get into politics, but there are many people who have no voice either. Unlike my sister (who only talked to her a few times a year) I talked to her on the phone almost every night; however, since Christians are taking over, they think they know better than I what is appropriate to add to the memorial service. I have absolutely no objections to other Bible offerings being read! I feel like I'm being silenced, though. What B.S.!

Anyways, I got pissed at my partner for failing to hear me out. I'll still be pissed off in the morning, too. I try not to let resentments linger too long, but this is a major sticking point for me.

I'm sorry for your loss @BeyondtheRainbow, and I'm sorry if I offended any of you who are Christians.

The government tried to force my hand to quit nicotine by banning my juul pods from the state and then banning the shipment of them to my state. I may have mentioned this. So I tried but by today, day five, I was like NOPE CAN’T DO IT. I got the regular pods out of desperation. Honestly the thing is I don’t think this is a good time. I’ll never be able to know if my mood symptoms are hormonal, nicotine withdrawal, or just my brain acting up. I’m in the beginning of adding a new med, i won’t know if it’s helping or not. I DEFINITELY want to quit, I really really do. But I think it’s best if I get more stable first and I’m stronger mentally so I can fight the psychological withdrawal symptoms that come with it.

It’s 1:37am. I’ve taken 100mg of seroquel but um...yeah. Nothing. But I was all swept up in wedding things (ordered save the dates!). And then I just got to thinking about my life and I just had to come out and journal yo get it out. I won’t go into the whole thing here but the basic outline is I believe I have been severely punishing myself for being “bad” and “shameful”. I believe I’ve been this way since I was very little.

I think I see now that the main person in this whole mess I need to forgive is myself. Now just doing it..,

@buddha1too and all:

I'm sorry for your loss buddha1too. Your aunt sounds like a wonderful woman and that you had a special relationship that you valued greatly. You must be heartbroken. My heart goes out to you!

I think that quote you found was very moving and i'm sorry to hear others have objections. I mean, you're an agnostic, respecting their religious POVs -- what more do they want?

Grief twists us all up, i guess. I hope you can reach a compromise and all co-operate about the memorial service.

My mom left money and instructions for a party to be thrown to celebrate her life once she passed. I think i will do the same!

Warmest regards,

Jane.

@~Christina and all:

Thanks for being so gracious!

Glad your wall of pictures is going well. I'm sure it will add to the coziness of your home. Sorry you husband's sons are dragging their feet. Patience is a virtue... Eff that!

Can't wait to see your finished creation!

Have a beautiful day!

Jane.