[imaginethat]

I've been pretty up for several weeks, having moments of irritability, anger, restlessness, and lots of shopping. The worst thing is the feeling that there's a big black smoke monster (remember Lost, except for that smoke monster was gray) behind me. I can't bare to look over my right shoulder for fear that I'll be consumed. It's as if my mind is saying something bad is about to happen.

Has anyone ever felt like this? I'm about to crawl out of my skin, and I'm afraid of what I might say.

Last week, my doc put me on Abilify to bring me down but with a 5mg dosage, I don't think it's doing any good.

I'm scared. I have a regular appt with my Dr on Monday. I'm afraid I might say something I'll regret before then.

[Victoria'smom]

Call your dr tomorrow and tell them you're feeling this way. There's no reason to be that scared until Monday.

[Soupe du jour]

I've definitely experienced what you describe, imaginethat. It's a very horrible feeling. Mixed states have been a major feature of my worst bipolar episodes.

I totally agree with Miguel'smom that you can and should contact your doctor before Monday, if you feel at risk. But if you want to wait, certainly "laying low", as I call it, can be good. I do know that if you have to be around people (i.e. at a job), it's hard. But even with a job we can sometimes find a way to isolate a bit. Also, knowing that you are at risk of saying regretful things is in itself useful. When I had to communicate with someone, I would try to remember to take a few breaths. Even if you have to say you don't feel well (could use "migraine" as an excuse) to put off a meeting, that can be helpful. If it's your family you're worried about, being even more honest should hopefully suffice. "Laying low" is a bit easier nowadays with the mask wearing and online shopping. There's some benefit to it.

[Ursula Shackleton]

Monday is a bit of time away, especially with feelings like those. Still, a week isn't all that long to be on a new med, so it might take a little more time, but if I was in your position, I would go ahead and reach out to the doctor. I've definitely experienced something like that. Mixed states are the WORST. Hope you feel better soon! *hugs*

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Call your dr tomorrow and tell them you're feeling this way. There's no reason to be that scared until Monday.

Good suggestion. I always try to tough it out. Not a good strategy.

My doctor changed up my meds. I'm praying that this helps.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I've definitely experienced what you describe, imaginethat. It's a very horrible feeling. Mixed states have been a major feature of my worst bipolar episodes.

I totally agree with Miguel'smom that you can and should contact your doctor before Monday, if you feel at risk. But if you want to wait, certainly "laying low", as I call it, can be good. I do know that if you have to be around people (i.e. at a job), it's hard. But even with a job we can sometimes find a way to isolate a bit. Also, knowing that you are at risk of saying regretful things is in itself useful. When I had to communicate with someone, I would try to remember to take a few breaths. Even if you have to say you don't feel well (could use "migraine" as an excuse) to put off a meeting, that can be helpful. If it's your family you're worried about, being even more honest should hopefully suffice. "Laying low" is a bit easier nowadays with the mask wearing and online shopping. There's some benefit to it.

This might be the worst I've ever felt (other than with deep depressive episodes), and no other psychiatrist has described it as a mixed state. I'm crawling out of my skin, laughing one minute and crying the next. Total anesthization sounds awfully good right now.

In the davs of the pandemic, which is hopefully coming to an end, many of us work at home. That does make it easier to lay low because I don't have meetings every day though I do have tons of email to answer. That's where I worry about saying things I'll regret.

I can't take time off from work, but I can try to do a little work, stop and play with the cat, work a little more, breath deeply like you suggested, etc. and put off answering non essential email.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Ursula Shackleton

Monday is a bit of time away, especially with feelings like those. Still, a week isn't all that long to be on a new med, so it might take a little more time, but if I was in your position, I would go ahead and reach out to the doctor. I've definitely experienced something like that. Mixed states are the WORST. Hope you feel better soon! *hugs*

I called my doctor after reading everyone's responses. Boy am I glad because now I'm praying and yelling to God to help me, and I don't even believe in God .

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

This might be the worst I've ever felt (other than with deep depressive episodes), and no other psychiatrist has described it as a mixed state. I'm crawling out of my skin, laughing one minute and crying the next. Total anesthization sounds awfully good right now.

In the davs of the pandemic, which is hopefully coming to an end, many of us work at home. That does make it easier to lay low because I don't have meetings every day though I do have tons of email to answer. That's where I worry about saying things I'll regret.

I can't take time off from work, but I can try to do a little work, stop and play with the cat, work a little more, breath deeply like you suggested, etc. and put off answering non essential email.

It sounds like a plan.

Even if you have to put a sticky note on your computer saying "Read through twice before sending." can be helpful. You know that in the end you suffer most when angry emails are sent. You don't need that extra stress.

Feel better soon. Also, it's great that you let your doctor know. That is important information for them, in various ways.

[cinnamonstick]

Mixed episodes are horrible. I cycle rapidly and marinate in mixed states quite often.

2 things I have observed. I do experience a tiny bit of paranoia during this time, and my paranoia is basically thinking everyone is mad at me.
The dark cloud to me is after mania always comes depression and I dread it. It does kind of perch itself on my shoulder.
I make little reminders when I am feeling good that say encouraging things to remind myself when I don't believe it.
I also put together a silly toolkit with stuff that makes me smile. I pull it out and it does provide a little relief. You can't possibly be irritable around gumballs. and scratch and sniff stickers.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry you're struggling! Please do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about calling your doctor earlier if you're feeling bad. It seems like you've already done that and that is good. Did he/she give you any advice on the phone? In any case Hopefully he/she will be able to Help. Keep us updated if you can and want to. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @imaginethat, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by cinnamonstick

Mixed episodes are horrible. I cycle rapidly and marinate in mixed states quite often.

2 things I have observed. I do experience a tiny bit of paranoia during this time, and my paranoia is basically thinking everyone is mad at me.
The dark cloud to me is after mania always comes depression and I dread it. It does kind of perch itself on my shoulder.
I make little reminders when I am feeling good that say encouraging things to remind myself when I don't believe it.
I also put together a silly toolkit with stuff that makes me smile. I pull it out and it does provide a little relief. You can't possibly be irritable around gumballs. and scratch and sniff stickers.

I had forgotten about the depression that I might go through next. The last time after I was manic that didn't happen. Hopefully I'll be ok, fingers crossed.

You have a good plan for yourself! It's great that you figured those things out.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

So Sorry you're struggling! Please do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about calling your doctor earlier if you're feeling bad. It seems like you've already done that and that is good. Did he/she give you any advice on the phone? In any case Hopefully he/she will be able to Help. Keep us updated if you can and want to. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @imaginethat, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

MickeyCheeky, thank you for your thoughts. The doctor's advice was to change my meds. That's all. I had an appointment with my therapist today but had to cancel it for other reasons. Luckily we meet next week.

[jmariah001]

Yes I've gone through mixed states. I hate them. I also rapid cycle. It's not fun.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by jmariah001

Yes I've gone through mixed states. I hate them. I also rapid cycle. It's not fun.

I'm sorry you have to experience those things. Have you found any medication or non-med way to handle them?

[imaginethat]

I had a disagreement with my brother a few weeks where he tried to make me look like an idiot in front of the whole family. I had previously said between him and me that things are fine, let's just get along. Then he brought up the whole thing again in front of the family. It was embarrassing. I felt betrayed by him, as if he deliberately tried to hurt me even after we agreed things were fine between us.

Do you think this could have triggered my manic episode?

[*Beth*]

Mixed states are very common for me if I'm not properly medicated.

[mssweatypalms]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

I had a disagreement with my brother a few weeks where he tried to make me look like an idiot in front of the whole family. I had previously said between him and me that things are fine, let's just get along. Then he brought up the whole thing again in front of the family. It was embarrassing. I felt betrayed by him, as if he deliberately tried to hurt me even after we agreed things were fine between us.

Do you think this could have triggered my manic episode?

It could be. Issues with personal relationships often trigger either my depressive or hypomanic episodes.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by mssweatypalms

It could be. Issues with personal relationships often trigger either my depressive or hypomanic episodes.

Family relationships are particularly sensitive. It makes sense that they could be a trigger.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

Family relationships are particularly sensitive. It makes sense that they could be a trigger.

I can relate to this thread. Family relationships are a trigger for me.