[imaginethat]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 20 years ago. I wondered if that was really accurate because I don't think I have full-blown mania. I only have a few symptoms, like insomnia, shopping sprees, and a slight grandiosity. But no one can tell that I'm "manic" aside from the shopping. For instance, I don't talk energetically and nonstop.

I don't kow if I doubt the diagnosis because I'm actually hypomanic instead of manic or if I'm a good actress and used to hiding my problems from other people. I've become really good at acting undepressed, for one thing.

Do you doubt your diagnosis? If you have talked to your psychiatrist about it, what did he or she say?

[imaginethat]

More examples. I'm rarely talkative and never have pressured speech. I have low self esteem naturally, so any modicum of inflated self esteem just brings me up to a more healthy sense of self esteem.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Every day. I think I do get weak and demons get inside me and satan attacks me when I’m lacking in daith and worship.

[Victoria'smom]

All the time. But a hospitalised for depression and one for psychosis even though that one was voluntary I have a hard time thinking it's not overreacting. Anxiety has been labeled as paranoia. Most symptoms are me in my head trying to calm myself down. From the outside I seem quiet. Then when "depressed " I'm more quiet. And withdrawn. I fight that it's not just a personality issue.

not anymore.

sure, I think their are probably a few times where I feel okay and wonder if it's all a dream, but then the **** hits the fan, as it were and that thought is short lived.

[Soupe du jour]

I have not doubted my dx at all for at least 15 years. In the early couple years of the 15, though not doubt, I did believe I could fight the disorder on my own (without meds), to varying degrees. Soon after, I realized that was not possible anymore.

Prior to my official diagnosis, I knew something was wrong with me, at times (during depressions and mixed states, notably), but when these periods eased/ended, I looked back at them as simply resolved reactions to hard times/stress or "brain flues". But these experiences would always return. New strain of "brain flu" or life challenge? Nope. It was a permanent mental health condition, characterized by remissions and recurrences.

In my early years (ages ~14 years old to 31), I had little to no insight into my manias, and especially hypomanias. It's astounding how that is. Yes, ramifications resulted, but ohhhhhh...How the brain can make excuses and pass blame! When grandiosity is included, it's easy to look at some behaviors as justified, or a sign of superiority/greatness/adventurousness instead of shocking actions. To me, when at perceived best, THAT was my prefered baseline. Anything below or painful, was something to fight or improve. Others in my family showed similar behavior. From within my family circle, some bipolar behavior became normalized or labeled "personality trait". Depressions minimized or just temporary angst. Or, I was often literally away from those who could compare. My later severe episodes were so horrible or shocking that the illness was undeniable. Ramifications were beyond sweeping under a rug.

Obviously, the most extreme episodes are good convincers. I have bipolar type 1 with 11 hospitalizations in my past, plus a series of ECT, and MAJOR incidents I could describe. You do not want to have to get to that to be convinced. Believe me!

[MickeyCheeky]

i don't have bipolar but yes i do doubt my diagnosis all the time almost, which i suppose may be then depression? i just don't seem to have it as bad as many other people do whom are actually struggling with it. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @imaginethat, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[FluffyDinosaur]

Yes, it's just hard to imagine the severity of my episodes once I'm more or less stable again. Even though I recently needed ECT to break out of the worst part of an episode, only a few weeks/months later I'm already starting to doubt whether that episode was even real, and whether I didn't just imagine it or exaggerate it. Of course once I'm in the middle of another episode, suddenly it's all very real again.

[Mountaindewed]

Not anymore. Before March 2020 I did. Now I know my diagnosis is right. Although my doctors never told me about hypomania. I learned about it from this site.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

All the time. But a hospitalised for depression and one for psychosis even though that one was voluntary I have a hard time thinking it's not overreacting. Anxiety has been labeled as paranoia. Most symptoms are me in my head trying to calm myself down. From the outside I seem quiet. Then when "depressed " I'm more quiet. And withdrawn. I fight that it's not just a personality issue.

Some personality disorders do sound awfully close to bipolar disorder. Have you talked to your doc about that?

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Not anymore. Before March 2020 I did. Now I know my diagnosis is right. Although my doctors never told me about hypomania. I learned about it from this site.

What happened in March 2020 that changed your mind?

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

not anymore.

sure, I think their are probably a few times where I feel okay and wonder if it's all a dream, but then the **** hits the fan, as it were and that thought is short lived.

That sounds familiar. I feel OK for a while, then all hell breaks loose.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I have not doubted my dx at all for at least 15 years. In the early couple years of the 15, though not doubt, I did believe I could fight the disorder on my own (without meds), to varying degrees. Soon after, I realized that was not possible anymore.

Prior to my official diagnosis, I knew something was wrong with me, at times (during depressions and mixed states, notably), but when these periods eased/ended, I looked back at them as simply resolved reactions to hard times/stress or "brain flues". But these experiences would always return. New strain of "brain flu" or life challenge? Nope. It was a permanent mental health condition, characterized by remissions and recurrences.

In my early years (ages ~14 years old to 31), I had little to no insight into my manias, and especially hypomanias. It's astounding how that is. Yes, ramifications resulted, but ohhhhhh...How the brain can make excuses and pass blame! When grandiosity is included, it's easy to look at some behaviors as justified, or a sign of superiority/greatness/adventurousness instead of shocking actions. To me, when at perceived best, THAT was my prefered baseline. Anything below or painful, was something to fight or improve. Others in my family showed similar behavior. From within my family circle, some bipolar behavior became normalized or labeled "personality trait". Depressions minimized or just temporary angst. Or, I was often literally away from those who could compare. My later severe episodes were so horrible or shocking that the illness was undeniable. Ramifications were beyond sweeping under a rug.

Obviously, the most extreme episodes are good convincers. I have bipolar type 1 with 11 hospitalizations in my past, plus a series of ECT, and MAJOR incidents I could describe. You do not want to have to get to that to be convinced. Believe me!

Bipolar and depression run throughout my family. They were all diagnosed, and it sounded like their dx was correct based on their behavior.

When I first started to have bipolar episodes, I had no idea what they were, like you experienced. I thought I felt super good and that was it. I had been diagnosed with depression several years earlier and had never heard of mania or hypomania. Little did I know that years later these things would plague me periodically.

One incident in particular definitely did fit the dx of mania. I don't think my friends noticed it as mania, just as me being funny and outrageous.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

What happened in March 2020 that changed your mind?

A lot of things. Covid. The therapy video sessions that to this day are still messing with me. I got my first injection the day after lockdown. Then the video sessions started that Tuesday. Basically a bunch of **** hit the fans all at one time and it’s hard to tell exactly which one of those things made me realize that I am correctly diagnosed bipolar. But last summer really changed me as a person both physically and mentally.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

A lot of things. Covid. The therapy video sessions that to this day are still messing with me. I got my first injection the day after lockdown. Then the video sessions started that Tuesday. Basically a bunch of **** hit the fans all at one time and it’s hard to tell exactly which one of those things made me realize that I am correctly diagnosed bipolar. But last summer really changed me as a person both physically and mentally.

Do you not like the online part of the therapy or the therapy itself?

[Brentus]

Labels tend to be just a means to a end-- a way to navegate you towards the most appropriate medications or therapies to help. I fall in and out of favor with then, to be honest. There are times I feel like they are an integral part of understanding yourself, combating symptoms, and not feeling alone - other times when you realize mental health, like all issues, may have common threads it's on a serious level individualistic and manifests in ways based on genetics, upbringing, environment, family dynamics, social supports etc. No label will ever 100% fit anyone unless extreme vague and generalistic. I doubt I've ever been understood well enough to think an diagnosis really reflects the things I think, feel, see, or do.... but I do accept and subscribe to the idea that even if we are just working with a facet of mental health at a time... it's better than nothing.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow

Labels tend to be just a means to a end-- a way to navegate you towards the most appropriate medications or therapies to help. I fall in and out of favor with then, to be honest. There are times I feel like they are an integral part of understanding yourself, combating symptoms, and not feeling alone - other times when you realize mental health, like all issues, may have common threads it's on a serious level individualistic and manifests in ways based on genetics, upbringing, environment, family dynamics, social supports etc. No label will ever 100% fit anyone unless extreme vague and generalistic. I doubt I've ever been understood well enough to think an diagnosis really reflects the things I think, feel, see, or do.... but I do accept and subscribe to the idea that even if we are just working with a facet of mental health at a time... it's better than nothing.

I have noticed that some of the online quizzes I take don't seem very accurate. The questions they ask require you to say "yes" to many symptoms of bipolar 1 disorder otherwise you don't have it. I realize they're just online quizzes, but one was one Psych Central, which I thought was pretty reliable.

[Victoria'smom]

@imaginethat I haven't talked to this one about it. He seems pretty set in my dx. He's seen me depressed he's medicated my "overactive". Makes sure I get injections

[~Christina]

I wasn't diagnosed until age 43. My T said you have Bipolar I. Literally my life flashed before my eyes and everything made sense. Honestly I was relieved.. Through our years of work we traced mine back to about age 6.

My daughter was diagnosed Bipolar I 3 months after I got my shiny new badge ( lol) She also had no problems accepting it. She recently had her Bipolar switch to a II as she never went manic, Hypo yes. But she was also diagnosed ADHD and that also helped her to understand herself.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by imaginethat

Do you not like the online part of the therapy or the therapy itself?

I moved so I had to say goodbye to my therapist on Zoom and it was very hard emotionally not to be able to say goodbye in person.

Now I’m with someone else who does in person sessions and I prefer it much better then the online part. I hated video sessions.

[imaginethat]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I moved so I had to say goodbye to my therapist on Zoom and it was very hard emotionally not to be able to say goodbye in person.

Now I’m with someone else who does in person sessions and I prefer it much better then the online part. I hated video sessions.

That does sound rough. I'm glad you got the situation resolved and are happier now.

[*Beth*]

Yes. I doubt my diagnosis (BP1) because as far as I know, I've never gone without sleep without feeling tired and unwell. I am someone who has always needed a lot of sleep. But then, in other ways I can see how BP1 fits for me. Mainly, it's just the sleep thing.

[Ursula Shackleton]

This year, I had to change doctors because my old one retired. The only medical help I could find was a nurse practitioner who didn't seem to have much experience with psychiatric work. The nurse practitioner interviewed me for 20 minutes, did some bloodwork, and told me I had seasonal depression and didn't need medication. I latched onto that for dear life. One of my best friends is an *actual* psychiatric nurse practitioner in that she worked for decades in a psychiatric hospital. She told me that she didn't understand how I could have seasonal depression that resolved in the middle of winter... and then of course, all that psychosis. So I found an actual psychiatrist who interviewed me for several hours, like my previous psychiatrist did. And I came to the conclusion that I don't actually care *what* I have, as long as I can function well in my life. My new psychiatrist said I have bipolar 1 or 2 but most likely 1 because of the psychotic episodes in the past. Really, that's more logical lol, considering all that pesky mania.

So yeah, I was really hopeful that I just had seasonal depression for a while there... even though I knew it made no sense at all.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Ursula Shackleton

This year, I had to change doctors because my old one retired. The only medical help I could find was a nurse practitioner who didn't seem to have much experience with psychiatric work. The nurse practitioner interviewed me for 20 minutes, did some bloodwork, and told me I had seasonal depression and didn't need medication. I latched onto that for dear life. One of my best friends is an *actual* psychiatric nurse practitioner in that she worked for decades in a psychiatric hospital. She told me that she didn't understand how I could have seasonal depression that resolved in the middle of winter... and then of course, all that psychosis. So I found an actual psychiatrist who interviewed me for several hours, like my previous psychiatrist did. And I came to the conclusion that I don't actually care *what* I have, as long as I can function well in my life. My new psychiatrist said I have bipolar 1 or 2 but most likely 1 because of the psychotic episodes in the past. Really, that's more logical lol, considering all that pesky mania.

So yeah, I was really hopeful that I just had seasonal depression for a while there... even though I knew it made no sense at all.

I'm glad you got the other psychiatrist opinion. It can be dangerous when a mental health professional makes rash diagnoses.

All of my psychiatrists and therapists always concluded pretty quickly that I have bipolar type 1. However, I remember a particular Ph.D. psychologist (therapist), upon first meeting me telling me "I am going to make my own diagnosis of you!", after I told her I have bipolar type 1. After all I had been through, such a statement really got on my nerves. At the end of that first (and only) session she declared that I do in fact have bipolar type 1. Again, what went through my mind was great annoyance. If she had told me something different, I would have wanted to give her the finger.

[Ursula Shackleton]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm glad you got the other psychiatrist opinion. It can be dangerous when a mental health professional makes rash diagnoses.

All of my psychiatrists and therapists always concluded pretty quickly that I have bipolar type 1. However, I remember a particular Ph.D. psychologist (therapist), upon first meeting me telling me "I am going to make my own diagnosis of you!", after I told her I have bipolar type 1. After all I had been through, such a statement really got on my nerves. At the end of that first (and only) session she declared that I do in fact have bipolar type 1. Again, what went through my mind was great annoyance. If she had told me something different, I would have wanted to give her the finger.

Oh wow, that would get on my nerves too! And yeah, every other doctor, even psychologists I encountered, concluded I have bipolar, so it was a little disorienting. But when I took into consideration that she saw me for such a short period of time and only ever asked me questions about the depression, it made sense that she would think it was depression. It was... at that particular time. And I was in such a deep depression at that point that it was hard for me to articulate a lot of things.