Do you ever doubt your diagnosis?

Have you found a good med cocktail yet?

Sometimes I think I'm just neurotic .

I agree, it's extremely dangerous. And I would get annoyed, too, in the above case. I mean, it's good and valuable when they provide their own perspective, but not if they ignore what previous psychiatrists (who've known you for much longer) say.

It's a bit of a long story, but in the first hospital that my psychiatrist referred me to for ECT, the psychiatrists there were extremely arrogant and they clearly felt they were above "regular" psychiatrists because this was an academic hospital. So they didn't even read the information my own psychiatrist gave them. Even worse, the psychiatrist there literally took no more than five minutes to talk to me. In hindsight I now see she had her mind made up about me then and there.

After everything went wrong at that hospital I requested my medical file and I saw that based on that first conversation, they thought there was a "discrepancy" between the symptoms I reported and their impression of me. I could have easily explained it because I have a very hard time opening up to people, so even if I'm dying inside I will still be polite and smile at you. It takes time for me to establish a connection. Apparently these people only take you seriously if you're a stereotypical case. But they didn't give me the chance to explain it because they told me nothing except "further examination is needed." They wouldn't even say what the tests involved or why they were necessary or how long they would take, they just said "further examination" and then walked out of the room.

They didn't even conduct the extra tests on their own, instead that was done by a psychologist who worked at the hospital. She was nice enough and took the time for me, and in the end she concluded that I did in fact have bipolar depression. She also tested for personality disorders and other stuff and concluded that I didn't have that. Then (this took several weeks) she gave her report to the psychiatrists, but I doubt they even read it because they completely ignored it. Instead they went with their initial gut feeling based on their own five-minute impression of me, and then called me up and told me they wouldn't do the treatment because "ECT wasn't going to work for me." Again, they refused to even explain how they had reached that conclusion. So after three months wasted there I was left completely empty-handed. By that time I had been severely depressed for well over a year and being left in the dark for so long at that hospital had driven me to the point where I was completely at the end of my wits, so naturally I got extremely angry and yelled at them (which I never do). And then they used that against me to conclude that I had "personality issues" and "bad coping" and that that was the cause of my problems. They are the most inhumane and heartless people I've ever met in my life.

Then I went to another hospital (which was way closer to my house, I should have gone there in the first place) and the psychiatrists there did take the time for me and agreed to do the treatment. And guess what, it worked like a charm! I wrote a letter to that first hospital to tell them how they completely missed the mark and wasted three months of my life, but I doubt they even read it. I seriously considered legal action against them but I couldn't because the stress of that would just cause me to relapse. So basically I'm completely powerless and they just get away with their malpractice.

And even though I knew the way they treated me was ridiculous, they still managed to make me doubt my bipolar diagnosis and I almost didn't go through with ECT. If I hadn't then I don't know how I would have ever gotten out of that depression. It makes me so angry that there are zero repercussions for them and they just get to carry on and screw over who knows how many other patients and there's nothing I can do about it. And to get back to what you said, I most definitely did want to give them the finger, and more.

That's awful what you went through, @FluffyDinosaur! Thanks for sharing this story. I know that you are by far not the only person who has experienced such treatment. It is dangerous and cruel how some mental health professionals show such neglect and foolishness. You wonder how qualified some of them are for their positions. It is fortunate that there are some true gems, but we must sometimes search hard for them or luck out in finding them.

I confess to blaming certain hospital psychiatrists a bit for my youngest nephew's suicide. I don't think think my father received adequate enough care at that same hospital's psych ward, either. Long stories.

I'm glad you found a better hospital/doctor in the end.

Thank you, Soupe. All things considered I suppose I should count myself lucky that these people were the exception, most mental health professionals I've encountered have ranged from OK to good and have been open to a collaborative treatment. I have strong opinions on my own treatment and I am very involved, and I think that contributed to the hospital psychiatrists not liking me from the start. I think it threatened their ego.

It's shocking to me how many people here (and presumably elsewhere) have experienced similar inhumane situations. You'd think horror stories like that are something you see in movies, not in real life, but unfortunately it does happen. Maybe the worst thing is you can't even really talk about it because, being a "crazy person," many people are automatically inclined not to believe you or to believe you must be exaggerating or must have done something to provoke the situation. I could feel that very clearly when I tried to explain the situation at the hospital's complaints office.

I'm sorry about your nephew and father. Without knowing the details of the situation, just based on my own experience I would not discount the possibility that you're right for partially blaming certain psychiatrists for what happened to your nephew. Maybe this, too, is partly attributable to people's tendency not to take mental health patients seriously until it's too late.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imaginethat Have you found a good med cocktail yet?

Fortunately, the meds I'm on now seem to be the most stabilizing ones I've ever taken. My worst problem is the anxiety that can come from bipolar disorder. It's probably a dysphoric mania. The AP (Trilafon) I'm on now is helping to reduce that awful anxiety.

I did in the past. I even doubted my major depressive episode before, but that's because of lack of knowledge I guess. Then the bipolar diagnosis was hard for me to accept. When my meds started working, I was like "Yeah, maybe that's the right diagnosis." It just sucks that there's no cure.

The bipolar diagnosis has been harder for me to accept than straight depression. I guess it's because I compare myself to people with much much worse mania than mine.

When I first came to msf I was still insisting to doctors that I “only” had depression and PTSD. But after I conquered the PTSD it was obvious that it was bipolar. But my life doesn’t revolve around bipolar like it did the PTSD. And I’m no longer ashamed of being bipolar. Being as old as I am there were some real hang ups about that diagnosis

No, not anymore. I was diagnosed bipolar at age 18 then Schizoaffective disorder bipolar type around age 19, it’s been that ever since and I’m 27 years old now. I used to think I was doing great even when I wasn’t doing well, like I had lack of insight into my illness.

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Anxiety is one of my most serious problems too. Clonazepam doesn't help much.

How did you conquer PTSD? That's so good to hear! My pdoc says I have it and looking at the symptoms I agree.

I saw a psychiatrist at a teaching hospital in 2016 where I was treated in the past (and misdiagnosed). She diagnosed me with bipolar spectrum disorder, autism spectrum disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. The last two diagnoses I agree with.

The bipolar disorder diagnosis doesn't quite describe my illness, specifically the one I had in my mid twenties. Before I developed psychosis I was depressed, to the point where I was neglecting my health. My mood improved in the summer, but that fall strange things starting happening that gradually worsened and sent me into another dimension.

A doctor prescribed Paxil in October of that year. Within a few days I was suicidal, which I wasn't before I started taking the drug. I ended up in Emergency, where I was referred to the 4 North psychiatric outpatient clinic. There I saw a psychiatrist who told me I was just seeking attention and that I had personality issues. After that visit I vowed never go to Emergency for psychiatric problems, ever. So far I have kept my word.

About 6 months after that visit a social worker at a community health center got me help without requiring a hospital stay. I was prescribed olanzapine. It gradually returned me to this reality. It was the first time a medication worked for me.

The illness I had developed gradually. It caused a lot of restlessness and anger, along with the hallucinations and bizarre thinking I would experience. I would go on long walks at night, to get it out of me. Sometimes I would scream and pace. It took everything out of me to suppress the mysterious rage I had. I never experienced that before. - Does anyone know what this is?

When I was 18 I had Prozac induced mania with psychosis. This illness developed over days. I ended up in the hospital. After that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I never agreed with the label since it was drug induced.

I often wonder what I had in my mid twenties. My present psychiatrist doesn't agree with her colleague's opinion. She thinks I had psychotic depression or first episode psychosis. I wish I had a label that described my experience. - I envy all you who fit nicely in a diagnosis. You get treated with respect, while someone like me is treated like dirt and left to wonder.