Heartbreak

I’m so hurt. I lost my husband due to this illness and today he accidentally sent me a message meant for a woman he’s talking to. It was in Spanish. He doesn’t even speak Spanish. He used a translator. I keep thinking he will forgive me and one day we will get back together, but I have to face reality. He’s moved on. It just breaks my heart. The divorce isn’t even final yet and he’s talking to someone. I haven’t even considered dating. I don’t know who would want to be with me and this illness. I’m so scared I’ll go manic again. I don’t want to put anyone else through it and I thought my husband would be there for better or worse, but he couldn’t handle it. I was with him for 11 years… now I feel like I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I just don’t see myself wanting to be with anyone else. I don’t know if that will ever change. I’m just so hurt. He told me when I first went manic and kicked him out that he wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else and I was the love of his life. I made poor choices while manic and I regret them so badly, but I still thought he would never even look for someone else. But now he has and I feel like he never loved me as much as he said he did. I feel like I’ll never find that love again. We also have a 3 year old so I have to see him every week. I’m so upset.

Stay on top of this illness for you and your 3 year old.

I'm so sorry, NaoSky. The situation sounds miserably painful. I do want to mention that you can (and probably will) find love again.

Thank you Beth!! It just doesn’t seem possible. I’m already 43 and I don’t feel like being in love with anyone else. It’s just hard knowing that he moved on so easily. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to meet someone and give it a chance for love, but I just don’t know. My main focus is my little one so I can’t imagine meeting someone until she’s much older and I’ll be older too. It’s harder meeting someone at my age. I’ve seen how challenging it is for my older sister and she doesn’t have a disorder. She’s almost 50, beautiful, fit, and still single.

Thankfully my brother lives with me to keep me company, but not sure how long he’s willing to do that. Hopefully forever, I just don’t want to live alone. It makes my depression worse to be by myself.

I am your sister's age and i don't have any boyfriends. I've been divorced for almost 20 years. My ex remarried maybe 15 years ago and I got left in the dust. He's so happy and I'm just alone. I live alone, too! Sometimes, I still wonder why I divorced him. I know my rationale at the time from back then, I just sometimes still wish I could take it back. Who knows what would've happened, but my kids grew up without married parents. I'm sure they'd say that they're okay because of it, but I still wonder.