Bipolar check-in #60

I had an alright Thanksgiving.. I made a turkey. It's just me and my cat here so I didn't make many sides. I normally like to make a lot more but wasn't feeling very ambitious this year

I have a headache so I think I'm going to make a coffee and see if that helps. It's very cold, windy, rainy and snowy out today so I'm just relaxing inside

I'm excited because I have a pillsbury white cake mix and some funfetti green vanilla frosting, so I'm going to make a cake probably this weekend, I love cake!

Aww blue bird mrs m looks very much at home!

I'm doing very well today. I know its bad but an extra 20 mil geodon makes so much of a diffrence the next day. I am getting so much shopping done and finding all kinds of stuff. I found purple sweet potatos that are actually purple on the inside. And I found 3 big tubes of chocolate European smarties. The last time I was here the stores didn't have any. I got all my usual European candy and some christmas stuff. This time the store had peanut butter Kit Kats and they haven't had those in a couple years. At another store I found the holy grail of all sodas. Orange vanilla Coke zero. I haven't seen that since before the pandemic. I am trying to quit soda but when I find stuff I've been looking for for almost 2 years its hard to pass it up. I also found 2 new holiday types of soda and vanilla Pepsi which I've never really seen before. I mean I have but its not common. I also got baking brie and eggnog. But yeah today is going good but as I've said I don't know what tomrrow or sunday will bring when I go back on the injections. I'm just hoping for the best.

@Blue_Bird I think I meant to tell you awhile back but forgot -- Miss Mustachio is adorable and I really enjoy your pics you share! I lost my Kiki cat of 11 years recently, and Miss Mustachio reminds me a lot of her in coloring. It makes me smile

We did Thanksgiving/Christmas last night we decided to make this the new tradition so he can get anything he wants after and he won't have to run around on Christmas with his significant other.

I cooked today for the first time in ages. Stir-fry. It turned out so badly i threw away the dishes after, rather than wash them. No more heavy-duty frypan. I threw open the windows and ran fans to rid my apartment of the stench. From now on it's back to just microwave convenience foods and junk.

In good news, it was pretty flurries today. Winter is here.

Thank you! I'm glad she makes you smile I'm so sorry for your loss of Kiki

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I hate social gatherings. I went to this one thinking it was going to be low key and I guess it is since I cant compare it to the nightmare that was yesterday. But my uncles girlfriend was demanding I join in on a game of spoons. Like being beyond pushy. No really does mean no. I really had to hold my ground and be asssertive. Eventually she left me alone but I think my brother in law saved me. Then I filled up on snacks and I have a super small appetite so I wasn't hungry for dinner. I didnt join them either but I guess I should even if I dont eat. Theres just so much uncertain with the restarting of the injection in the afternoon and this new mutant covid virus is ****ing terrifying me. The snacks did help my anxiety. So I did need to legit eat. I guess I'll go join them to be social. The girlfriend complemented me though and said "it looks like you've lost a lot of weight" so it wasn't a total bust of a night.

Thanksgiving with just my boys again, thank god. My grandmother recounted thanksgiving at my uncles’s house yesterday and I’m very glad I wasn’t there.

I made dinner and completely stressed myself out over nothing. I am far too harsh on myself. I added too much cream to the mashed potatoes. AND because we got a fancy new stove a month ago I actually turned off the oven while setting the timer for the turkey!!! We still ate though, albeit a bit later than I planned. I was mean to my family though because I was stressed and apologized profusely. I feel like my cooking needs to be perfect every time I make even a simple dinner during the week. I know why, it’s just one more thing I have to overcome. I suppose the harsh judgment and self-criticism is a problem that really extends to most areas of my life.

We went to my grandma’s to help her move some stuff today and I just keep looking around and seeing how much junk we’re going to have to clean out when she passes away. It’s going to take weeks if my hoarder uncle and mom interfere. There’s iodine and a cough medicine that doesn’t even exist anymore in her medicine cabinet. She asked me if her collection of 15 years worth of National Geographic magazines was worth anything (hint: it isn’t, I checked). She tried to pawn a completely rusted dog chain and old collar for their dog tang, who was gone before I was born, off on me to give to my brother and SIL. Really? She was also extremely disappointed that I threw out that litter box she gave me last time.

The house is so big, there’s a full basement with nothing of value except a brand new washer/dryer, the bookshelves are full of old magazines and cookbooks/diet books from as far back as the 80s. There are three walk in closets and an attic, all full to the brim with mostly junk. A “windows 95 for dummies” book!!! Rusty screws and nails. Just an unbelievable amount of stuff. Not even fit to be donated or sold, mostly. It’s going to be a nightmare.

I did get my viola from when I was in the school orchestra back though. It’s really of no use to me now but I could definitely sell it, it’s in perfect condition with a spotless case. There’s even a digital tuner, a mute, and a resin block. The only thing it needs is a new bow, the other one’s horsehair disintegrated. When I saw it it evoked such a bad general feeling of that time (I was super ill all through high school and freshman year of college when I used it) that I really would rather be rid of it.

Well at least I’ve still got two days off. I’m almost done with Christmas shopping too, decided to get it over with as soon as possible to avoid supply chain and shipping delays.

I had a wonderful day with my daughter right up until it was time to say goodbye. I’ll meet up with her in 2-3 weeks to visit and share a meal. We went to see Ghostbusters. It was a good movie but there were a lot of people there. Probably not a great idea. I brought a large cherry coke home with us and a very bad driver almost side swiped us. When my daughter hit the brakes to avoid the side swipe that Cherry Coke went flying EVERYWHERE. What a mess! Could have been worse.

They rushed my brother to the hospital via ambulance in distress this afternoon after my daughter left town. Low oxygen sat and couldn’t catch his breath. He’s stabilized for now. It’s one emergency after another now. Very traumatizing. It’s like watching a wreck happen in slow motion that you know you can’t stop.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

Today was a quiet day for my husband and me. We spent the whole day in the house, with me just going back and forth to the garage a couple times. All I did was prep meals, and also made some homemade potato salad and deviled eggs. Tomorrow I plan to do more cooking and baking. Hubby's birthday is coming up and I want to do things ahead of time. I plan to make him a small size carrot cake. It will be my first attempt while using the local flour, as opposed to American all-purpose flour. I hope it works out. Though they do sell Philadelphia cream cheese in a container, they don't sell the block stuff. However, they have a product called "gervais" which I've found to be pretty much the same thing. It is based on a French cream-style cheese.

I bought a cake! No homemade for me. I forget what my daughter calls this cake. It’s white with a cream cheese frosting and a red layer. There’s about 3 layers to it, it comes square. It’s just a tiny cake big enough for the two of us tomorrow. Good lord I’m getting old! I completely forgot my birthday until yesterday when I got a card from my sister. I’m not really one to celebrate my birthday but cake is nice. Maybe if mum’s feeling up to it we could go out to eat tomorrow. It’s been forever since we’ve been out. But if I feel old I can’t imagine what my sister feels! She’s 12 years older than me and her birthday is next month!

Happy birthday, Nammu! And do enjoy your yummy sounding cake! Do you think the one red layer is a red velvet cake layer?

I watered my plant. I couldn't let it die. I thought of that moment with my neighbor's handsome son, sweet curly hair, who had come down from The Yukon to settle her estate and we stood on her balcony, he and i, while the first snow drifted thickly down thru the air and he sang me a few bars of that old Bing Crosby song about the rubber tree plant and he was so happy to see the snow being from the North and i haven't been serenaded in decades and i couldn't let it die.

God, i'm such a softie.

~*~Happy Birthday, Nammu!~*~

No, the red is like jelly, or jam but probably called something else. I think it’s a French name. Tismune or something, totally blanking on it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMMU!!!

Well I went back to sleep and the bad dream continued! Now N3 was involved and he was deep into the cult and not wanting to listen to me tell him that it was very bad and he should get out right away. N2 showed up and was a sane voice to try to get her siblings out of this horrible trap. There were boys who were cullt members still trying to talk N3 into staying. I was so beside myself!
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I’m having a low day. Probably because I’ve seen so much of my daughter over the past 3 weeks and now that’s over. Tangentially, it could also be because I’ve been casual with my meds. I’m smarter than that and I know it. There’s no reason or excuse. It could also be my brother or my physical illness and injury or a mixture of all of the above. Whatever the cause - the future doesn’t look so bright from where I’m standing. I’m not feeling really positive today. I’m trying to turn that around.

I do hope everyone has a peaceful day.