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  #1  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 06:50 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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I never straight up lie (well, other than when I was abusing painkillers but I really don't need a substance use disorder dx), but I omit a lot of stuff and downplay some stuff too and I don't know how to not do that.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
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  #2  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 06:53 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Hi Sapien, Can you give an example or 2 of what you're downplaying?
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  #3  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 08:11 AM
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NP: Do you eat?
Me: Yeah
NP: What did you eat today?
Me: *Lists everything I've eaten in the past 3 days which probably sounds like a day's worth*
(Okay maybe I do straight up lie sometimes)
or

NP: How's your sleep
Me: Alright, I get enough.
NP: Good.
Me: (has slept 15 hours in the past week)
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #4  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 10:48 AM
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They can't help you if your not honest. I'm an open book.
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  #5  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 10:57 AM
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Brentus Brentus is offline
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I think it's rather common to downplay things in fear of judgement, reaction, or consequence. I have a lot of fear of all three sometimes and I have a hard time with it, even being honest with myself about symptoms and issues. In fact, just today I chronicled some of the problematic behavior I have done and realized it's far beyond what I initially realized. I play down my (hypo)manic moments a lot, and say they aren't an issue when I realize now, they are extensive and hard to not see them for what they are.

My point is, I think part of it is natural to feel the way you do -- but maybe you could try baby stepping your way to being a bit more honest. Perhaps you can say "I'm putting in effort to eat well, but I am having a hard time because of [insert reason here]. I feel I am ok (if you do), but I'm trying (if you are-- or just say you're having a hard time justifying the effort)". I think there are nuanced ways to express yourself more honestly and not have such a harsh reaction. Try anticipating questions and writing out a response. If you know they are going to ask about your eating habits, have something prepared.

That's just a suggestion. I know it is hard to open up to people especially when they are in control of your care. I'm sorry you have such a hard time about opening up with them.
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  #6  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 11:46 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aviza View Post
They can't help you if your not honest. I'm an open book.
That's the thing. I don't believe they will act in my best interest if I tell them the truth. I tried telling my therapist (Same clinic) I'm having trouble eating and she thinks I have nothing to worry about because I told her I bought and ate a yogurt in between sessions (I ate other stuff obviously, but she fixated on yogurt and I wanted to see her reaction if I followed her advice and just ate the one cup of yogurt). So there's no problem if you go a week and all you eat is one cup of yogurt in her view, and I don't think that's how eating disorders work. I was honest with my injection nurse (who is part of the team) and she was ready to walk me to the hospital where I had Risperdal poisoning and lithium poisoning a week within each other and that lead to a lot of traumatic experiences.

My very first experience with a therapist I was honest. It led to them saying they can't help, I should be locked up, and I'm not allowed to see anybody there for the rest of my life.

Every time I open up either nothing changes or something bad happens.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow View Post
I think it's rather common to downplay things in fear of judgement, reaction, or consequence. I have a lot of fear of all three sometimes and I have a hard time with it, even being honest with myself about symptoms and issues. In fact, just today I chronicled some of the problematic behavior I have done and realized it's far beyond what I initially realized. I play down my (hypo)manic moments a lot, and say they aren't an issue when I realize now, they are extensive and hard to not see them for what they are.

My point is, I think part of it is natural to feel the way you do -- but maybe you could try baby stepping your way to being a bit more honest. Perhaps you can say "I'm putting in effort to eat well, but I am having a hard time because of [insert reason here]. I feel I am ok (if you do), but I'm trying (if you are-- or just say you're having a hard time justifying the effort)". I think there are nuanced ways to express yourself more honestly and not have such a harsh reaction. Try anticipating questions and writing out a response. If you know they are going to ask about your eating habits, have something prepared.

That's just a suggestion. I know it is hard to open up to people especially when they are in control of your care. I'm sorry you have such a hard time about opening up with them.
Thank you. This was really helpful.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #7  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 12:09 PM
FluffyDinosaur FluffyDinosaur is offline
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When I read your first posts in this thread, I didn't initially understand why telling your treatment team about things like eating or sleeping would be an issue, as I don't consider those things to be very personal or embarrassing (in contrast to things like hypersexuality or irritability).

But in light of your last posts, it does make sense. It sounds like you've had your trust betrayed too often. If it were me, I would start there. Tell my treatment team about those trust issues and try to work on that first. Then the other stuff might follow. The first thing for me would be to work towards a collaborative treatment, rather than simply being subjected to whatever your treatment team decides. You could try to gauge whether they're open to that sort of relationship.
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, MuddyBoots
  #8  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 12:21 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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^^What FluffyD said^^
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  #9  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 02:29 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur View Post
When I read your first posts in this thread, I didn't initially understand why telling your treatment team about things like eating or sleeping would be an issue, as I don't consider those things to be very personal or embarrassing (in contrast to things like hypersexuality or irritability).

But in light of your last posts, it does make sense. It sounds like you've had your trust betrayed too often. If it were me, I would start there. Tell my treatment team about those trust issues and try to work on that first. Then the other stuff might follow. The first thing for me would be to work towards a collaborative treatment, rather than simply being subjected to whatever your treatment team decides. You could try to gauge whether they're open to that sort of relationship.
I agree. I just feel like if I tell my therapist I have trust issues and don't trust her she'll say "but I never did x and I helped you with y (No, she didn't), so you should trust me," and then change the topic to something stupid.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
*Beth*
  #10  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 03:13 PM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is online now
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I write, the truth and hand it to them. Or say I can't answer that truthfully. And we talk about why I can't answer truthfully. One t use to offer me candy ones in a while to see my reaction. Knowing I'd always say no but how venomously told her real how I was doing. I kept a mood and food chart for them. But I tell them I don't trust them.
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  #11  
Old Nov 12, 2021, 03:54 PM
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I'm sorry I hit reply before I I was done. mood/event/thought chart - Google Docs I put what I eat on notes.

One t I made a plate for with everything I ate that week. The visual helped understand what I eat. I took plate pictures for a week for a different t but mostly I say I have an eating disorder and I'm not ready to give it up. It's been a back and forth thing. If I don't eat a protein I have to have a shake. We agree to not talk about food. I'm trying to change what I eat into highly nutrition things. Because of my weight some t's don't take me seriously. I refuse medicine that require a meal with it.

I have learned 'anna' and 'mia' are part of my Sza. They're the first signs I'm loosing touch again. One of my t's worked hard on cutting caffeine and getting me to agree to eating 2x a day or a protein shake 2x a day. Now I have to cut caffeine again and schedule eating.
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  #12  
Old Nov 13, 2021, 05:34 AM
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sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
I agree. I just feel like if I tell my therapist I have trust issues and don't trust her she'll say "but I never did x and I helped you with y (No, she didn't), so you should trust me," and then change the topic to something stupid.
If she does say that then you say " these are my feelings and experiences and its not about who did what or why it was done. collectivley Im afraid"
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Thanks for this!
*Beth*, MuddyBoots
  #13  
Old Nov 13, 2021, 05:36 AM
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Hey @Sapien do you have a dx for an ed or anything else? (if youre comfortable sharing) I am just wondering if you are dx'd with an ed and in an ed specific program?
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  #14  
Old Nov 13, 2021, 06:06 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Hey @Sapien do you have a dx for an ed or anything else? (if youre comfortable sharing) I am just wondering if you are dx'd with an ed and in an ed specific program?
I do not. I've only brought up my eating habits to my therapist until yesterday my NP asked a bunch of questions about my weight loss. I don't know if she does any diagnosing either because when I first went to this clinic I had to be evaluated by someone specifically for diagnoses and I know with ADHD, which my therapist thinks I have as well, you need to be evaluated by the dx person if your treatment team suspects it, so I'm not sure if all diagnosing is to be done by the dx-giver or if my NP can change/adjust the dx and adhd is just different.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
  #15  
Old Dec 11, 2021, 11:11 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I really struggle with this too. When I've been completely honest they mostly have been very unhelpful (scary bad sometimes) I wish I had some helpful advice but I do not. ((((( Hugs )))))
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