[MuddyBoots]

I cant' eat and I can't sleep and witout those two who the **** cares about the rest?

Everyone around mekeeps bringing up the damn hospital. THat's where all this mess started if Iwasn't poisoned and traumatized I wouldn't be going through this

I want off this mothah****ing train. I keep getting images of them coming after me with a gun and all I have is a ****ing pen and book. And cutting my foot off. And feeling lost. I don't think I'll ever not feel lost again. I'm not supposed to be here.

God keeps sending me signals. I ripped my stitches out.

[*Beth*]

Hi Sapien- I've seen some people who felt 100% hopeless do a mind-bending turnaround.

I'm sending you love.

[MuddyBoots]

But what to do in the meantime... The Force wants me to join their side to be a string and have all power but they don't even know my last name there's just a blanket I have to duel because it's Devilish and Lucy knows what's up. I'm supposed to go to my gf's today and scope things out but there's just not enough cigarettes in the world for the beard ankle deep and so steep it's not fair and I get that life isn't fair but should fairies be fair? No, because there's only this STUPID ****ING BLANKET THAT WANTS TO SHOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET AN ABORTION nd there is no way out of Sununu's pocket once you get in there, like the sunapee fair.

[MuddyBoots]

Last time I purged there was blood so I have to take a break. Nothing's cheap except the blanket I shouldn't have spent the $3

[MuddyBoots]

There are good vibes and bad vibes to everything nad peanut butter has the bad vibes. Everything my dad eats has bad vibes and I don't get how he's still alive with all the horese manure inside him. THe percocets must kill the poison. And I can't make my hat. It's a cat hat. Or a mat. Rat hat maybe or just something to sit on and hit on and spit on

They jdruged me.'

Their little experiment vibe voices told not to take my meds so I won't because I trust in the God Force

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’m worried about you. Please be safe.

[*Beth*]

I'm very concerned, Sapien. It seems like your subconscious mind is running the show and that can definitely be dangerous to your *health and well-being.*

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm very concerned, Sapien. It seems like your subconscious mind is running the show and that can definitely be dangerous to your *health and well-being.*

SUB! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH Home made garlic paste. They're after me and they know, they know the show and the flow grow slow so mow them low. Fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear fuzzy brain fuzzy rain fuzzy vision fuzzy mission. I feel leaches lesions.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi @Sapien👋👋

I hear you, such struggle omgosh. 😔 But there's hope, Sir. The fact that you're still able to laugh, still have a sense of humour, means, to me, you can do this. You still have a spark of life(!)

You could (continue to) make your point to live be about doing your best to cope and endure through your difficulties come what may, until positive change begins to occur, however long it takes. Yes. Find positives in life, small enjoyments, and see them as little lifelines to future happiness of stability. You see, in my darkest times which lasted too long for me to handle, that's what I did. I used reason and said things can't possibly get worse in my life (the final end was on the cards) but if I just continue to endure, to try, they can only improve. And slowly but surely they did improve - mentally and emotionally. Do you understand what I'm saying, friend? Your journey to psychological wellness, calm, inner stability etc., can be the point, with the firm belief it will happen. Your spirit is not dead yet Sapien! ((Hugs))

[MuddyBoots]

I've been hanging around addicts today where the day turns into the evening but you just gotta go because the police showed up twice. They just assumed I was a meth head, I got that look because I read a book I threw in a brook from a nook as a cook. Look? No, Luke the duke. You can't tell me there aren't anymore stories out there because I can come up with 5 on a lime dime without that salmon damnation.

[MuddyBoots]

I ate took mcCrapples crap abbles they took my social security number

[MuddyBoots]

I don't know where to go from here do I do what everyone else says and go to the hoosptial? They can't do anything for me because I will refuse all treatment. Friend says i'll be IEAd soon. Intermittent Explosive Action. Hellz yeah broskis let's go pond skimming swimming and brimming. Leave the rope for the pope.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm not gonna take my meds because they're a devil force. God forces rule and they're telling me I have to abstain from everything but that which survives an appocalpyse so pretty much peanut butter and protein bars made from funkay monkays and white bois. Bolshevik I say. There's a pillow that wants me to survive, I feel it cheering but the left is wrong because the right is going to put you on the easy path the left puts you on twister where you bomb it and fall and take the race kids out of the show. BREAK MY JAW NOW

[MuddyBoots]

i WANT m son. I need to puke.

Possible trigger:

My blood is dirty I need to let it out

IT BURNS. ZTHe bears are out, but their scat is on the trail and my waterbottle scared them and the snow didn't bother the funky white bostonian. I could shred it there.

You may enter the danger zone, but you see where the firings happen is the gun shots and the police will come over repeatedly so I'll take in any stray mouse that needs peanut butter. I promised.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Are you ok? Are you safe?

I think you may need help

[Soupe du jour]

Don't let depression win!

[MuddyBoots]

I don't get my hterapist, she wants me not alone and said I'm dissociating. Barely know what that means and I don't think it applies, it's an applicator like for tampons and ****, my therapist is a tampon. Hallucinations too, but no, I'm choosen to receive these messages from both God and the Devil they're leaving everywhere I can feel their energies. No one gets it. I ate too much and now I have to cleanse. SHots shots shots. My arm is sore where I ripped my stitch out but I'm not adopted so I don't know how to surf. As if there were a regular potato but these carrots are commpletely and utterly ****ed. I'm gonna yell at them and appreciate their artirstry.

[MuddyBoots]

Just drink a beer and forget it. The Devil's taken too much from me, my memory, he's messing with my memory. What's the point if I don't evn know where I go? I don't remember kayaking in Vermont???????

[MuddyBoots]

How do you get constellations otu of stars? I'm more of a cloud looker myself. I'm a big dipshit because I can't find the big dipper. I know a rainbow when I see one, and I saw one, and it was beautiful even though I want to run fromm y grlfriend. SHe doesn't understand me,. says I should go to the behavioral health unit. HA! I was there twice this year and there is just the threats of NHH and their CDs, I listen to Halsey sometimes because Control gets it, I have no control over anything these days, it's all just a math equation you gotta balance the Devil with God.

[MuddyBoots]

***** i can't sleep, I'm doing laundry there's bad energy down there, he's screaming to get out.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm very concerned, Sapien. It seems like your subconscious mind is running the show and that can definitely be dangerous to your *health and well-being.*

I don't get it, my subconscious mind is part devil part god and it's been ruling since day 0

[Victoria'smom]

is there someone who you can talk to irl that will understand? I understand what it's like to fight with food and sleep. My doctor put me on a sleeping med that was supposed to knock me out. Thorizine but it usually doesn't put me right to sleep. Eating is always been an issue for me. But you can have a good life even with those struggles. Please stay safe.

[NeverSunny]

I can relate to your feelings.I ask myself this question nearly every day. My anxiety is so severe I'm afraid to be alone. I'm also afraid to shower without someone in the bathroom with me. And now I fear driving. I feel so trapped. I take all my meds every day but they don't seem to help. Can anyone out there relate?

[*Beth*]

Sapien, how are you?

Originally Posted by Sapien

SUB! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH Home made garlic paste. They're after me and they know, they know the show and the flow grow slow so mow them low. Fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear fuzzy brain fuzzy rain fuzzy vision fuzzy mission. I feel leaches lesions.

good poetry, though the fuzzy wuzzy bit... all ready been done before.

fuzzy wuzzy was a bear, fuzzy wuzzy had no hair

fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy wuzzy
haha