Bipolar check-in #61

Therapists try to relate to you on your level regardless of age kinda. Plus most just say mom or dad bc it’s the language you use. It’s part of person centered approach. Carl Rogers founded it if you wanna Google him and read about his theory but it mostly relates to group therapy

My mom went to the pharamcy and they did give us the wrong date. I got it filled November 11th not October 27th. My mom said she could call the nurse back and have her ask my pdoc to overide things. I said no way. I will not tell my pdoc about this. Because then I'd have to tell on myself. So starting feb 3rd I'll have to go from 3 a day down to 2 a day until the 11th. I don't know. I mean maybe if I cut them in half into 4's it won't be so bad. I knew 17 extra days seemed super fishy though.

I'm trying not to panic about this. He did call in my visteril which I don't really take anymore and while its not the best it may tide me over until I can get the valium in. Especially if I take them both at the same time.

I also have TMJ. My dentist went to school for it. He said he can make me a bite guard but it would be $500. I'm just learning to catch myself and stop myself from doing it. It used to be so bad my old dentist reccomended I ask my doctor for muscle relaxers because she was concerned I'd hurt my neck. Being incredibly cold all the time is not helping it though.

It's not been a bad afternoon but I've been battling with the weather all day it seems -- I can't seem to get warm ! I've stayed in bed most of the day to just be underneath the covers. I keep a blanket over me always but it just isn't cutting it today. I may break down and turn the heat up a bit, we will see. I am trying to drink more water so these cold bottles of water I'm chugging down are probably what is keeping me feeling chilled, to be 100% honest. At least I'm getting my water intake! Might have to break out a cup of hot chocolate instead


Since my medicine has been sorted out and it's been working, I only see the psychiatrist once a month now which is kind of nice since I don't constantly have to keep up with appointment dates. I do still see my therapist weekly. I really need a calendar to keep things organized but I use my own method (I write it in my phone). I miss being a teacher and having an academic calendar/planner. I enjoyed filling it out. I also loved a big desk calendar. (Call me crazy, I'm the only person on earth who enjoys filling stuff out, including forms lol). Therapy this Friday is going to be a bit different for me -- I am gonna be open and honest and I may get some push-back and attitude. I'm hoping for no, and I am trusting my therapist will understand me. I'll explain that scenario at a different date. It'll be better to just see how it unfolds first rather than anticipating 100 different ways it can go.

Ate some soup for lunch and will probably make some cheesy rice for dinner. It's a gloomy day out and tomorrow won't be much better. I am not a fan of Winter. I'm ready for Spring. Bring on nice temps and good walking weather!

Well, that's all I have to report for my boring day lol. Feeling OK as usual.

I was ok until about noon. I had trouble right in the morning because I got wrenched out of a dream by my alarm, which was actually a good thing because it was a sort of flashback dream about the children’s state hospital I spent time in as a teen.

At noon sounds started stabbing into my ears and head. The English teacher’s voice was hurting me so bad, I thought I was going to have to leave and sit somewhere else for awhile. I started having SH urges and feeling depressed and irritable.

I still feel this way now with the added fun of images, although not SI ones. Just things trying to attack me. I really would like to be in my room in complete silence because even RS’s “like” sound on FB is messing with me. I feel like I should be wrapped up in my weighted blanket. I’m so hypersensitive I don’t want to hear anything or have anyone touch me. I want a pair of those noise canceling ear muffs my student has. My son is upstairs doing his usual “singing” and just generally making noise and I can’t stand it.

I’m supposed to make dinner which will be very easy as it’s just turkey sloppy joes made with manwich. Maybe I’ll throw some tater tots in the air fryer. I better do that and then we can eat and I’ll be absolved of my responsibilities for the night.

I’m sorry wfc being hypersensitive is torture.

Thanks nammu. I’ve retreated to my room and put on waterfall sounds. The constant unchanging sound is helping me drown out the goings on in my house. Cheeto putting weight on my stomach/chest is also calming me. He’s such a good boy.

Speaking of Cheeto I have no idea what’s happening with him. The scale still says he is 13 pounds (actually 14 but he just ate a bowl of food so I’m subtracting a pound just in case). He’s eating well and drinking from the faucet of course they won’t use the fountain! I’m glad I got the cheapest one as an experiment. His coat is still a little shabby but I’ll start brushing him, he does tend to get shabby when I forget even if he’s well. He’s had about three good days in a row now behavior wise, he’s even been greeting us at the door again when We come home. Hopefully he will continue to improve instead of decline. I’d really like him to be around for longer.

It was a long and scary morning. In short, my precious diabetic kitty, Sidney, was not herself this morning and was vomiting. I immediately tested her blood glucose level (it's a process of sticking her ear tip with a needle and measuring the blood in a meter). Thank the Universe, her glucose was not too low. That would be an emergency. So it's been a day of carefully caring for her. She has been doing well this afternoon and I hope and pray she's past whatever upset her stomach. My anxiety level was, of course, quite high. My stomach was touchy. Yet, I have to say that due to the Gabapentin and Zoloft I managed the anxiety pretty well. In the past a sick cat would have had me terrified and sick myself.

Now night is falling. The weather remains oddly warm. It's like early spring. Even the grasses have little flowers blooming in them. Hopefully, later in the winter we will return to more typically wintry weather...and rain.

My husband is coming over to take a shower. His plumbing problem has turned out to be complicated and, of course, expensive. While he's showering (he always takes forever in the bathroom and shower) I'll try to relax and watch some Netflix. SarahSweets recommended The Tudors, which I definitely want to watch. Stupidly, season 1, 2, and 4 are available on Amazon Prime, but no season 3! Weird.

I am so grateful for this forum, and for all of you. I hope the night is peaceful for all of us

I spent all day watching movies. I got up at 5:45 a.m. and got up and had cereal and coffee. Then I put on Disney plus and watched three Night at the Museum movies. Then I watched National Treasure and National Treasure 2. So basically I've been a slug on the couch all day.

But I've decided to try keto and intermittent fasting. It's now 10 p.m. and I'm only a little bit tired. My sleep is so messed up though- yesterday I didn't get up until 3 p.m. I'm sure sleep regulation has to be good for my metabolism.


I'm going to have to start drinking more water.

Ugh. I'm fasting now for the last hour and a half. Maybe I'll. Drink more water and that will help me not feel hungry. I just have to lose weight before August. I see my liver doctor then - as opposed to March-and I'm ashamed that I've gainedback nearly all the weight that I told him I'd lost the last time we talked.

Today is completly diffrent then yesterday mood and anxiety wise. I woke up at midnight in a panic because of my anxiety. I don't know why it got so bad like that. I knew valium was not an option so I had to take the visteil. So I took 2 of the visteril and then an 80 geodon so I can try to get back on track with the geodon.

I don't know if it was a diffrent generic of visteril, but I was so lethargic and fatigued when I woke up. I mean I was just on this stuff about a month ago. I needed 4 sodas and a bottle of Starbucks latte to get me going. This hunger side effect is annoying me too.

I got a lot of grocery shopping done today. But I'm just tired and hungry from the visteril. I don't remember being so tired on the visteril before and I don't know where all that sudden anxiety this morning came from either. Yesterday I was fine.

Edit: I took a couple hours nap. I dreamt I could not stop clenching my teeth and I was just biting down on them so hard. I woke up feeling ok anxiety and mental health wise. But still mediocre physically. I assume this is just a med hangover and the only thing that will help it is time. Usually by the next day I'm ok when this happens.

Poor sleep again last night but anxiety ridden but interesting dreams.

It’s looking beautiful outside but it’s very very cold. Last time I checked it was -6F with -22windchill. No choice but to go out today. Mum has a doctor check up and I scheduled my bloodwork for the same time since I have to drive her. I’d really like to cancel the whole thing, but we’re hardy Minnesota’ns so we’ll go. Brrr 🥶

I cannot bear this akathisia anymore! My NP appointment is tomorrow and I swear if whatever she does doesn't help I'm checking myself into the hospital and getting a whole new set of meds. I would rather deal with psychosis and mania and depression than akathisia, dystonia, and tremors. It's too bad I can't take lithium anymore, the one med that actually helped somewhat, but f***ed my kidneys up. I can't think of a single med combo I've been on that helped and was tolerable other than risperdal which worked for 2 years then just stopped working after giving me full on delirium (and yes, the term "delirium" is in my medical notes it was that bad).
I've already taken my max dose of valium for the day, hell, did that before 11AM. I even took a risk and took .5mg cogentin (I'm told to take in emergencies only because it gives me urinary retention so I'll probably be in the ER getting straight cath'd later anyways).
I'm not getting my next injection. No way. I can't deal with this.

Sapien, I 100% know the misery of akathisia, so send you big hugs and am hoping a solution will be found to ease yours soon. I did eventually find a good mix that didn't cause akathisia. You will, too. Hang in there!

yuck! akathesia is the worsssssst!!!!!!!! i take requip for mine and havent experienced it since starting it. risperdal caused mine from day one of taking it in ip.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Poor sleep again last night but anxiety ridden but interesting dreams. It’s looking beautiful outside but it’s very very cold. Last time I checked it was -6F with -22windchill. No choice but to go out today. Mum has a doctor check up and I scheduled my bloodwork for the same time since I have to drive her. I’d really like to cancel the whole thing, but we’re hardy Minnesota’ns so we’ll go. Brrr 🥶

Good Heavens! Nammu, that is COLD. Once I was in -4 degrees in the mountains and thought I'd end up in the ER. Do you have the ability to warm your car seats? Good luck - you really are hardy!

Oh don’t I wish, no, no car seat warmer in my car. Actually it feels like it might have warmed up a bit. The wind has gone down so less windchill. But we’ve an windchill advisories until noon tomorrow.

Mum just came up with a nurse, they are taking her to get an EKG. I hope that’s ok. Yesterday was one of her anxious days. When she gets anxious she potters around and does unnecessary job s like vacuuming and washing whatever even if it’s just a few silverware’s and a glass. When I first moved in with her I read her sheets from the doctor and saw that she had been diagnosed with major depression but wasn’t on any meds for it( probably because of her heart meds) and hadn’t been referred to a T. But since I’ve moved in she’s only had one heart attack and been in the hospital only once. Before that she was in the hospital 2-3 times a year. So I must be doing something right.

I think beardcicles are sexy :P

Had to take as needed meds last night do to restlessness.
took a zyprexa and the requip. It worked and finally got to sleep then
overslept. I need to do some thing cleaning. Hubby will ask
me what I did all day. I won't tell him that I got up at almost 1 pm.
It feels cold in the house 39 outside. It will be below freezing the next few nights. I think I will turn up the heat a bit.
Had the left over chicken soup for lunch then took my meds.
It was so windy it took off our flag pole that was on the house!
It is going to get nasty weather here. freezing rain, wind. glad to have a warm roof and home. We need to get new windows they are very drafty.
bizi

Thanks, I'll mention this one to my NP. I've also read somewhere clonidine can help so I'll mention that too. I really have to get off Haldol though.

Speaking of cold, the state has another plow naming contest. Last year plowy mcplowface won. This year one of the entrees is Betty Whiteout. I hope that one wins, there’s 8 winners for the eight districts. Some good names. When ya live with weather like ya get here in the winter ya gotta find fun where ya can. You betcha!