Bipolar check-in #64

Nothing to report-- typical day. At least I'm feeling OK.

My therapist was 15 minutes late today. After 5 minutes I was annoyed. After 10 minutes I was fuming. Finally she logged on and I immediatly layed into her and said "I was just about to say screw it and go back to bed because its starting to feel personal now." She apolgoized and said its not personal and said she knows shes late all the time. She says she trys to make up the time. I told her last time we still ended on time. She seemed legit confused and said she'll be sure to set alarms from now on. She offered me a different afternoon spot but I said I'd stick with this one. Things were quite for a few minutes. Mostly her talking. Then she said "I know your mad at me." Then I said I wasn't mad I was just super exhausted and anxious and nothing seemed to be helping. Anyways after our rocky start the session was pretty succesful. I told her I have been using the jumping to conclusions thought distortion in public a Iot which was making it hard for me to go out. So we came up with possible alternative solutions to the issues I've been having. At the end she told me shes glad I'm so flexible with switching to virtual since some of her other clients give her a hard time. So besides her being 15 minutes late it went well. I'm glad she's not the "I'm gonna call the cops you are unsafe" kinda therapist I had before I moved was.

After the session was over I decided to get chinese food for me and my mom since I have heard greasy foods help with hangovers. But I only ate 3 wontons before getting full and my lunch special is untouched in the microwave. This lack of appetite is going to become an issue soon. But the 3 wontons made me feel a bit better at least. I mean I don't feel as horrible as I did when I woke up this morning.

All done with my second fitness class. It’s a real workout. Between this class and the aqua fitness my back should get stronger. This second class is a evidence based workout for seniors. I really didn’t want to go because Monday was so painful. But today was better. I’ll still feel it but not as bad.

Quite and withdrawn today.

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Originally Posted by Nammu All done with my second fitness class. It’s a real workout. Between this class and the aqua fitness my back should get stronger. This second class is a evidence based workout for seniors. I really didn’t want to go because Monday was so painful. But today was better. I’ll still feel it but not as bad.

*high five!* That is so good, Nammu! I received the YMCA info in my email and saw an aqua fitness class. I was so excited, so I checked it out. Turns out it's at a town 30 miles away. With a a shaky old car and gas prices approaching $6...no go. It's ridiculous that this town doesn't have a swimming pool. It used to.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 No, what is that? I've been using Flonase since it's allergy season anyway. My shower really helped- though my nose is back to being stuffed up- cleared me out for at least half an hour in addition to being refreshing in general. I have comfy clothes on too.

Oh, Ocean is wonderful stuff. It's a saline nasal spray, but it's extra good. I'm annoyed because Amazon doesn't sell it, and the knock-offs are not nearly as helpful. I believe that all drug stores sell it. The last time I bought Ocean it wasn't expensive at all. I need some right now, I have such allergies.

It's now almost 9 pm when I write this and I'm beat! My s-i-l's beau was in the city I live in and asked to stop by. I thought he'd come more around 4 pm, so I put out snack stuff. In the end, he showed up closer to 5 pm and stayed and stayed, talking on and on, which he's notorious for. I generally like him, but I was getting hungry when the clock showed 6:15 pm and I knew he had a long drive home ahead of him. So, I had to figure out something for dinner...and fast. I ended up defrosting and reheating homemade meatballs in pasta sauce and boiled up some spaghetti while I prepared a vegetable salad with mozzarella. By the time all was done I was sweating. He's finally on his way home and I soon after took a shower because I felt "not so fresh". I'm almost ready to go to bed, already in my jammies.

I think I'd like my s-i-l's beau even more if he didn't two-time on my s-i-l. She knew it from the start, but originally thought it would remain a "friendship", but inevitably fell a bit in love. I think he sort of is, but still won't sufficiently break it off with the other woman. In the end, it's up to her what she's willing to accept/tolerate. I'd find it hard, though.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I'm feeling good about my husband's and my progress for our trip preparations. I typed up a detailed itinerary that is mostly complete. We already bought a few tickets to events in the city and have other ideas for things we'll do (museums, etc). Boy, are we going to be forking out a lot of money! I'm going to try not to think about that too much. At this point, all I can now do is wait until closer to the date when I'll do a lot of laundry, packing, and last minute housework. I've even created my personal packing list. I'll let Hubby create his own -- though he just wings it. When we first arrived in Europe, we bought a used Honda because our newer car was still being shipped. Since we received our car from the US, the Honda has just collected dust. We now plan to sell it. One car seems sufficient in our new life. Plus, there is convenient public bus transportation almost right in front of our house. Hubby is even thinking about getting an e-bike, which is the latest thing here. What we recoup from the Honda would pay towards our trips.

That sounds excellent, Soupe. Oooh, an e-bike. If I was 10 years younger I'd love to own one.

I got my biopsy results back. Benign! The radiologist wasn't sure they got 100% of it so I'll have a 2nd incision at my surgery to get it all out since like the other it can become cancerous but for now all is well and surgery is just 3 weeks away. I'll be so glad when this is over.

Ohhhh, I am so sleepy. I was foolish and stayed awake past midnight watching a video about whether Catherine of Aragon was really a virgin when she married Henry VIII. It all led to such fascinating changes in British/world history - and all based on Catherine's "purity" (or not) state. Anyway, I'm sure that Henry VIII was a sociopath. Or had brain injury trauma from a jousting accident that may have caused his erratic behavior.

I'm still burning about that pdoc. David was appalled by the stuff she said. She was literally screaming at me (I did not raise my voice during the argument; she was yelling) about how she went to school to get a medical degree and how dare I try to tell her how to prescribe medication. It's okay, though....it'll all go into my letter of complaint that I will submit to her supervisor.

I have the appt. with the new med provider on Monday and I'm actually excited to meet him.

I am headed to the grocery store. The idea of putting my shoes on my feet is daunting. Stupid me. I absolutely have to get to bed earlier tonight.

Hugs all around~

I think I'd like to give it a try. The good thing about having one when older is that you don't have to be in as good of a shape (as in youth) to peddle up all the hills. And our area has plenty of hills!

BIPOLAR-RELATED: I'm not sure if this is relevant to any other members here, but I stopped riding a bike several years ago when my bipolar medications affected my balance. At some points this was quite bad. One medication cocktail even caused significant leg muscle weakness (and weight gain). To the degree that I would fall over, if not holding on, if I tried to kneel down. I also couldn't stand on my toes for more than a second or two. Beth, you know as a fellow former dancer that such a disability would seem pretty sad. Luckily those issues eased over time, primarily because of medication changes and to a lesser degree because of some weight loss. The changes first got rid of the muscle weakness. A major reduction in another med eased imbalance/clumsiness. I'm so glad because, since then, I haven't accidentally injured myself. I used to be so prone to falls and stumbles, cuts and other injuries, on the old dose. So...maybe I can ride a bike again? I used to be a passionate bike rider as a kid.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I got my biopsy results back. Benign! The radiologist wasn't sure they got 100% of it so I'll have a 2nd incision at my surgery to get it all out since like the other it can become cancerous but for now all is well and surgery is just 3 weeks away. I'll be so glad when this is over.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! That is such GREAT NEWS!!!!!! Wonderful, wonderful! Just the last stretch of all of it and you are done!
Rainbow ROCKS!

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I think I'd like to give it a try. The good thing about having one when older is that you don't have to be in as good of a shape (as in youth) to peddle up all the hills. And our area has plenty of hills! BIPOLAR-RELATED: I'm not sure if this is relevant to any other members here, but I stopped riding a bike several years ago when my bipolar medications affected my balance. At some points my balance issues were quite bad. One medication cocktail even caused significant leg muscle weakness (and weight gain). To the degree that I would fall over, if not holding on, if I tried to kneel down. Beth, you know as a fellow former dancer that such a disability would seem sad. Luckily those issues eased over time, primarily because of medication changes and also because of some weight loss. However, the medications' effects on my balance and muscles were the main culprits. The changes first got rid of the muscle weakness. A major reduction in another med eased imbalance/clumsiness. I'm so glad because I haven't accidentally injured myself for a long time. I used to be so prone to falls and stumbles on the old dose. So...maybe I can ride a bike again? I used to be a passionate bike rider as a kid.

Oooh, now I'm intrigued about the e-bike.

I was an avid bicyclist until I was 55, 4 years ago. Over the years I did have 2 accidents - one, I hit a pool of oil, bike flipped over, I ended up with a false front tooth. The other, I was lightly hit by a pick-up truck - fortunately not badly hurt. Still, I kept riding. Thennn...the medication imbalance problem. I started getting scared, sold my wonderful Raleigh bike, and stopped riding. I so miss it.

Anyway! Soupe, I urge you to give it a try. You'd know pretty soon if biking is for you, or not. Hopefully, it is and you'll love it again!

Those kind of accidents would seem to make most people scared! Really, it has been the scariness that's continued to keep me from trying. I do have an old dusty bike in our garage. I should at least give that bike a try (on more level ground) to at least see how it feels. It's amazingly sad how bipolar disorder can affect confidence, in so many ways! Fear of riding a bike again is just one teeny minor example of how it's affected mine. Perhaps I need some figurative training wheels.

Fantastic news !!!!!!!

I’m overjoyed for you. I’d like to fast forward the days for you

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour It's now almost 9 pm when I write this and I'm beat! My s-i-l's beau was in the city I live in and asked to stop by. I thought he'd come more around 4 pm, so I put out snack stuff. In the end, he showed up closer to 5 pm and stayed and stayed, talking on and on, which he's notorious for. I generally like him, but I was getting hungry when the clock showed 6:15 pm and I knew he had a long drive home ahead of him. So, I had to figure out something for dinner...and fast. I ended up defrosting and reheating homemade meatballs in pasta sauce and boiled up some spaghetti while I prepared a vegetable salad with mozzarella. By the time all was done I was sweating. He's finally on his way home and I soon after took a shower because I felt "not so fresh". I'm almost ready to go to bed, already in my jammies. I think I'd like my s-i-l's beau even more if he didn't two-time on my s-i-l. She knew it from the start, but originally thought it would remain a "friendship", but inevitably fell a bit in love. I think he sort of is, but still won't sufficiently break it off with the other woman. In the end, it's up to her what she's willing to accept/tolerate. I'd find it hard, though.

Good for you for thinking on your feet. Sheesh. That shower must have felt divine.

Well, I've been in the situation a couple of times, and a person can certainly be in love with 2 people at the same time. I won't lie, though - it gets quite complicated, wearying, and almost inevitably someone(s) end up terribly hurt. But, life goes on.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour .... It's amazingly sad how bipolar disorder can affect confidence, in so many ways! Fear of riding a bike again is just one teeny minor example of how it's affected mine. Perhaps I need some figurative training wheels.

Ha, yes. Training wheels would be terrific. And yes- mental illness is like a vicious, mean, vindictive old aunt. It never stops haranguing. You can't get its voice out of your head...it follows you everywhere you go.

What a beautiful day! Warm, but breezy. I'm going to rearrange my bedroom a little bit. I'm so sleepy, but I feel absolutely FREE to be rid of the drain of that beast of a psychiatrist. Months and months of battling to cope with her. Now she is gone, gone, gone.

The little dove has returned, cooing outside of my bedroom window. I don't know where she was all winter, but as soon as spring came there she was, cooing away.

Bouquets of daisies all around and- a toast to absent friends~

Oh boy

Well oral surgeon was looking at my X-rays and discussing my situation.

Because the crack in my tooth was deeper than was expected also noted by Dentist there is a pretty good chance that a root canal won’t fix the problem. He went into great detail that I can’t figure out how to explain it to you all . So when I asked him directly what I should do. He said you have a 1000.00 crown that was hopefully going to take care of it but it hasn’t. So if I added the root canal that’s another 1400 invested and if it didn’t work I’d need to have the tooth extracted so weighting my options and his opinion I’m not going forward with the root canal. He gave me a script for antibiotics incase I get an abscess. I need to follow up with my dentist as he does implants which honestly I don’t think I could ever afford. But I’ll see him about it.

So I still have pain ( oh joy) if I lose the tooth it will really effect my ability to chew as I also am missing a tooth on the other side.

So I’m really sad that I’m still in pain and wondering if I should just go ahead with extraction.

The only positive part of any of this is that the tooth is in the back so it wouldn’t show. *** small blessing***

I went and got my hair cut I just needed a pick me up. I had 6-8 inches chopped off. Loads of layers and my curls and waves are gorgeous again.

Hope everyone is having a pleasant day.

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Really depressed today it been almost 5 months since my wife passed away. I am still super depressed. I ended up going to the doc in a box. I got antibiotics for my Gastroparesis and that has been helping I have not thrown up for the night and day now it been nice.

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