Bipolar check-in #65

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Chickened out, back to writing

Do you mean you didn't openly talk with her?

We talked about Miguel moving out. How that's effected mine and h's relationship. I did tell her I'm smoking and that it's helping. She wants to work on me feeling loved. She asked if I was lied to a lot when I was younger. Which I don't think I was but it was unsafe but I didn't tell her that I didn't think of that. I think I have to sit down and write a bunch. I guess I'm going to have to go through my history.

I hear you gain a crap ton of weight when your thyroid is removed. I don't know if thats true or not I heard it on one HGTV show. I just want this bump thing when I swallow to be removed regardless if its cancer or not.

Yes, my initial impression was that it was stress and anxiety but I had so many people pushing me to get it checked out that I got scared and did. I had a bad headache and the machine broke down and I was in an uncomfortable position for 40 minutes while they fixed it but overall it was good to get it over with. I’m done with testing. The doctor should call tomorrow with the diagnosis.

It’s hard going without caffeine, food and drink for over 14 hours. When I got home I went directly for caffeine then food then sparkling water. Hopefully things turn out okay. If this is stress - I need to make some definite lifestyle changes.

It’s a beautiful day. I think I’ll take some berry tea outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Hugs to all.

Okay. 99 degrees. Yes, 99 freakin' damn degrees. And there's a wind blowing, but it's sure not cool and off the ocean, it's hot and dry so I guess it's coming out of hell.

Even with the a/c and fans blowing the cats are pancakes. I do love to drink water and I have some La Croix, which is stomach settling in the heat. Sometimes I mix it with orange juice. I also drink water made with a little bit of peppermint and ginger teas, just to flavor it. I learned from Laura Ingalls Wilder that drinking ginger water in the heat keeps your stomach settled.


I bit the bullet and made an appointment for Friday with another therapist at my regular T's clinic. I don't even know why. Just to de-stress, I guess. The therapist is a psychologist, but she's "around 30." That's younger than my kids. *sigh* Maybe youthful optimism will pick up my mood. I just miss Mary.

And I made an appt. for Monday to get a hair cut. Sure don't have the money, so much stuff needs to be paid. Utilities. But I'll push those out. David will have a fit. Too bad for him. I haven't had my hair cut since February and it's crawling all over me. I sure hope the stylist doesn't chop it off, though. I just want a trim.

Beth I hear you about young therapists. I’ve been lucky with my Ts to usually have older or my own age. The ones I clicked with were mostly free flowing hippie types. I just related better. There’s not much choice now and I’m glad I can function fine without one, cause man, starting all over!

Prednisone is already killing me. I am literally burning up, nausea and just want to climb out of my skin. Sleep for 33 seconds then wide awake. Headache blah blah blah blah.

I’m not sure I can deal with all the side effects this time.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh that sounds horrendous :grouphug

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Beth I hear you about young therapists. I’ve been lucky with my Ts to usually have older or my own age. The ones I clicked with were mostly free flowing hippie types. I just related better. There’s not much choice now and I’m glad I can function fine without one, cause man, starting all over!

Yes, exactly - Mary is a free spirit hippie type, very much so. And so warm and affectionate.

It'll be interesting to see the other therapist, I just hope I don't waste gas driving over there to talk with a child, lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Prednisone is already killing me. I am literally burning up, nausea and just want to climb out of my skin. Sleep for 33 seconds then wide awake. Headache blah blah blah blah. I’m not sure I can deal with all the side effects this time. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ohhh, Christina. That sounds horrid. I dunno, kiddo....maybe not worth it?

Thinking of you and sending gentle hugs and soothing vibes.

My regular doctor was out of the office when I was sick so I saw a Dr. Smith. Man, is he on the ball! I had a urine sample for diabetes check and by the time I was in line at Sonic 5 minutes later, they had called and said I had a UTI and had called in Cipro. He’s been like this with every test. He read my stress test at 5:18 and passed on the results. Every test looks good. I’m healthy. I’m so relieved. That leaves stress/anxiety but I’ll let him tell me tomorrow what his diagnosis is. I’d like to change doctors. I do understand that stress can kill as surely as anything and I need to get it under control. This was eye opening for me. Doing a happy dance that I’m healthy.

About to go into a Zoom meeting.

Hugs to all.

Good news Jennifer

Oooh my god my mom texted me telling me she filled out an intake form for a therapist!!!! Unbelievable! Who knows if she’ll stick with it and actually go but that she even took the first step is amazing. I am so happy for her, and so excited to tell my brother tomorrow at dinner! Which he confirmed so barring any unforeseen circumstances (of which there tend to be) we will see them to plan. If not I’ll FaceTime with them, we need to get this moving before she changes her mind.

As for me, I’m getting super frustrated with my inability to remember anything, distractibility, inability to concentrate, and other cognitive impairments and executive function problems. I can’t focus on anything, my mind wanders all the time, I can’t even focus on conversations with RS and my son. I’m going to bring a notebook with me to the dinner tomorrow because I WILL NOT remember it. I don’t know what’s going on and it scares me. I’m wondering if one of my medications has messed up my brain function. I asked RS if he’d ever been to a specific park and he said yes, WE went there together. No recollection. All I can say is I’m VERY glad I didn’t give in to pressure and have ECT again, it would have made thins a thousand times worse.

I had a weird dream last night. I was IP at my usual place but they had divided it up to be 2 halls, one for men and one for women. I was really upset because there wasn't space to pace until I realized that the hospital had merged with the zoo and so you could sit in your room and watch zebras and gorillas outside the windows. I was so happy to have that to watch that I didn't want to leave my room and missed meals.


I have no idea what that was about but it sure would be nice if IP were at a zoo instead of a fairly grubby part of the city.

Rainbow 🌈 what a cool dream! I love it.

@christina That really sucks about your Prednisone.

@BeyondtheRainbow What a cool dream!

@*Beth* I remember the first time I saw a doctor younger than me. I was pregnant with N 3 and in the ER because I was having contractions. I think I was 23 weeks and the young doctor just said that they wouldn't send me up to labor and delivery. Now of course they will attempt to save a 23 weeker.

I live in the Ohio Valley and allergies here are brutal. My eyes are killing me. Maybe I need to get some eye drops? Because Allegra doesnt help with my eyes much

I am having great anxiety over my sister who is a rabid, hostile, bully. I take up for myself and my mother and brother but the toll it takes on me is enormous. I am filled with anxiety and fear whenever she is involved because I know it will always get ugly with screaming and name calling. It’s bad when the abusive person is in your own circle. There is no getting away from it. I’m not sure what to do. I try to stand up to her and it gets worse. It helps to talk about it here. I guess I need to realize that she has no power over me and that screaming and name calling can’t hurt me. Forget her.

I'm sorry if I didn't catch this previously, but is there any way that you can avoid your sister? Or if she goes into a rage, tell her to "take a time out" and rather than argue/fight, state her behavior is unacceptable so won't be responded to (ignore her). I can't help but wonder if she needs some psychiatric medications. Maybe some antipsychotic, plus anger management classes.

I wouldn't say that my brother is quite to the degree of your sister, but he is very prone to extreme anger outbursts when anyone says something he disagrees with (especially if it is political). I've simply had to leave the premises those times and take a break from him. Sadly, he is not the type to ever apologize, but as I'm very good at letting people's offenses go, if the next time I see him he is calm and civil, I just do. My brother should really be in therapy and likely take medications. My sister agrees. But it can be hard. He lives alone, so by not having people with him a lot he just persists with that behavior. He is very lonely, but that's not quite enough yet to convince him to get the help.

I so feel for you that you have a very unwell dependent brother and an ailing scared mom. I know it is hard to know what's best to do or it can be frustrating when people won't take steps to make things easier for all. A few years ago, my family was in a similar situation with my dad whose behavior became reckless and he ended up in the ICU for over a week. It was sad that it ended in such a way. He has been in assisted living since. It is a relief, though. My siblings and I had to be tough in demanding he get help.

I know alcohol is not involved in your family's case, but I'll share that in Al-Anon, it is very emphasized that family members MUST take care of themselves first. Too often family members enable their loved ones with addiction. It becomes hard for any progress to take place. Ideally it is helpful for an intervention to happen, but if that's not possible (i.e. if all family members are in some form of crisis), stepping away may be needed. Yes, that sometimes causes resentment, but it can be for the best. It's not up to you to "save" your family IF they have no desire/intention of working with you to make positive changes.