Panic when taking meds

So H has been making sure I take my night meds but I freak out until I pass out from the sleep medication. I react like they are going to kill me even though I know they're saving my marriage right now. My paranoia has got to the point I'm pretty much in a constant panic attack. It's hard to breath. But taking the anxiety meds are going to spike my anxiety. The meds won't help if I don't take them but I need to not freak out and try to expel them from my body. I know my paranoia is wrong and the anxiety meds are in theory suppose to help but getting them down 3x a day seems insurmountable.

Take your meds as prescribed and they won't kill you. Especially if you're having panic attacks. I get panic attacks and I have nothing to help me through them.

Is it possible to get an injectable AP on board? I had the same problem but then they put me on Risperdal Consta and that helped a lot with the paranoia and freaking out about meds. Not only did it ensure I took the risperdal but it helped me take oral meds too because I didn't have that paranoia or impulsivity anymore.

I'm on abiliify injection and torizen and prozac along with viseril

I know you said you panic when taking them, but have you been taking them anyways? You shouldn't be struggling so much on a good mix--I'm sorry things have been so hard lately but the meds won't kill you if you take them as prescribed

I have been taking them - the viseril for anxiety. H wants me to take the viseril 3x a day but I freak out taking the prozac and torizine until I pass out from the thorizine. So I can't see taking medication 4x a day. I know it won't kill me logically but what if it makes me to trusting and he is messing around and hates me. I know it's illogical but what if he's just trying to get me to shut the **** up? I hate this. I hate that I can look fine for weeks and be flipping out in side. One day it will ruin our relationship.

Took one next one in 6 hours. pray it actually works.

I keep thinking everybody is out to take advantage of me, speaking of being too trusting. I also know what you mean about appearing normal but freaking out on the inside. I'm sure you're on the right meds per your pdoc and I would take them as prescribed. Unless I were manic and then all rules go out the window. I'm not sure you're right about ruining your relationship. I mean your DH has bp, also, right? So he should understand that part of you well, I'd think.

Yep, freaking out inside but appearing normal. *sigh*

I agree with Sapien, though....if the meds are doing their job, shouldn't your paranoia be gone, or close to?

I think I'm freaking out because I let slip everyone hates me in therapy yesterday and she attached to it.
Yes he does. I told him one day he'll leave me over this. He reassured me he would not.

You would think but weeks ago I was hearing things and doing a lot worse. All I told my pdoc is my depression was getting worse. I didn't mention my guilt, paranoia, or voices. I don't see him until June now. I'd rather have time with T to actually assess me then more meds. Because meds right now are tough.

I'm planning on writing everything down and have a serious talk with my therapist next Tuesday. So that I have to stop "presenting nice". She's probably was wondering why I was there until I slipped up yesterday. That was towards the end of the session. It's not like I wasn't talking about things just not things about my mental health. And I said the right numbers on the 1-10 scale but no one knows why I put the numbers that I do. So I wrote down my scale for her so I can't skate by anymore. I'm so nervous. Then I had to tell H why she wanted us to go out for icecream. Then things fell apart on the outside. It's like letting people in makes it worse because I know it's wrong what I'm thinking but it's stuck in my head. She was trying to assess if my relationships are going to fall apart or if it was just my feelings. That didn't help because now I'm searching for any little thing to prove that I'm right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom ...... I'd rather have time with T to actually assess me then more meds. Because meds right now are tough. I'm planning on writing everything down and have a serious talk with my therapist next Tuesday. So that I have to stop "presenting nice". She's probably was wondering why I was there until I slipped up yesterday. That was towards the end of the session. It's not like I wasn't talking about things just not things about my mental health. And I said the right numbers on the 1-10 scale but no one knows why I put the numbers that I do. So I wrote down my scale for her so I can't skate by anymore. I'm so nervous. Then I had to tell H why she wanted us to go out for icecream. Then things fell apart on the outside. It's like letting people in makes it worse because I know it's wrong what I'm thinking but it's stuck in my head. She was trying to assess if my relationships are going to fall apart or if it was just my feelings. That didn't help because now I'm searching for any little thing to prove that I'm right.

((((((BIG hug!))))))

I feel that you are making a wise choice by going over stuff with your T. I'm in a similar place right now, very much so. I strongly believe in the importance of medication, but I'm also coming to accept that there are some things that might be very painful and harsh, but that in the long-term it will be more beneficial to work through those things in therapy than to add on more meds.

If T wants me to talk to pdoc I will but I don't know how to stop presenting well because it's mostly inside me. Pdoc wants our next meeting in person. I'm nervous about that too. H didn't even realize he took over my meds weeks ago until I outright said it on Friday. I'm quiet so I don't talk about the things I think and feel I stay with the acceptable problems.

I'm really pissed that everyone is lying. I'm know it's not true but it feels like it. I don't get the game they're playing. putting it into words makes it so much more scarier. I understand that she knows my dx. but I wish I didn't slip up.

Freaking out inside.. I relate

I know it sounds paranoid (maybe). They really do lie in this area (medicos etc irl)

I'm thinking what would I change to correct everyone's thoughts of me. I'm just so angry. WTF am I thinking like this? I don't get it. How is any of this helpful? either way It's me. If everyone hates me then I have to change something. If it's my thoughts betraying me I need to get a handle on it. I can't figure out what universally is wrong with me that would make my world hate me.

What if people don't hate you? (I'm one of those people! )

How do I stop the wrong thoughts then? How can I be paranoid and know it? How come no one can tell?! WTF does it come with self harm thoughts? I've been like this for month(s) why now when T stumbles on to it do I fall apart?

You just said you're paranoid so you do know it. What do you expect people to do- say "you seem paranoid"? I mean they COULD but most people aren't that perceptive. Do you have self harm thoughts often? Maybe that's your go-to way of dealing with stress? I'm not sure that you've fallen apart. When's the next time you see your T?

Seem to lately I use to have them all the time

It maybe

I see her Tuesday, then not again for two weeks. I didn't build enough trust in her before my mouth betrayed me. So I'm walking a thin line between getting help and being hospitalized because she doesn't know me well enough. This is a very important week. I can't miss it.

Calmer today. Still believe it but believe there's nothing I can do about it. Will continue with the anxiety med until this resolves. If it resolves. I just hate that this therapist seems to (un)knowingly step in all the **** in my life now I have to clean it up. It was wrapped up all nice, now it's everywhere.

I did nothing but ordered a pizza today. Anxiety is a *****. Everyone is asking me what's wrong. H even tried testing my comprehension. I look stressed. The anxiety meds aren't working. My sister Even asked over text what was going on with me. I told her anxiety from my new therapist and everyone being sick here. I hate this.

So I'm not going to let H go into my t appointment unless T asks. I don't trust her not to convince him I need IP or him not to say something that she latches on to sway her to make me go IP. In less then 24 hours I'll know. I'll let you guys know.

So I asked h to go in with me after he spilled coffee all over me. She has him hiding the meds and sharp objects. She took it really well. wrote her # and extension and days works. She doesn't want it to get the urge to hit hard and me screw up and not be safe. Tomorrow everyone is coming in to town the house is destroyed. I can't take care of it so whatever.

May ask one of you children to come over early

to help tidy up the place?
Will you serve a meal or are they just
coming over to say hi or happy mothers day?
I hope you survive the company.

Just remember that every one loves you.

sorry you are having a hard time with this holiday.
bizi

My mom came over and saved the day. She spent a good hour cleaning our house before the guests came. We've been on the go since Wednesday. Miguel graduated had, had a party and we're finally relaxing with one of our guests. They leave tonight. There were 3 in his major graduating with him. He moves out next week. So we have a busy time. I made it through everything. Now hopefully things settle.

I'm thinking about getting a service dog.

Congratulations Miguel and mom!