Telling boyfriend about bipolar disorder

I'm not sure what to search for in the forum...I'm sure someone has asked this question. Forgive me if here's an answer somewhere that I didn't find.

Anyway, I started dating a guy a few months ago. Things have been going great. We have a lot in common and like to water ski and jog together. I feel really close to him, unlike I've felt with other guys. He seems to think the same about me.

We've talked a bit about moving in together. That would be really fun! I'd like to tell him about my bipolar disorder before then so he knows what he's getting into, but I'm afraid that he'll treat me differently upon hearing that news.

I guess that's a risk, and maybe it's worth the risk. After all, I don't want to be involved with someone who doesn't understand. Better to know sooner than later.

Let me know if you've ever told your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/whoever and what happened.

Tell him. Don't wait until the first time you have an episode! He will resent that you don't trust him enough and give him a chance to make the choice to move in based on all the information.

If he treats you differently or rejects you because of it, he's not worth having. Better to know now than later.

My husband didn't walk away and it's been 30 years. He puts up with it and helps me because he loves me that much. I hope you are as lucky.

It seems to me that this is the right time to tell him. Of course it will be a test, of sorts. If his reaction is negative, then you should know that now. However, it sounds like you two are getting serious. If he really likes (or loves) you, one would hope that your mental illness won't matter to him.

I'm presuming that he's never seen you notably depressed or hypomanic/manic? If not, it might be good to start the conversation with how well you've been doing, that you seek medical help to control your illness, and have lots of coping tools that you work at. However, he should also be told that sometimes the illness symptoms break through, regardless. And if they do, ask him how much he knows about the disorder. If little, you may want to share some of the symptoms you've experienced in the past. Maybe even mention that you've been hospitalized (if you have been) and what YOUR flavor of the disorder most often looks like. For example, do you tend to lean more depression or hypomania/mania (or mixed). When talking about it, I would try not to scare him with any extreme details or particularly bad horror stories.

If your boyfriend wants to learn more, rather than presenting a long lecture, perhaps offer him a good book on the disorder. I'd avoid memoirs. Rather find a decent simple book on bipolar disorder. It's best that he know which type of bipolar disorder you have. If you've never experienced psychosis, I'd tell him that. No need him getting extra concerned, needlessly.

I wasn't formally diagnosed until 32. I had already been married for five years. Hubby knew I had some kind of mental health issue from the start, though. He was understanding and tolerant of my many symptoms, though it did get to the point where accepting treatment was needed. Before meeting him, I lived with a college sweetheart for about three years. I was absolutely symptomatic when living with him. Honestly, I'm sure it was my bipolar disorder that ended that relationship. He was not as tolerant of my symptoms as my husband has been. Some of his reactions now make me glad the relationship didn't work out. Not that untreated mental illness doesn't warrant negative reactions, but there are different categories of reactions.

Thanks, guys. You're right. Now is the right time to tell him. I'm going to buy a book for him on the topic because I'm sure he'll have questions. Maybe Bipolar for dummies. Lol

I guess I would would like to hear how you do it. Do you have any symptoms out of the normal?