Bipolar check-in #67

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Part of having a migraine is feeling hot - your head mostly. I just took my 2nd -and last- Sumatriptan dose 25 minutes ago. I've got cold water in the hot water bottle which is on my chest and an ice pack below my head at the base of my skull. I hope this 2nd pill does the trick . None of the other 3 in the last 24 hours have worked.

I'm so sorry you're having such pain. Migraines are a hell. I've had a headache for weeks, non-stop. While I was going through menopause the headaches almost went away. I don't get the severe migraines anymore, but I do get moderate ones. And the weeks-long, non-stop dull headaches.

I had my final appointment with Dr. B. I regret that we couldn't have continued to work together. The session today was helpful, as was working with him in general, over the past five or so weeks. I'm not sure I'll ever quite understand therapists, though. They turn on and turn off like a light switch.

Unfortunately, I am feeling extremely anxious.

I definitely need to work with Mary on what has happened; my goal and hope is to have a better understanding of the situation, where she's at/where I'm at, and come to a decent amount of peace with it. Of course, that's on hold until she returns...her plan is 7/11. We'll see.

After that? I do feel that I need a therapist, but I want to work with a reliable person who is competent.

But for right now, I hope I'm not heading into an episode of severe anxiety. I can raise the Gabapentin by 300mg; perhaps I'll do that.

So time to take a break.

Take care everyone

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I'm sorry you're going through such changes with your careteam, *Beth*. I'm on Gabapentin, too, but for periferal neuropathy. They told me it had sedative properties, though. I hope you can work the dosage out.

I worry about you, ~Christina. I hope all is well, & that your departure wasn't precipitated by anything specific. Hang in there.

Some Americans are fed the inaccurate line that universal healthcare is "communism", and they believe it. Or some insist stuff like "I'm not supporting strangers on MY dime!" Many of those same people would scream if they couldn't collect Social Security and Medicare in retirement, or if their roads and bridges were never fixed. Strange double standards, for sure. There are many! And so extremely difficult to change some peoples' minds about this. False propaganda makes sure of that.

Today's big stressor is that a photographer and his assistant were in our rented house taking photos and videos of the rooms. The assisted was sort of staging by moving many of our items out of sight so there was no clutter. By clutter, I don't mean mess, though. Very invasive, but she tried putting most things back. We're did our landlady a huge favor by our cooperation. We already did by drastically sprucing up the house since moving in. Sure would be nice if we received some gesture of appreciation before we move out.

The extreme stress made me sweat, as usual. Also brought on clumsiness. Today I broke a valuable vase that meant a lot to Hubby. Afterwards I just laid in bed sad and shedding some tears.

I'll start my increased med dose tonight, as I don't have to get up early tomorrow.

My T emailed me last night and asked if a certain date in July would work to meet with this other therapist. I replied and said yeah and then asked if it would be in person or through zoom and if my T would be with us. Then later last night I sent another one and I kinda spilled my guts about how bad the restricting and the constant weighing myself has been. I didn't tell her about the med manipulation because I forgot to. But I figured I might as well go ahead and be honest so she can do what she has to do even if it is shady.

I know the media can influence EDs. I came out a couple days after Thanksgiving 2019 to my close family members and my therapist and pdoc. Then Elliot Page came out in December 2020 and I've been kind of motivated whenever he posts pictures. But he is 5'1 and I am 5''5 so he'll be smaller no matter what. I know I got my top surgery very quickly the way he did and I have an at home gym so I could get abs if I put in the work. I am only 7 pounds overweight according to the BMI. But I can see how the media influences EDs. I seemed to start having legit issues with food and weight loss after my top surgery when my chest was not my main source of dysphoria anymore. I know that can often happen to trans men.

I hope you are okay. Please take care of yourself.

I’m sorry about the vase. I hope the stress gets better

I’m feeling better mentally and physically today. I have a pesky dry cough remaining but that’s all. I accept that I will have good days and bad days. Today looks to be okay. I’m possibly going to the pool and definitely going to buy flowers. Going to get my house in order as well.

I have a Zoom meeting tonight for a mid year review. Next week is a new bible study, lunch with friends and a cookout. I’m getting back into the game. Doing the best I can anyway. I’ve started my healthy smoothies, daily walks and meditation back as well. Yay!

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I’m sorry about the anxiety. I hope it gets better.

That would have been scary hearing the gunshots and screams and I’d imagine you’d feel helpless too. When I was a teenager I had a group / gang of older males (I’m female) come after me while I was at school armed with knives. I was protected by some teachers but I think if I’d been in America those would probably have been guns and it would have turned out very differently. I’m glad they’re not so easy to get here but I’m sorry for the people who have to live with that fear.

Maybe your issues are more complex than she’s able to deal with or more complex than she was expecting? Not your fault or anything just a possible reason.

I know it’s weird and it only sometimes works not always but have you ever tried eating something hot and salty and fatty like hash browns or potato wedges or something like that? Hash browns from McDonald’s are best for me. Sometimes after I’ve taken triptans and paracetamol and codeine and it hasn’t worked I have some hot salty fatty food and sometimes but not always it works. Just a suggestion if you’ve never tried it before. Hope you feel better!

Its just this contiunes to happen with therapist after therapist and its getting tiring to keep being handed over and not getting anywhere. The therapist I was supposed to be working with before my current one had a waiting list and she was out of network and I'd be paying a lot to see her plus she only did remote. So thats when I called around and found my current T and asked the office if she worked with both trans and ED clients and they said yeah she did. Then when I first met with her those were my first 2 questions and she also said she was equipped to deal with them.

I really didn’t want to go to aqua fitness today but I’m glad I did. I need to remind myself that sometimes you just need to do it. Those not wanting to do it are just feelings not legitimate reasons to not do something.

Woot! What a way to go. You inspire me.

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Originally Posted by buddha1too I'm sorry you're going through such changes with your careteam, *Beth*. I'm on Gabapentin, too, but for periferal neuropathy. They told me it had sedative properties, though. I hope you can work the dosage out. I worry about you, ~Christina. I hope all is well, & that your departure wasn't precipitated by anything specific. Hang in there.

Thank you, buddha. I did take the extra 300mg last night and so far, feel calmer this morning.

Christina, I'm also concerned...??

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Originally Posted by unlived That would have been scary hearing the gunshots and screams and I’d imagine you’d feel helpless too. When I was a teenager I had a group / gang of older males (I’m female) come after me while I was at school armed with knives. I was protected by some teachers but I think if I’d been in America those would probably have been guns and it would have turned out very differently. I’m glad they’re not so easy to get here but I’m sorry for the people who have to live with that fear.

What a terrifying experience for you.

I lived in a ghetto for 7 years; shootings were literally an everyday occurrence, as were other forms of violence. Interestingly, there was also a very strong sense of community there.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ...I replied and said yeah and then asked if it would be in person or through zoom and if my T would be with us. ...

Have you had her answer yet?