Bipolar check-in #67

Aurelius710 · 02:29 AM

Visit with my new primary care doctor went well! Got established, told him of my health care needs, he made a GI referral (for another health condition), confirmed my neurology appointment and seemed willing to coordinate with my mental health doctor. All in all, no complaints.

I do have a decision to make on neurology though. I have an appointment with a doctor affiliated with my new providers Aug 22. I also got a notification from the neurologist affiliated with my previous providers (Who I have no real love for anymore.) about a July 7th appointment. This is the doctor who refused to see me for only being able to pay $60 of an $110 appointment (a total that magically switched to $68, which makes this doc look a whole lot worse). However, an earlier appointment is an earlier appointment, and the primary doc said a rescheduled appointment would be 4-6 months.

Medicaid covers both neurologists, so price won't be a major issue (YAY!). The issue would be if I take the July 7th appointment with the neurologist I don't have fond feelings for, I'll likely be stuck with him for the duration of any treatment.

I should swallow my pride and go (considering the seriousness), but in addition to my ambivalence, it's going to create a logistical nightmare if I transition to proper insurance soon (Primary care doctor with one hospital chain, specialist with another.). I don't know.

Soupe du jour · Jun 30, 2022, 01:15 AM

@*Beth* it has brought a smile to my face reading about your rollerskating these weeks. I totally understand your disappointment when the new med threatened that. My clumsiness has been an issue for years. It's actually reduced slightly. The consensus has been that Tegretol is the main culprit, so yes, moodstabilizers can sometimes cause this, too. I also think Lithium did, and maybe even Depakote. I also believe my bipolar, itself, has played a part. When I'm elevated, I get careless and do thinks that put me at risk. When depressed, lethargy and cloudy thinking may.

I only started taking the additional 200 mg Seroquel IR last night, because yesterday I knew I had to get up early. A little surprisingly, I woke up at 4 am and then 6 am this morning, and was then ready to start my day with my usual good energy. No sedation. After only one dose I won't judge its efficacy. You likely know that higher doses of Seroquel can be less sedating than very low ones. My pdoc increased it for moodstabilizing, primarily. Sleep aid only as might come with stabilization.

Hubby and I have no choice but to keep the house search rolling. No choice.

Soupe du jour · 01:49 AM

Today is the last day of school for kids in CZ. You see all of the kids (or parent, if walking them to school) carrying gifts (darky) for their teachers. A tradition. Only today they have a couple cops directing traffic on our road in front of the nearby school. Not sure, and they are never otherwise there. No need as school shootings are unheard of here. I looked it up and couldn't find even one that qualified as "mass shooting". They are there as mere crossing guards. Czech Republic is on an official list as the 8th safest country in the world, after 1. Iceland, 2. New Zealand, 3. Portugal, 4. Austria, 5. Denmark, 6. Canada, and 7. Singapore. See list here. Perhaps some factors may play a part, but still there is no feeling of fear here in the way there is in the US. The kids also have a freedom here that ones in the US had before the 1970s, after which fear movies even started being shown to kids in schools. I remember one. I know the whole situation is difficult to fully analyze, but to me it should be more, and more importantly, acted on in a better way than it is...or is not. Lord help it when someone in the US wants to try modeling some things after one of the above-mentioned top 7 (or maybe 6, since Singapore has severe methods).

Note: If you look at the website I linked to above, the safest are clearly the first list. The second at the bottom are surely the unsafest. I think the article writer accidentally left out the "un" in "unsafest". The US is in that list. What a shame! I contacted the website about that.

Sunflower123 · Jun 30, 2022, 06:43 AM

I did my mid year review yesterday and found myself filled with anger, hatred and cynicism for the whole process and life in general. I know about the 5 stages of grief and I figured I was in anger. Still, that is SO unlike me and my general outlook that it was uncomfortable and painful. Like nails on a chalkboard. I slept it off and am back to normal this morning. I can’t imagine going through life bitter and full of anger and hatred. That little bit was enough for me.

Looking forward to a wonderful day.

Sunflower123 · Jun 30, 2022, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

First, I'm sorry I've not been very good at giving hugs or thanks on posts lately. I'm reading but having trouble doing more than skimming through right now.

I'm having serious anxiety problems. As I said a few days ago I'm house/pet/chicken sitting for the next 7 days (5 days down). And it seems that every day has had issues messing with my head.

I am chicken sitting despite being scared of birds. I'm actually doing ok with them although I've not had to go into the coop yet. My BIL left tons of food and water for them which was so nice. I'll probably go in tomorrow or the next day.

The other thing I really struggle with is dead stuff. So of course my first morning the cat had brought a mole to the porch. I disposed of that. Then I had to empty the pool filter. I could not get it open and after my BIL came up with a long-distance trick I got it opened and there was a dead bird floating in there. At this point I was pretty well panicking. I called my mom when my sister wasn't helpful enough (I think she thought I could lift it out with gloves on. Not happening). My mom suggested fish nets and I was able to scoop it out and away with those. So now every night when I check the filter I get on the phone with my mom in case some horror awaits.

Yesterday I don't think I was as anxious until I heard a huge noise in the evening. I thought was someone pounding hard on the door but nobody was there. Later I saw a tow truck hauling a car go by so I think I heard an accident. So that got me calmed down again.

This morning I got up early and let the dog out and turn on the pool filter (I had no idea a pool was so much work). The cat had already caught a mouse which she later ran off with and I hope to never see it again.

I wound Up making a mistake that could be really bad or nothing at all. I've been fighting hard to stick to nothing at all. But everything here is stressing me out. Not knowing a door doesn't latch easily could have turned into a HUGE mistake with consequences. I don't know how long it will be before I can quit worrying about that one. (Don't want to be too specific unless someone finds this).

I just am overwhelmed being on my own in a strange place with strange responsibilities.

I miss my cat. My mom is taking great care of her and sends me pictures but I miss her.

I can't wait to go home. I've done this before and have never had such a hard time. I have no idea what my problem is but I really can't settle down.

That sounds like a lot to deal with. I hope the rest of your stay is smooth and uneventful.

Mountaindewed · 11:05 AM

Beth I rollerskated nonstop from the time I was 5 until I was 13. Then when I tried doing it again when I was 15 I couldn't even stand up in them I kept falling. It was strange that I lost my ability to rollerskate. Especially after only 2 years. You'd think it would be like riding a bike.

My sister found out she has endometroiss or however you spell it. She is due in just about 2.5 months. She didnt say much in her text to my mom just that she had 2 appointments today on short notice and needed to drop my nephews off. My brother in law has to be out of town so I'm guessing these appointments arent super serious or he'd go with her. I don't know anything about endometroiis or what its like when your pregnant but I hope everything will be ok. I know babies can be born 2 months early and be ok.

My stomach is a mess and I can't eat and I'm dropping weight like crazy. I lost 3 pounds just since last Friday and I'm at my lowest weight since October 2020. I am just in a lot of pain I wish my doctor would do an endoscopy. I've been taking the pain meds as prescribed. I just took an Advil which again I shouldnt be taking. But they work so well.

My therapist did send me a generic halfway response last night. If I'm still off by Saturday I just won't go to the BBQ. My sister isn't going anymore so now my mom is fine with me not going if I'm not up to it.

My mom told me I looked like a gay man today. I'm not sure what she meant by that. I try to give her a pass when she says weird things. She grew up in a very religious irish roman catholic household in the 50's but she and my family distanced themselfs from all that a long time ago after my grandma died.

unlived · Jun 30, 2022, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

What a terrifying experience for you.

I lived in a ghetto for 7 years; shootings were literally an everyday occurrence, as were other forms of violence. Interestingly, there was also a very strong sense of community there.

Yeah I don’t doubt that. Where I grew up it was a very low socio economic area… mainly social housing…. Very poor area with a lot of crime and drugs. Outsiders were scared to come to the area but living there I felt weirdly safe - all my neighbours looked out for each other and everyone knew everyone or if you didn’t know someone directly one of your friends knew them so they’d be good with you. I moved out of that area at 24 and have never had that sense of community since.

Nammu · Jun 30, 2022, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

Visit with my new primary care doctor went well! Got established, told him of my health care needs, he made a GI referral (for another health condition), confirmed my neurology appointment and seemed willing to coordinate with my mental health doctor. All in all, no complaints.

I do have a decision to make on neurology though. I have an appointment with a doctor affiliated with my new providers Aug 22. I also got a notification from the neurologist affiliated with my previous providers (Who I have no real love for anymore.) about a July 7th appointment. This is the doctor who refused to see me for only being able to pay $60 of an $110 appointment (a total that magically switched to $68, which makes this doc look a whole lot worse). However, an earlier appointment is an earlier appointment, and the primary doc said a rescheduled appointment would be 4-6 months.

Medicaid covers both neurologists, so price won't be a major issue (YAY!). The issue would be if I take the July 7th appointment with the neurologist I don't have fond feelings for, I'll likely be stuck with him for the duration of any treatment.

I should swallow my pride and go (considering the seriousness), but in addition to my ambivalence, it's going to create a logistical nightmare if I transition to proper insurance soon (Primary care doctor with one hospital chain, specialist with another.). I don't know.

I’d wait and take the neurology appointment with your current provider. For continuity of care and what also seems like a better quality of care too. There’s always a chance your insurance won’t cover the first too, so even if you go to the first appointment they may not follow up. Sometimes patience is a good thing.

Moose72 · Jun 30, 2022, 09:31 AM

My Dr sent in a script for Saxenda- it's like Wegovy but daily instead of weekly. The pharmacy says it needs a prior auth. and I'm sure they told my doctor this but I wrote a portal message to the nurse that sent the Saxenda side effects info.

I'm still worried about the phone bill issue. I guess I should call.

Nammu · Jun 30, 2022, 10:04 AM

Today a small furry paw woke me up! Pat, Pat, Pat.he wanted the drapes pulled so so he could look out.

I must have anxiety about my sleep meds. I dreamed about them. I was on a bus with my best friend from school. We were both picking up medicine from Walgreens. When I guy on the bus dumped all our meds in a shopping bag and took off. We caught him but the medicine was all loose and I could only recognize the burnt umber pills. A cop gave me a tiny container only big enough for a few pills and said that was all I could take the rest is evidence. I have 4 1/2 weeks left on my sleep meds and then I’m off of them! But so far I’m doing good.

wildflowerchild25 · Jun 30, 2022, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I did my mid year review yesterday and found myself filled with anger, hatred and cynicism for the whole process and life in general. I know about the 5 stages of grief and I figured I was in anger. Still, that is SO unlike me and my general outlook that it was uncomfortable and painful. Like nails on a chalkboard. I slept it off and am back to normal this morning. I can’t imagine going through life bitter and full of anger and hatred. That little bit was enough for me.

Looking forward to a wonderful day.

I’m sure you know that the stages of grief are fluid and you can move back and forth through them each day or even each hour. I can say that it is indeed horrible to live full of anger but the very fact that you do not want to live that way shows that you will never spend too much time in that mindset! It is ok to have a day or two (or even a few) when all you want to do is punch people in the face.

It’s hard for me to accept emotions as valid, especially if they are difficult emotions to feel. But your anger IS valid and I believe it will fade.

wildflowerchild25 · Jun 30, 2022, 12:35 PM

I’m feeling very fragile and have been for a few days. RS just told me that because his boss got hurt and is out he can no longer take next week off to help me with CR during his surgery. He can come with us on Wednesday for the actual surgery but after that I’m on my own. Obviously this is not RS’s fault, just bad timing for his boss to get hurt. I just feel like crying though.

I’m just feeling so very alone these days. There’s no one who can really help me with anything regarding CR. My mom works. If I was even talking to my brother it doesn’t matter because they work as well. My grandma is too far, she is too anxious to drive outside her town now.

I mean it’s not even just the actual physical help of bringing things to the house if we need them. We live in the age of digital delivery. It’s the emotional burden I’m carrying. I guess I’m mourning the loss of relationship between my brother and I. And the temporary hold on my relationship with my other SIL. There’s just…no one. Obviously there’s RS but it’s still very lonely if it’s just one person. I especially don’t want to overwhelm or overburden him with the weight of my problems.

I don’t know. I will have a therapist outside of group but the therapist relationship is just not the same as a friend one, and it shouldn’t be. I don’t have anyone to go out with, to have a “night off” or “ladies night out” with. To even hang out during the day this summer with.

It’s a fortress I’ve made myself and now that I kind of want to let down the drawbridge and call off the soldiers it’s too late because there’s no one on the other side still fighting to get in.

Ah well.

Moose72 · Jun 30, 2022, 01:12 PM

I called the customer service number for my phone company who connected me with someone at the affordable connectivity program. She recognized my account and gave me an application ID. She said I still needed to enroll. So, I went to the phone store with this new info and we went through signing me up. The two guys that helped me were much more personable than the guy from last time. I answered a bunch of the application questions myself on the tablet we were using. Finally, he said I was all done and I can expect the discount to apply to August as it won't be processed by when I pay my bill this month. I hope I'm ok to feel good about this today.

Moose72 · Jun 30, 2022, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m feeling very fragile and have been for a few days. RS just told me that because his boss got hurt and is out he can no longer take next week off to help me with CR during his surgery. He can come with us on Wednesday for the actual surgery but after that I’m on my own. Obviously this is not RS’s fault, just bad timing for his boss to get hurt. I just feel like crying though.

I’m just feeling so very alone these days. There’s no one who can really help me with anything regarding CR. My mom works. If I was even talking to my brother it doesn’t matter because they work as well. My grandma is too far, she is too anxious to drive outside her town now.

I mean it’s not even just the actual physical help of bringing things to the house if we need them. We live in the age of digital delivery. It’s the emotional burden I’m carrying. I guess I’m mourning the loss of relationship between my brother and I. And the temporary hold on my relationship with my other SIL. There’s just…no one. Obviously there’s RS but it’s still very lonely if it’s just one person. I especially don’t want to overwhelm or overburden him with the weight of my problems.

I don’t know. I will have a therapist outside of group but the therapist relationship is just not the same as a friend one, and it shouldn’t be. I don’t have anyone to go out with, to have a “night off” or “ladies night out” with. To even hang out during the day this summer with.

It’s a fortress I’ve made myself and now that I kind of want to let down the drawbridge and call off the soldiers it’s too late because there’s no one on the other side still fighting to get in.

Ah well.

You can do this with CR! I've had to take my kids to the hospital for procedures/surgery and then dote over them while they recovered. You'll be fine. Never doubt the power of a mother's love. 💕

*Beth* · Jun 30, 2022, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I found a number. What if it's put on the web by that guy I gave info to at the store?

What would be his reason for putting it online?

*Beth* · Jun 30, 2022, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

First, I'm sorry I've not been very good at giving hugs or thanks on posts lately. I'm reading but having trouble doing more than skimming through right now.

I'm having serious anxiety problems. As I said a few days ago I'm house/pet/chicken sitting for the next 7 days (5 days down). And it seems that every day has had issues messing with my head.

I am chicken sitting despite being scared of birds. I'm actually doing ok with them although I've not had to go into the coop yet. My BIL left tons of food and water for them which was so nice. I'll probably go in tomorrow or the next day.

The other thing I really struggle with is dead stuff. So of course my first morning the cat had brought a mole to the porch. I disposed of that. Then I had to empty the pool filter. I could not get it open and after my BIL came up with a long-distance trick I got it opened and there was a dead bird floating in there. At this point I was pretty well panicking. I called my mom when my sister wasn't helpful enough (I think she thought I could lift it out with gloves on. Not happening). My mom suggested fish nets and I was able to scoop it out and away with those. So now every night when I check the filter I get on the phone with my mom in case some horror awaits.

Yesterday I don't think I was as anxious until I heard a huge noise in the evening. I thought was someone pounding hard on the door but nobody was there. Later I saw a tow truck hauling a car go by so I think I heard an accident. So that got me calmed down again.

This morning I got up early and let the dog out and turn on the pool filter (I had no idea a pool was so much work). The cat had already caught a mouse which she later ran off with and I hope to never see it again.

I wound Up making a mistake that could be really bad or nothing at all. I've been fighting hard to stick to nothing at all. But everything here is stressing me out. Not knowing a door doesn't latch easily could have turned into a HUGE mistake with consequences. I don't know how long it will be before I can quit worrying about that one. (Don't want to be too specific unless someone finds this).

I just am overwhelmed being on my own in a strange place with strange responsibilities.

I miss my cat. My mom is taking great care of her and sends me pictures but I miss her.

I can't wait to go home. I've done this before and have never had such a hard time. I have no idea what my problem is but I really can't settle down.

Your anxiety is completely understandable. definitely have compassion for yourself. That's a lot of work you're responsible for, and for a whole week. Dealing with the dead animals is upsetting; I don't think many people would feel calm about that. And missing your own cat is so hard.

For years and years I house sat for my sister in her very large house. Usually, it went okay - even fun, in a way. But one time came along that...smh...nothing would go right. It was one thing after another. She also had a pool and yes, pools are a big amount of hassle. That's why many people hire someone to care for their pool (you've heard of the stereotypical "pool boy" - lol?). I have a number of friends who have had their pools filled in because of the work involved with maintaining a pool.

Anyway, that time, by the time my sister came home I was pretty much beside myself. I told her that no way could I ever house sit for her again. And she didn't ask me to for several years, until their kids were grown and she and my BIL had moved to a condo. The condo situation was much more manageable and house sitting wasn't too bad. But still, not easy.

No matter what it is a major challenge to be in someone else's home with all the little things to learn about/be surprised by (even unfamiliar noises are stressful), all the chores to do and naturally, missing your own environment.

It's no wonder you're anxious. Remember grounding tools and remember to breathe. I find that just sitting down and mindfully sipping a glass of water or tea can be centering. Placing an ice pack on your pulse points and at the base of your neck can be so calming.

*Beth* · Jun 30, 2022, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Today is the last day of school for kids in CZ. You see all of the kids (or parent, if walking them to school) carrying gifts (darky) for their teachers. A tradition. Only today they have a couple cops directing traffic on our road in front of the nearby school. Not sure, and they are never otherwise there. No need as school shootings are unheard of here. I looked it up and couldn't find even one that qualified as "mass shooting". They are there as mere crossing guards. Czech Republic is on an official list as the 8th safest country in the world, after 1. Iceland, 2. New Zealand, 3. Portugal, 4. Austria, 5. Denmark, 6. Canada, and 7. Singapore. See list here. Perhaps some factors may play a part, but still there is no feeling of fear here in the way there is in the US. The kids also have a freedom here that ones in the US had before the 1970s, after which fear movies even started being shown to kids in schools. I remember one. I know the whole situation is difficult to fully analyze, but to me it should be more, and more importantly, acted on in a better way than it is...or is not. Lord help it when someone in the US wants to try modeling some things after one of the above-mentioned top 7 (or maybe 6, since Singapore has severe methods).

Note: If you look at the website I linked to above, the safest are clearly the first list. The second at the bottom are surely the unsafest. I think the article writer accidentally left out the "un" in "unsafest". The US is in that list. What a shame! I contacted the website about that.

Interesting list. Sad, but not surprised, about the U.S.

I spent 2 days in Iceland; the people had an overall, general calmness that I hadn't really experienced before. It was refreshing, although a bit robotic.

*Beth* · Jun 30, 2022, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m feeling very fragile and have been for a few days. RS just told me that because his boss got hurt and is out he can no longer take next week off to help me with CR during his surgery. He can come with us on Wednesday for the actual surgery but after that I’m on my own. Obviously this is not RS’s fault, just bad timing for his boss to get hurt. I just feel like crying though.

I’m just feeling so very alone these days. There’s no one who can really help me with anything regarding CR. My mom works. If I was even talking to my brother it doesn’t matter because they work as well. My grandma is too far, she is too anxious to drive outside her town now.

I mean it’s not even just the actual physical help of bringing things to the house if we need them. We live in the age of digital delivery. It’s the emotional burden I’m carrying. I guess I’m mourning the loss of relationship between my brother and I. And the temporary hold on my relationship with my other SIL. There’s just…no one. Obviously there’s RS but it’s still very lonely if it’s just one person. I especially don’t want to overwhelm or overburden him with the weight of my problems.

I don’t know. I will have a therapist outside of group but the therapist relationship is just not the same as a friend one, and it shouldn’t be. I don’t have anyone to go out with, to have a “night off” or “ladies night out” with. To even hang out during the day this summer with.

It’s a fortress I’ve made myself and now that I kind of want to let down the drawbridge and call off the soldiers it’s too late because there’s no one on the other side still fighting to get in.

Ah well.

(((HUGS)))

*Beth* · Jun 30, 2022, 03:05 PM

I'm swamped with book business work (which is fine, actually) and excitedly awaiting the arrival of a tool that I need to use to loosen the trucks on my skates. The trucks (sort-of like axles) are a bit tight.

That ferocious heat wave has finally broken! Today and the next several days will be in the 80's. What an enormous relief.

I'm continuing to obsess over therapy stuff, which causes me to feel anxious and dissociative. And that causes me to feel spacey and lose focus, which is annoying and tiring.

You are only that one breath

*Beth* · Jun 30, 2022, 03:07 PM

Not a word from MuddyBoots. I hope she is IP.

Sunflower123 · Jun 30, 2022, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m sure you know that the stages of grief are fluid and you can move back and forth through them each day or even each hour. I can say that it is indeed horrible to live full of anger but the very fact that you do not want to live that way shows that you will never spend too much time in that mindset! It is ok to have a day or two (or even a few) when all you want to do is punch people in the face.

It’s hard for me to accept emotions as valid, especially if they are difficult emotions to feel. But your anger IS valid and I believe it will fade.

Extremely helpful. Thank you.

Mountaindewed · 05:35 PM

My mom and I got a bit scared when we found out my brother in law was meeting my sister at the doctors. But I guess things arent too worrisome. She may need a stent for a UTI thing. But the endo whatever is ok to be taken care of after the baby is born. My brother in law is a mess but he was also freaking out so badly when covid happened he was hoarding food everywhere and said "if I had a gun I wouldn't be scared to use it." Like he thought covid was gonna get that bad. Meanwhile I had my first cheat day in 10 days. I had a cheese quesadilla with chips and gucamole and cheese sauce. It blew up my stomach. I was almost contemplating going to the ER because of the amount of pain. I tried advil, pepeto bismol, my stomach pain med, the heating pad, my psych meds. Finally after a zofran and my final stomach pain med my stomach is settling down. I just feel very full though. but I ate at 11 and theres no way I'm eating again probably until at least 9 tommrow morning. If I just don't eat much I'm ok. But then that causes the weight loss and I am looking a bit on the thinner side in pictures. I do want to go to the BBQ but these flare ups just suck and the 4 hour ride may be hard and eating will just set another flare up off and I don't want people asking why I'm not eating plus they are going to notice my weight loss and I don't want them assuming stuff. So idk its a tough situation. I mean I feel fine now because I haven't eaten or had anything to drink but water in several hours.

Moose72 · Jun 30, 2022, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My mom and I got a bit scared when we found out my brother in law was meeting my sister at the doctors. But I guess things arent too worrisome. She may need a stent for a UTI thing. But the endo whatever is ok to be taken care of after the baby is born. My brother in law is a mess but he was also freaking out so badly when covid happened he was hoarding food everywhere and said "if I had a gun I wouldn't be scared to use it." Like he thought covid was gonna get that bad. Meanwhile I had my first cheat day in 10 days. I had a cheese quesadilla with chips and gucamole and cheese sauce. It blew up my stomach. I was almost contemplating going to the ER because of the amount of pain. I tried advil, pepeto bismol, my stomach pain med, the heating pad, my psych meds. Finally after a zofran and my final stomach pain med my stomach is settling down. I just feel very full though. but I ate at 11 and theres no way I'm eating again probably until at least 9 tommrow morning. If I just don't eat much I'm ok. But then that causes the weight loss and I am looking a bit on the thinner side in pictures. I do want to go to the BBQ but these flare ups just suck and the 4 hour ride may be hard and eating will just set another flare up off and I don't want people asking why I'm not eating plus they are going to notice my weight loss and I don't want them assuming stuff. So idk its a tough situation. I mean I feel fine now because I haven't eaten or had anything to drink but water in several hours.

If they ask why you're not eating just tell them you have a stomach ache and leave it at that. Or tell them that you had a big breakfast.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so crummy.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jun 30, 2022, 09:04 PM

Today was better. The horror part of today was finding out my car needs a repair that costs so much I gasped. But at least I am getting it done before something bad happens. And as my mom pointed out, I've had this car for 11 years and aside from the obvius new tires this is the first expensive problem it has ever had. And it's a wear and tear issue. It's just getting old. It's just not great timing with medical bills from my surgery. But I'll work it out. So I don't feel as anxious about that as I could.

I even managed to go intot he chicken coop and top off their water. The chickens were sleepy but still moving around and that scared me but I did it. I also cleaned the pool filter without my mom on the phone to help if I found something dead in there. So progress. I feel much less anxious than yesterday. Tomorrow I need to get up in the morning long enough to call a garage that might do my repair cheaper. I should have asked my sister about that before I did anything. But I didn't and unless they have the parts in stock they probably can't help me with the holiday and my going home Wednesday morning. But I can ask. I think the other place may be trying to rip me off at least to some extent so we'll see what this place says.

I have clothes in the dryer now and then I'll fold them and get cuddled up in bed. I need to have a snack but am not very hungry. If I don't eat soon though I'll have to come downstairs in the night and their stairs are really steep and kinda scary when the meds kick in.

So glad to know I can manage to go into the coop without freaking out completely. I have to go back in there in a couple days to give them food. Now I have to convince myself I fastened it up tight as I heard coyotes the last 2 nights. I did but I put so much pressure on myself to do this perfectly. And I am far from perfect.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jun 30, 2022, 09:56 PM

I see my first client tomorrow!

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