Bipolar check-in #68

I got up early and met my step dad at the tire place. I thought I was getting there a bit early but there was already a line. Luckily SD was already there and in line! Once we got through the line they told me it would be about 3 hours. So SD dropped me off at Starbucks a couple doors down and I ordered coffee and one tiny vanilla scone because that's how much money I had in my SB app. Plus I hadn't eaten. So I just sat there. I checked the tire places website around 10 and it said my car would be done at noon. I hadn't brought a book with me, so I just FB messaged with my friends. At 10:30 I got the text that my car was ready! They put the new wheel on- which I found out is actually used!- and rotated the tires. So I picked up my receipt and my key and drove away! Yay. My car is fixed! I'm definitely NOT going back to that restaurant from Sunday! Ever! I'll just decline. I have a good excuse!

So sorry - losing fur babies is so darn hard - I just went through it in May. Hugs to you!

@BeyondtheRainbow No time is a good time to lose a beloved pet.

I am so, so sorry @BeyondtheRainbow. I am sending you love and comfort.

I am delighted for you @Nammu! I guess, I hope, your body just finally got the memo to sleep.


Really interesting dreams you had. I dreamt I found a dog that was so sweet and lovable, soft and furry with floppy ears. I just adored it. But then I realized I had to leave it where it lived, which was in a government office building. I knew the dog would be well cared for and given a lot of attention; still, I was so sad that I couldn't keep it.

I could not close the windows last night. Couldn't. I finally got some cooler air inside my apartment. So I ended up staying awake until 3 a.m. At 6 I had to get up and do kitty breakfast/test Sidney's glucose/give her her insulin shot. I felt like I would collapse. After a short while I went back to bed and slept until 3 p.m. Sleeping felt so good. I didn't have any time to skate and I'm sad about that - but last night I twisted my back throwing garbage into the ridiculously high dumpster. So it's probably just as well that I gave my back a rest today.

Now I'm going to wash dishes and yippie! sit in bed and read East of Eden.

Love to all~

I just wanted to thank everyone for being here. I stayed with our dog until the vet came to euthanize him (we had a wonderful vet who happened to be in the clinic when the answering service called her. She got a tech and they drove out here, did the euthanasia in the living room where he had collapsed and then took his body for cremation. We will never forget that kindness as we couldn't have gotten him out to the car or into it without really hurting him and it would have been very hard at best).


Anyway, when the vet arrived I left and came over to my house because I didn't want to be there for the actual procedure and I can't tell you all how much it helped me to type that message and know people would care.


He was a good dog and we'll miss him so much. I'm just glad he's no longer suffering. The last few weeks his arthritis pain had just gotten so much worse. The vet even said that he was in pain and this was the best thing. We got him to the lake he loved one last time this week which I'm so glad about even though he scared me to death trying to do more than his body would allow.


He was a good, good boy and I'll miss him so much. The other dog is wilder and just not the same. I love him too but Jasper was more my dog than the other (both are my mom's but kinda mine since I'm next door and deal with them daily).

Thanks again. I'm so glad for this place and all of you.

Mixed bag today. Seems to be a theme for me anymore.

My work for my new employer couldn't get done because of some sort of glitch in their login. I could set up a company email just fine, and get into their group chat app just as easily, but when it came to accessing the nuts and bolts of my assignments, I apparently don't exist. Now, all the right people know about it and tech support is appraised, but I'm stuck waiting. Again. And I'm freaking out about it! How many more technical glitches and snafus before they decide I'm not worth the trouble? All of this effort and I get chucked back to square one. This sucks.

On a more positive note, I deep cleaned my bathroom. Looks like new and I discovered I have stockpiles. Over the depressive winter months and the beginning of my unemployment, I guess I wasn't paying attention to what I had in the bathroom and bought stuff when I didn't see it. So, past me has gifted present me with large quantities of toothpaste, deodorant, bars of soap, a couple of really good reusable razors and some shampoo. In my defense, the bathroom has a lot of cabinets!

@BeyondtheRainbow
It sounds like he had a life surrounded by love and full of belly rubs (or whatever got his tail wagging)! What more could a canine ask for?

He had really rotten early years. He was a runner (he even tried yesterday when he could barely walk) and when we got him he had been being kept on a chain with only a little shelter thing to go inside. He had to learn that he didn't have to go to to the back of the dog yard and hide there when it rained. I had to go bring him in myself the first time it rained when he was with us. I had to convince the woman I got him from (he'd run away from them 2x in 2 weeks which got them a fine at the humane society for not having tags on him) that we didn't need the shelter because he'd be indoor. He loved being loved but it took a while before he trusted it. But he settled in and his life for the last 8 years was very happy. Lots of good food, trips to the lake, cuddles, attention and soft places to sleep.


I know our decision today was the right one. In a way I'm glad it's over as it's just been getting closer and closer for weeks and it was awful to watch him try so hard. It's also better that my brother (dogsitter) didn't have to make the decision while we are in Canada where we won't have cell service.



I've got to try to sleep. I have to get up at 8:15 to get ready. I think I'm going to take a little bit of extra klonopin. I never know when I should take it or when to take gabapentin. I usually do the gabapentin but the klonopin might be better. But it will also potentially cause hangover.....I hate guesswork.

Hugs, @BeyondtheRainbow. I understand your grief. It's horrible losing our pets. You did the right thing for your suffering doggie, though. He was lucky to have had you as his human friend (loved one) all of those years.

@BeyondtheRainbow 🌈 awww what a story

It's 5:25AM and in the upper 50s. I'm wearing a hoodie more so for comfort than warmth, but it's nice to be cool enough to have the option. Dawn is just starting to wake up. I'd think the sun is just as tired as I am. I can't speak for the sun, but I'm running off of a cup or two of Joe in the morn' and cold showers. I fear tomorrow. I made a commitment I really need to get out of for my own safety and sanity. I'm too paranoid of police for crime.

I was so happy to get home yesterday afternoon. Hubby and I also talked a bit and the argument and anger are over with. For lunch yesterday I made some homemade macaroni and cheese, using a NY Times Cooking recipe for inspiration. Comfort food was appreciated. We finished it for lunch a few minutes ago. I'm also making a French Provencal stew that is always a hit. In fact, it's the best stew I've ever had and surprisingly includes a lot of prunes in it. Normally I'm not a prune fan, but it works beautifully in this recipe. We won't eat it for dinner tonight, but rather tomorrow. It's one of those dishes that improves with age.

We decided to just take it easy today and in the coming week mainly concentrate on packing. We need to first hear from an engineer that is analyzing the house we're interested in before knowing for sure if we're buying it. In the meantime, we have no definite place lined up to move to before October 1. That is obviously scary, but as Tim Gun says we'll "Make it Work".

@BeyondtheRainbow:

I am so sorry about your dog.

Guys I am super ****ing scared for my life what do I do?

IT'S ALL MY ****ING DADS FAULT/!

....no it's my fault. I shouldn't have stayed with him...

I've started being really loving with people i care about. Showering the people i love with love and telling them that i love them. I want them to know, i want to tell them, i want to say it because i'm getting older and i don't know how much longer i will last. I don't know if i want to. I'm feeling pretty satisfied with my life. I've had lots of adventures and experiences and extravaganza-manias. But Winter will come for me. I don't know if i want to last thru another one. With this urge to tell people i love them i somewhat feel i am saying goodbye. This is not a suicide post, i am not actively suicidal and i have no plans. I am comfortable at the moment. It's just the specter of the Winter approaching is weighing on me and i am preparing for the very real fact that i may decide i don't want to live thru it one more time. I'm happy that i'm telling people that i love them, it's a positive thing. I just have a sense that my time is short and i don't know if this is just because i'm 55 and beginning to confront my mortality or what. It's hard to see what there is to live for at this point. I've hung in there thru some pretty awful times and it is likely that i will hang in there til my fated death also, but just in case i don't, i want to express myself in clear words while i am still feeling well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow ....

You got it, Sweetpea...I'm sending heaps of love to you