I don't know where else to go

Hi. I am not sure exactly what to really ask for here. I came here yesterday trying to find answers. My husband is Bipolar and the 3 1/2 years we have been married has been pretty much a constant state of confusion for me. When we strated dating.....he was fairly level. We were married 2 weeks and "it" seemed to start. He drinks everyday which I know does not help. In the beginning of our marriage he did quit drinking for 7 months but it never seemed to help his moods. I am so confused. I am hurt, sad, angry, scared, and every other emotion I could have. He can tell me how amazing, beautiful, funny, and how lucky he feels to be with me and I swear he blinks and he yells at me over a light on over the sink at night (my little girls are afraid of the dark) or tells me that I think I am better than everyone else and it has been one constant accusation of me seeing someone else. We have been seperated more times than the length of our marriage. In the last 2 weeks, it has been decided by me that the marriage is over. I care for him still, but the ups and downs of being with hime is more than I could take. I don't hate him. We went to counseling for awhile. He quit going. He told me that he would not go again. I feel like I had no choice but to make the decision I did to end my marriage not just for me, but for my children who have gotten the point of hating him and tired of seeing me cry because of something ignorant he has said to me. I have been all over the net looking this disorder up and getting as much information as I could. Now that he knows I am leaving, it is like he is scrambling with more displays of affection than he has given me in the last few months, but still questioining phone calls I get. He even went to the point of asking me that even though I am leaving and we are getting divorced, could we still "see" each other. I know I sound like I am rambling, I just really don't know where else to go. His behavior literally goes from loving me madly to despising me and being highly suspicious of anything I do. He even thinks my kids and I have "secret" conversations. I really don't know what to do.

Hi, and welcome to PC. Bipolar can be really difficult, but it can be managed. From what I read, he's not on any medications. Perhaps, before leaving him you should tell him that in order for you to stay, he needs to go and get help for his BP and stay on his meds. Finding the right meds, however, is extremely difficult.
i hope ths helps.

bella

I agree with Bella. What you are going through can't be easy. What he is going through isn't easy either. Personally I always felt like my mind was betraying me and often had to consult with my husband to see if what I was feeling was way off base. From what you are describing it also seems like he is a little paranoid which is also a symptom of the disorder. If you decide to give him the ultimatum to get help or you leave remember you will need to ride out the tough times as he tries to find the right meds. Even then it may not be smooth sailing all the time, but love isn't easy right?

I would also suggest, even if you do leave him completely, that you learn as much as you can about bipolar. You said you have 2 little girls with him. Bipolar is hereditary. That isn't saying this will affect them, but they could be affected and you should know what to look for and how to proceed if you do see any warning signs

This is my first time here. I'm just looking for support from others with bipolar. I have been coping with this illness for about 15 yrs, have of that time I was not on medicine. I am medicated now. Would like to say hi.