Bipolar check-in #70

I've been getting this really bad nausea in the evening. Its really been difficult to deal with. Nothing seems to help it except sleeping it off. Then I'm fine in the morning until it comes back again. I know I'm still congested so maybe the post nasal drip is causing the nausea. I don't think I've ever gone through so much kleenex before. I'm on my 3.5 box. But yeah at night these past 9 days I've just feel super crappy until I fall asleep. I hope it goes away soon. My mom still doesn't get why I got covid now instead of when I had surgery in 2020 or 2021 or when I was on several of my trips in 2021 and this year. She just finds it really really strange and random. She is perfectly fine now.

I forgot I was supposed to get my shot tonight. That could have been why my anxiety suddenly spiked yesterday. The day before can be tough mental health wise.

I'm kind of not in the mood for therapy tommorow. Telesessions just burn me out. I know we need to discuss things though.

I called and asked if they got my "paperwork" and they asked for my name and said that yes they did get it and didn't they speak with me earlier today.

@Moose72- there's your proof, there's the fact. ^^^

I will go so far as to say that there isn't a single person in the free world who doesn't have some paranoia about giving out our information - especially online. I certainly felt that my personal info was much safer when I filled out paperwork and handed it in to a receptionist, right there in the office.

That said, the way almost all medical/dental/etc. practices do it nowadays is electronically (as you know). So...

1. You did what your dental office instructed you to do (you know that the person you spoke with this morning was an IRL receptionist), which was to fill out your information and send it to the practice.

2. That you called the office to be sure they have received the information they need from you was a smart thing to do. It ensures that your info was definitely sent to the correct place and was definitely received by the very receptionist who (as she said) spoke with you earlier today.

It sounds like everything went very smoothly, and that now your dental office has your (confidential) personal information, which they need to properly treat you as their patient.

There's no sign to me of any weirdness, shadiness, or odd shite going on. I believe that, based on every fact in the situation, you are 100% safe, Moose. I feel confident in telling you that you can relax.

btw - this is probably true everywhere. Now when I make an appointment to get my hair done I have to go to a freakin' website, fill out basic information, and make the appointment electronically. Grrrr. I hate it! For one thing, a couple of times my stylist didn't get the info because of some glitch in the online system. Whenever I make an online appointment I keep wondering if she received it. I usually get anxious, feel OC, but message her to confirm anyway.

I sooo miss the times when I'd call a salon, speak with the salon receptionist, tell her what kind of service I wanted to book for, and she'd be all nice and helpful and the appointment was made because she wrote it in the big paper appointment book and it was all easy and good.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I won’t be replying or updated as much but I am still reading and sending love. Apparently I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand and it is very painful to type. I hope to get some cortisone injections in a few weeks’ time.

Oooh, cts can be terribly disabling. I remember that you've mentioned it bothering you before. I hope your doctor has recommended some treatments such as sleeping with a hand brace on. The cortisone shots should help. I'll be thinking of you, wfc, and sending loving thoughts for healing.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Yes, cops are taught to fear mental illness. Even though statically those with mental illness committed less crime and are more often victims the cops are taught to fear us.

That is so true. Supposedly, that's what programs like CIT do. Teach and de-stigmatize.

I could be wrong but I think part of the goal of the 988 number is to have trained officers responding to mental health emergencies. I don't know where I read that though so maybe I made it up.

I think I read that somewhere too but it depends on the availability and local resources. In the papers here they said they want to send social workers instead of cops but it’s complicated by red tape.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I'm so sorry about your sister. Dementia is always a terrible thing to watch happen to a loved one. Something you can do that can help a little is to make a memory book. It can be as simple as a little photo album with a one-two sentence statement about her life on each page ("I like baseball. My favorite team is the Giants") ("I worked in a library") etc. Or you can go fancier and use a photo album or scrap booking album and include pictures with labels on all faces, meaningful mementos (Like a program from a wedding) and just kind of make "the story of Sister's Life). I used to do these with my patients with dementia and they usually loved them. One woman with more advanced dementia lost hers and they had to search her whole room because she really missed going through it every day. It was the first thing she'd enjoyed in years. It won't stop the dementia; it just reminds her of important things in her life. I hope that she has a slow progression and that you are able to spend time with her. It's good she has people who love her.

Rainbow, what a magnificent idea the memory book is! I know that my sister would be so attached to her memory book. And there would be a whole lot to put in there, since she has a big family. Thank you very much for sharing such a special "tool." I'm going to share the idea with my niece, I know she'll be very enthusiastic about creating a memory book for her mom.

My sister does have many people who love her and are/will be of support to her. Her children & grandchildren (and a great-grandson, born this month!) are all local. Only my niece is in San Francisco (near my son), but it's not as though that is far off. Also, my niece is an acupuncturist, so she gives my sis treatments to help boost her immune system and things like that, which is so important.

Anyway -

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Well because my anxiety is so bad about volunteering more , like on the verge of throwing up from anxiety and panic attacks from it.my care manager agrees that it would be best to take a break from it for awhile until the spring and just focus on college which starts in January. Working in a kitchen//serving food is too fast paced/high pressure and overwhelming for me. I can't handle the stress and get sick with anxiety just thinking about it. So I'll give it a try again in the late spring. Im the mean time I'm just going to get to low pressure social stuff, work on my anxiety, and focus on doing well in college till I'm ready to give it a try again. Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Birdie, food service is notoriously extremely fast-paced, high-pressured, and just plain hard on mind and body. A major reason I was approved for SSDI was because my "regular line of employment" or whatever they call it was cafe work. i.e., food service basically. Someone who works in food service and applies for disability is already high as far as points toward being approved.

I agree with your care manager on this one. Low pressure and practiced calming so you can enter class in January feeling peaceful and ready.

I think I've heard that, too @Blue_Bird. About 988, I mean. I sure hope so!

@Nammu I'm lucky because the county I live in has much better than average resources for mental health services. The county I came from was a sorry situation when it came to mental health assistance. Bad.

Anyway, in my county it's slow, but sure- NAMI is pulling together a program that will have either 2 trained volunteers go with 2 cops, or 2 vols go alone (together) to places where there is someone having a mental health crisis.

In a certain way the program reminds me of the work I did with teens back in the '90's. Street outreach. I loved, loved that job. So, when that program gets rolling here I am very interested in volunteering. I already have NAMI's basic training, so I would need to do only the specific training for the new program.

I had a very productive day - mentally and physically. I did a lot of pondering and reflection walking through the park and sitting and watching the stream slowly meander along. It’s good to realize when a new chapter in life is begging to be written. It’s even better when you realize your need to go with it. The signs are there if you but look. Fortunately, life has been preparing me for such an adventure.

My big, strong nephew home on leave from the Navy heard that I’d had an unfortunate encounter and surprised me today by taking me to lunch - his treat. He’s a hugger as well and has a smile that lights up a room. It was so lovely and life affirming being with him. It snapped me back to what’s real and what matters. It did me a world of good. I’m back now.

Tomorrow I am going to work out at the gym, go to bible study, attend a swanky luncheon for mom (I have no interest), rush to DBT therapy and the much anticipated drum circle. I have yet to pull out my fall/winter clothes and the chill bites tonight despite my soft blanket. I must get them out tonight.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love

I saw on the news that there are snow storms and very cold temperatures back east, all the way up north, and as far down south as Tennessee. I'm thinking of a number of you and hoping you're okay?

Our mornings are chilly. Afternoons & evenings, I'm shaking my head. 90 degrees tomorrow. What can I say.

I'm so-so. I feel scared all of the time. Medication, as in SSRI's basically, are just not doing it anymore. They don't ameliorate that "I'm afraid of everything" feeling anymore, like they used to. Therapy doesn't do much to help me feel safe, either. Some, but meh. My perspective of this forum absolutely had to transition when so many challenges were thrown at me prior to my week off. It seems that I don't have a single night of pleasant dreams. It's always worry, anxiety. I am often afraid to go to bed. Plain and simple, I just cannot seem to find security within myself. That month in which I was extremely sick shook me up & sure didn't help. I guess it'll take some time to bounce back from that.

Oh, I don't know. I'm rambling.

Peace. Easy,
Beth

This is what they were doing in Austin Texas before I left. NAMI had a lot of input into that program but here is rural and much poorer.

@Sunflower123, again your descriptions are so lovely! I like how you write.

You are so much busier than me. I can't remember many days in my year that I did as much. Perhaps it's my medication sedation, a little my age and waning physical endurance, to a degree, but mostly my inability to handle so much, psychologically. I used to seem more a Type A personality, but now am closer to Type B. My energy levels also notably waned. I'm not totally lamenting the change, as it's brought some benefits, but yea, sometimes I wish I could handle more. I consider it an aspect of my disability. Do be happy you have so many activities to look forward to. And your nephew sounds so pleasant. Hugs are priceless!

I wrote and then deleted a post yesterday regarding calls to both my brother and sister. Dang, it is complicated! I want to do more to support my brother (and sister), but the options are limited living so far away and with them telling me again and again that I shouldn't come. I suggested to my sister that I could at least order some groceries (on my dime) to be sent to my brother. I do need to have an idea more of what he can and can't eat, given his health situation. I just looked and found a grocery store somewhat near him that delivers. He's been struggling to get out and grocery shop. Heck, grocery shopping can be stressful for many withOUT a major illness! If I do order some, I think my sister should be at his house to receive them.

Today Hubby and I will go to our property again. Unfortunately it takes far longer to get there than expected. So many detours! Why does it always seem when one road is closed, several are? The same seemed true in New Jersey where we lived, but at least there we were very familiar with alternative routes. The drive is otherwise nice, as we pass forests, horse farms, cow farms, and sheep farms. These animals always look happy and extremely well treated, with large green areas to roam and even pretty views to look at. Calves roam happily near their mommies. They have shade when they want, or bask in the sun. I saw two cows kissing each other yesterday, which was sweet. At least something pleasant!

I can't get passed my GI issues! I don't want to be going to doctors if the main cause is just stress. But then not going is worrisome, knowing the occasional risks of ignoring things. When I went to the doctor thinking I had a UTI, to be told I was fine, it made me feel a little embarrassed, in a sense. So often when I finally go to a doctor, the problem has suddenly vanished. I'm delinquent about so many things, though. My hair, the dentist, gynecologist (and mammogram), nephrologist, therapist, soon to be psychiatrist, likely ENT...I rely too much on Hubby to help arrange these and take me to the appointments. Poor guy is overwhelmed! Once I get some set up, I'll take a bus (and tram) to them on my own, if necessary. I'm not yet supposed to drive here and am still not fully used to the road rule differences. Plus, I have a mild driving anxiety, to boot. Always have. Sucks!

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Originally Posted by Nammu This is what they were doing in Austin Texas before I left. NAMI had a lot of input into that program but here is rural and much poorer.

How was the program in Austin, was it helping?

@Soupe du jour boy, I’ve been trying to respond to you for hours now! I kept falling asleep and the heat is out so it’s 50 inside and it’s hard to type. Haha! What a day for this to happen!

I think you are a wonderful sister! Having groceries delivered is such a brilliant yet practical idea. Very helpful indeed if you decide to do that.

The drive to your new home sounds lovely. I am sorry about the detours and length of time it takes.

Please do think about getting your GI issues checked out. Yes, it could be stress but then again….better safe than sorry. I hope things clear up and you feel better soon.

Thank you! I appreciate you saying that.

Someone mentioned my activities and whether they were realistic or even real. I do have a lot of drive and energy, true, but I mostly try to outrun the dreaded depression, SI, and demons if you will that nip at my heels. It works for me to stay really very busy at times and I do that well. I am generally happy to have so many activities to look forward to. My nephew is a true gem and I agree hugs are priceless! There was a period of time after brother died that I spent hour after hour staring at the tv. Staying busy is much better.

It’s soooooo coooold!!!!!!

Saw my mom (And dad, but he was on his best behavior.) after work. Her cornea transplant is tomorrow. They leave for the hospital exactly 24 hours from now, so this will most likely be the last I hear from them, her especially, for a couple of days. I really hope it works and works for the long term. Fingers crossed.

One of the reasons I was over, apart from "Hey, hello!" and getting food from them, was an opportunity to play tech guru for a few extra minutes. I demoed alternate ring tones for her, so she can distinguish who she wants to receive calls from versus the multitude of spammers bugging her. Regardless of the outcome, it might be a useful tool to have given the number of spammers she's getting any given day.

Finally gave in and lit the pilot light on my heater. To be fair, it's starting to get cold even for me! (Twenty-five degrees right now!) My cat is still burrowed under the covers for the most part, but she ventures out more.

The gentleman who sideswiped my mailbox made good on his promise to buy another one. Nothing fancy, just a basic mailbox. When it gets a little warmer, I'll put the new one in. Be nice to have a change. Or more accurately to have something that is "my own."

What I mean is something (small or big) that is seperate from my family. Sometimes I'm given an excuse to go on my own, sometime I just do it. The changes of recent months, my bank account, my health care provider, my mailbox, all have explicit ties to family snooping, interference and control. Now, my actions weren't solely for the reason of giving a proverbial middle finger to my dad and cousin (The bank and the hospital chain both did wrong by me.), but the fact that it did doesn't bother me much.

Work was surprisingly slow yesterday. Hardly any sales. Hopefully that'll change today!