Bipolar check-in #70

It will come up and out at the right time. Thinking of you.

I hope you feel better soon. Good luck with your therapy appointment.

I had a lovely first day in the mountains. I did make it to my spot and it was peaceful and serene. I fell asleep besides the stream inside my sleeping bag and woke to two visitors - deer. I wasn’t fast enough with my phone to get pics. In addition, I heard the bears checking out the trash last night. I’m used to that. That’s typical for this area.

I’ve had 2 long discussions with my DBT therapist now. She verified that I am highly motivated and determined to heal and improve myself and that I need to walk away at this time for my well being. It doesn’t mean we can never have a relationship - just not now. Interestingly, she noted it takes two people to be in a relationship - it’s rarely all on one and that the other person involved could use some therapeutic work herself. Today was the first day since this happened that I woke with the joy that I’m used to. I feel like Sunflower again.

I’m going to hike to Grotto Falls today and make the loop at Cades Cove. If I’m not worn out, I’ll go into town to have a bite and go to my favorite artist’s gallery.

Out to the hot tub now to view the stars and ponder life. I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love.

Sunflower, how are you doing? Are you feeling more relaxed? Have you been to your quiet spot?


Saying a prayer for you for peace

Thank you. You are very kind. I am very relaxed and zen at this time. I hiked to my quiet spot yesterday and encountered some visitors (deer).

Many thanks for your prayer for peace.

Did you get the covid / flu results back yet?

My lazy days were interrupted by familiar family drama. Dad decided that my happiness at reaching a sales goal at a job not of his choosing could not stand, so he decided to try and tear me down after getting Mom to cancel her Sunday plans on his behalf.

Dad is also trying to get ME to pay my cousin for a job HE hired him to do. It deals with my house, yes, but I had no input anywhere in the process. So, having my cousin show up to my house demanding (of ME ) $10 of my DAD'S $50 debt like I had any part in "hiring" him (like I'm the deadbeat) is bitterly ironic.

All I can say about them (that I haven't already said), is that my Dad has no real identity beyond money. If he doesn't get a return on his "investment," you've devalued him as a person. My cousin is the same way coupled with being a supreme follower. He'll "tell on me" to my dad if it means getting in his good graces.

On a good note, my work week starts again! I'm excited!

I still haven't gotten the results. I know they told me they could take up to 48 hours. Last night I fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night freezing and feeling very sick. I put all my blankets on and took some more med safe cold medicine and fell back asleep. I woke up this morning and my temp was 99.4. I took a couple Advil and it went down. But I'm still coughing and sneezing and my nose is still running and I still feel like crap. My cough is more of a wet one now. The cough syrup is kinda useless since it doesn't have a decongestant in it. I did get my room cleaned up since it was a huge mess. Although now its already kind of a mess again.

My dr recommended delsym

I am postive for covid. No clue where I got it from. Temp is back again too. I'm trying not to have a freak out right now. Everyone is super confused where I got it from. I've been so careful this whole time and I do way less then other people who haven't gotten it. My nephews are high risk and are in school and my sister is a teacher and they have all avoided it. I'm almost wondering if I have some underlying condtion I don't know about. I am supposed to get blood work done on the 17th for my endocrongolgist. That may give me some answers.

Ugh. Nausea came back hardcore. Dr sent me in zofran and carafate. Hard to focus

Well the new pdoc isn’t going to work out. She asked if I had any trauma and I said yes. She then proceeded to lecture me that bipolar symptoms and PTSD symptoms overlap and I won’t know if I have bipolar unless I do EMDR therapy. That if I do I may be able to come off some of my meds. I think I know the damn difference between my trauma symptoms and bipolar symptoms thank you very much. I’ve had bipolar since before the trauma even happened. I was a mess when I was a teenager and I only managed to pull it together after I had ECT.

I don’t like it when new pdocs try to rediagnose you in the first session. You don’t even know me! I had another one once try to tell me I had borderline not bipolar in the first session. It makes me mad. Ugh I’m so mad my old pdoc is not available anymore.

So I’m stuck on the haldol for longer and everything is just going to get worse. She raised the propranolol that is supposed to control the tremors (which it does not). But she told me I have to monitor my blood pressure with that much so what, I’m supposed to buy a home blood pressure machine now? Ugh.

Well fine, if they want me to take all this **** I will so I can prove how bad it is.

@wildflowerchild25 I’m sorry you went through that crap and she was not helpful to you. Are you stuck with her? Please keep advocating for yourself.

I’m in for the night, enjoying the fireplace and reading a good book. I’ll head to bed soon. I like getting up between 3-4 to post on the thread, sit outside in the hot tub and reflect. There is a great game room upstairs with a full sized table. I’ve been perfecting my game. I talk to S many times a day and he is trying to clear his schedule to get up here. Hopefully, by Friday.

I spent my day watching Grotto Falls. I’ll catch other things later. So relaxing. I stopped by a swanky restaurant that is always packed and ordered a strawberry spinach salad and house quiche to go. I’m not here to be around folks. I was friendly enough but my vibes read no trespassing I’m certain.

I will go horseback riding or zip lining or both tomorrow as it’s going to rain Thursday. I may go while it’s raining and see my favorite artist’s gallery.

I’m doing really well. Not thinking of returning home soon. I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.

So glad your enjoying the beauty around you ! Cades cove is BEAUTIFUL! every time I’ve been to the mountains that’s one of my favorite places!

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I’m sorry dealing with your Dad always has conditions. So much hassle. Great news on your moving up with employment.

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Oh so zofran is helping. I’m sucking on a sf mint and it’s helping too. I don’t have any peppermint tea. I need to get some.

No, she was the first in-network person I called. There’s other ones around. I need a female though, the on that told me I had borderline was a man and I feel he was prejudiced against me because I am a woman and women often get stuck with the BPD label. Not that women don’t really have BPD but again, I’ve been in this game for a long time and I know the difference in symptoms.

I’m going to try the APN in the practice my old pdoc works at even though I’ll have to pay out of pocket. I don’t have it in me to call all these different pdocs right now.

It is like you are on a retreat with out the supervision. You keep doing what you want to do. Is this a family cabin? It sounds lovely.
I am happy that you are enjoying your vacation.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Oh damn girl ( insert giant sarcastic eyeroll)

I think it’s ridiculous for any new provider to think they have a clue about someone right off the bat .

Can you see other Pdoc even if you have to self pay ?

Make life simple and buy a wrist cuff blood pressure machine. I think I paid 25 ? Upping your dose does put you at risk of low blood pressure.

I’m so sorry your going through such nonsense. I hope you can get off Haldol soon. Do you have a endocrinologist? My maybe find out what can be done if your back on Invega and have prolactin problems ?! I just remember you had really great stability on it.

Take care of you !

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