[Fuzzybear]

All those lies, when I was growing up. My mum wasn't emotionally present for me, she was very distant. She didn't fight for me against my dad who was very mean and abusive in other ways.

Maybe she wasn't emotionally present even for herself.

Which is maybe why she turned on me completely when I was about 20 and cut me out (it felt like being ghosted by my own mum )

I was listening to a song which for some reason reminded me of this.

There was a conversation about ghosting on another part of the forum which also got me thinking about this...

PS is it ''normal'' or ''ok'' to put a nine month old baby (me) on sleeping pills because the baby ''kept'' crying at night when the mother left her.. weaning her. She insisted on unbroken nights... She also insisted on taking me out of nappies when I had just turned one year old as I had a ''fat tummy'' (her words)

I did love her though. Maybe I was ''horrible'' at times but I don't remember it. I only remember her anger and ''disinterest''

She was enmeshed with her sister but didn't apparently realise it.. or didn't care.

But I was on my own. It felt like I was a Ghost. No support from them, no care. One person I spoke to said she was an ''unnatural'' mother. But a ''therapist'' said... ugh. Nope. Not going there.

I thought they might change when I got married. I thought they might be happy for me.

I think it would take an adequate therapist at least five years to ''accurately diagnose'' me. I do not trust them.

Supportive replies only please. (sorry I'm a bit sensitive right now and I have had some not so nice replies elsewhere at times)

Sorry if this seems like a ''whine''. I've been trying to help a few people today and am feeling a bit tired.

I feel like deleting this. They broke my heart. I don't want to hurt Papa bear by not being... idk.

[Victoria'smom]

It was not okay.

[bizi]

oh fuzzy,
what abuse you went through.
I hope letting it out here has helped you.
I sure do hope so.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

[*Beth*]

There is no feeling more rotten, and none more damaging, than being a child who must question whether she is loved by her mother or by her father.

Perhaps I am entirely incorrect - I hope I am! - but I don't think that even the best therapy, love that happens later, all the money there is, great beauty and talent, achievement of spiritual goals (people are often telling me to focus on that one), being a loving parent to our own child, being an excellent worker, and so on...I don't think any of them can completely fix an adult who, as a broken-hearted child, felt unloved by his or her parent(s).

You are not a ghost, you are not whining, and you are not alone.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

There is no feeling more rotten, and none more damaging, than being a child who must question whether she is loved by her mother or by her father.

Perhaps I am entirely incorrect - I hope I am! - but I don't think that even the best therapy, love that happens later, all the money there is, great beauty and talent, achievement of spiritual goals (people are often telling me to focus on that one), being a loving parent to our own child, being an excellent worker, and so on...I don't think any of them can completely fix an adult who, as a broken-hearted child, felt unloved by his or her parent(s).

You are not a ghost, you are not whining, and you are not alone.

Fuzzy, I hope you got some relief from this post. Know that you are loved and accepted fully and completely here

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It was not okay.

Thank you Miguel'smom

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bizi

oh fuzzy,
what abuse you went through.
I hope letting it out here has helped you.
I sure do hope so.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

Thank you bizi, it has helped letting it out here

(((((((( Hugs ))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

There is no feeling more rotten, and none more damaging, than being a child who must question whether she is loved by her mother or by her father.

Perhaps I am entirely incorrect - I hope I am! - but I don't think that even the best therapy, love that happens later, all the money there is, great beauty and talent, achievement of spiritual goals (people are often telling me to focus on that one), being a loving parent to our own child, being an excellent worker, and so on...I don't think any of them can completely fix an adult who, as a broken-hearted child, felt unloved by his or her parent(s).

You are not a ghost, you are not whining, and you are not alone.

Thank you Beth

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Fuzzy, I hope you got some relief from this post. Know that you are loved and accepted fully and completely here

Thank you MuddyBoots, I did get some relief from this post

I appreciate each of you who replied, thank you for your thoughtfulness and empathy

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks and appreciation to the person who posted this in another thread to me

''I'm feeling slightly growly today ''

[Fuzzybear]

Cultivating a sense of trustworthiness and trust

[Fuzzybear]

[Moose72]

Fuzzy you deserve to be loved. My mom has been horrible to me as an adult but not as a child. It still hurts as an adult but I can't imagine not being able to trust your parents as a kid. Isn't that the whole point of being a parent- to protect and love your child? I'm sorry too that your mother made you "cry it out". I've never agreed with that philosophy; I think it's cruel.