Questions bipolar version #10

Twelve hours. All the usual remedies were unavailable at the time.

What's the longest you've gone without sleep?

Two days, then I crashed for 4 hours of oblivion then I was up and going again.

Do you hyper focus when you’re manic

Hypomanic, often. Manic, no. Sometimes when hypomanic, everything "on the outside" is unnoticed. I get almost obsessed with what I am doing at the time. However, as my mind races faster and faster, everthing becomes like little shots of images and feelings flying by at 200 mph.

When you haven't had a particular episode in a long time, do you start to forget a bit of the pain or elation you experienced?

No. Not at all. Euphoria, even the unstable euphoria of mania, is something not easily forgotten. Same goes for the self hating feelings that come with depression. In the case of mania, at least, it's tantalizing. Experiencing those feelings again is always a temptation for me, even though I know what happens when mania goes off the rails. The inevitability of debilitating depression doesn't dampen the attraction.

Have you ever served your country in some capacity? (Military goes without saying, but law enforcement and/or Peace Corps type programs are fine to mention.)If you haven't or couldn't, would you have signed up if you had the chance?

I never have.

would I?

maybe.. I never really thought about it

so, do I just leave another question?

um

my question is..

which medication (or group of medications) have you had the most success with?

My current one-two: Lithium and Lamictal. I've been more stable on these two meds than I've been in years!

Have you ever had to intervene on behalf of someone in trouble?

One day, maybe about 8 years ago, I was driving home from the grocery store. As I waited at the traffic light to turn onto the busy road, I saw "Steve" starting to walk across. I knew Steve from AA, the psych hospital, and an IOP. I quite liked him. Sadly, Steve really struggled with his alcoholism and he was terribly drunk that day. When he reached the middle of the busy road, I saw him fall. I had been watching. I pulled over immediately into a parking lot right on the other side, and then ran to him. Traffic had stopped and he just laid there. He was conscious, so I was able to help him up and walk him to my car, then drove him home. It was definitely not a "happily ever after", though.

What is something you do regularly to relax?

if you don't mind me asking, what happened next?

something I like doing is taking care of my nails. like to make sure they are nice and short (I actually just did them last night, woooo!)

when you go to bed at night, do you usually fall straight asleep, or are you awake for a while

Hi @emily1890. I drove Steve to his apartment. Other than being very drunk, he wasn't hurt. Otherwise I would have gotten him help. I remember as he was getting out of my car, I noticed he left a Sprite soda bottle. I called to him saying that, to which he returned and said sarcastically "You know that's not Sprite in there!" Of course I knew. A day later, I got a phone call from him. He found my phone number in the directory. He said that he had written a poem for me and had always loved me. I tried to kindly discourage his feelings, but he called back, drunk, a couple more times. My husband got on the phone and ended the calls. He likely eventually died from his addiction. My guess. He had already been deteriorating in appearance, greatly. I believe he once told me that his father had been an alcoholic. He also said he was a Vietnam vet, and I suspect he had PTSD. He had been married and had an adult child, both of whom cut him out of their lives. When sober, he was so sweet, but sobriety was too hard for him to maintain. We initially "hit it off" as friends because we had both studied Mandarin Chinese.

I used to fall asleep pretty quickly in the past, when stable, but that has changed. I take a pretty sedating evening med cocktail, usually at 6 or 7 pm, yet lately I don't fall asleep until 1 or 2 am.

What birds do you most often see or hear?

Now that I’ve moved, I don’t really see birds any more. I’m up on 6th floor. I do see some flying around but they are not close enough for me to identify them. I did see some huge dark bird, it was very large even so far away.

I used to see all kinds at mum’s house including a big old turkey, blue jays, hummingbirds, and all kinds of furry animals too.

Do you see wildlife of any kind from your living quarters?

just birds, and in the summer bumble bees and other insects/ asorted bugs

do you ever get angry with yourself because you're not where you want to be in your life?

what a sad ending to your friendship.

I am sorry for your loss

Yes but I'm getting better about that as I realize how hard my life was before I stopped working, leaving the job of my dreams.

Do you wear glasses? What color are your frames?

I wear glasses with basic copper colored metal frames.

What is your favorite comfort food?

for me it's gummy bears. yum
at what point did you realise something was wrong and you wanted to seek a diagnoses?

I never sought a diagnoses, I was hospitalized then given a diagnosis, which I rejected.

Do you have a pet the burrows it’s way into your heart?

Oh yes! Definitely my cat Binx. I call him my service cat because he's my emotional support when no one is home. I've never felt such a connection with a cat before. Him and I are buddies. I love him so much and he loves me and helps me when I'm sad or in pain.

Let me think of a question...

Have you ever had surgery before? How long did it take you to recover?

A few times. My back surgery in April was probably the most drastic. I was out of work a month and a half, but physical recovery was about three weeks to a month.

Have you ever been awake (by design) for a medical procedure the doctors typically put you under for?

Yes. I had knee surgery as a teenager and needed to be able to kick on command. So initially I had a lot of drugs to keep me calm but awake and when he'd seen enough and I was starting to feel pain I was put under for the rest of the surgery.

Do you come out of anesthesia calmly or upset?

I’ve always been mentally calm, a bit confused but physically I’d do a lot of vomiting. It wasn’t until recent years with better meds that I didn’t have the vomiting.

We’re you kept inpatient after surgery or was it outpatient

Inpatient (as a child)

Have you ever owned a train set?

yes I have

I don't really remember much about it, because I was so young- but what I do remember is that the tracks were wooden and it used to take ages to set it all up

what childhood toy was your favourite and why

It's not really a toy, but I always walked around with my baseball glove. I loved the way it smelled, how soft it was after I oiled it, and breaking in a new glove was a science in and of itself. I still have several of my old baseball gloves in the garage.

If you drive, describe your first car.

The first car I drove (at 17 years old) was a VW Gulf, diesel engine, manual transmission, but it was my parents' car. The first I personally owned (at maybe 21 years old) was a used VW Dasher, automatic transmission. My first brand new car (I was 26) was a 1997 Honda Civic DX, manual transmission. I really loved that Honda! I had to sell it when Hubby and I moved to Europe. Despite it being old by then, it was in great shape, and clean. A man named "Don Dollar" bought it for over $3,500. Pretty good for what was a 32 year old car. It never gave me any trouble.

What was the first major thing you bought for yourself (your money, not parent's)?

An antique gold and opal ring. Ohh I loved that ring. Then I caught it on a hook. It was a high % of gold so twisted and mangled its self. I set in my my jewelry box and when I moved it got lost. It was so elegant.

Good question, so what was the first major thing you bought yourself with your own money?