Bipolar check-in #71

*Beth* · Nov 23, 2022 at 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I wish you could see her or someone like her. She specializes in difficult cases so options like Emsam and clozapine are available and in my case she's not afraid to combine the two strong meds. She's been my pdoc for 19 years so I can barely remember fighting with previous ones although I did.

I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm glad med dude at least raised your topamax dose.

Are you anywhere near a big teaching hospital? I have been seeing my pdoc since she was in private practice before she moved to the big hospital but it's more likely to find doctors like her at teaching hospitals. That's why I drive so far to see her (that and it's so rural here that there aren't any options, much less someone experienced in difficult cases).

What an excellent situation, Rainbow. I'm happy for you that you have it.

Yes, I live about 30 miles from an enormous teaching hospital. I had psychiatric care there on and off (depending upon my insurance/ability to pay out of pocket) between 1987 and 2015. In 2015 they stopped taking my insurance and hiked their hourly rate from $80 to $120 out of pocket. By now the cost must be much higher. I just don't have it monthly and I'd really need it more often than that, plus the gas to get there. It's really too bad, because the place itself is there. The only somewhat down-side of the teaching hospital was that I had a new pdoc every June because of rotation. That actually wasn't too bad, though, because they were all friendly. There was one I was really sorry to lose, but for some reason the rest were easy to work with, too. The entire system there ran smoothly. They did seem to "think outside the box," too.

Soupe du jour · 10:00 AM

Hubby and I had a pleasant afternoon. We managed to finally meet the parrot and zoo neighbor. We gave her 5 kg of the carrots. Soon after stepping into her compound I felt something rubbing against my leg. I looked down and it was...the lynx I mentioned a while back. I touched Hubby's arm and motioned downwards as it rubbed against his leg, too. Apparently "Gerry" was a rescue and is clearly quite a spoiled "kitty" (diminutive) as the neighbor calls him. During the visit she was petting him and even kissing him on the head. When he got annoyed at some things, he hissed, and the neighbor scolded him. We thought it best not to pet Gerry, but weren't really scared by the frequent leg rubs. It's so horrible that people think it's "cool" to adopt an animal like a lynx and not even know how to properly care for it. The zoo (neighbor and colleagues) had to save Gerry who was dangerously calcium deficient. Many animals are illegally smuggled in to various countries. And of course other rescues were also neglected with many traumatized.

The neighbor took us to see dozens and dozens of parrots of all kinds (budgies to amazons to macaws and cockatoos and more). She even had two kookaburras, which upon seeing I started to sing the song my great grandma taught me. It's a major place where she has employees and a veterinarian that are regularly there to help. Most birds are rescues. We also saw that she had two servals (another type of cat), but they were in very large caged areas. Her set up is nice for all of them, especially the servals. She said that "Gerry" sleeps in the house on the sofa. She also said that in the past, at one point she took care of four lion cubs on the property. Yesterday Hubby and I virtually "adopted" a parrot in need by making a contribution. She knew about it. I'm sure the neighbors all think she's a bit nutty.

Aurelius710 · Nov 25, 2022 at 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hubby and I had a pleasant afternoon. We managed to finally meet the parrot and zoo neighbor. We gave her 5 kg of the carrots. Soon after stepping into her compound I felt something rubbing against my leg. I looked down and it was...the lynx I mentioned a while back. I touched Hubby's arm and motioned downwards as it rubbed against his leg, too. Apparently "Gerry" was a rescue and is clearly quite a spoiled "kitty" (diminutive) as the neighbor calls him. During the visit she was petting him and even kissing him on the head. When he got annoyed at some things, he hissed, and the neighbor scolded him. We thought it best not to pet Gerry, but weren't really scared by the frequent leg rubs. It's so horrible that people think it's "cool" to adopt an animal like a lynx and not even know how to properly care for it. The zoo (neighbor and colleagues) had to save Gerry who was dangerously calcium deficient. Many animals are illegally smuggled in to various countries. And of course other rescues were also neglected with many traumatized.

The neighbor took us to see dozens and dozens of parrots of all kinds (budgies to amazons to macaws and cockatoos and more). She even had two kookaburras, which upon seeing I started to sing the song my great grandma taught me. It's a major place where she has employees and a veterinarian that are regularly there to help. Most birds are rescues. We also saw that she had two servals (another type of cat), but they were in very large caged areas. Her set up is nice for all of them, especially the servals. She said that "Gerry" sleeps in the house on the sofa. She also said that in the past, at one point she took care of four lion cubs on the property. Yesterday Hubby and I virtually "adopted" a parrot in need by making a contribution. She knew about it. I'm sure the neighbors all think she's a bit nutty.

I suppose if anyone is best suited to care for Gerry, it would be Zoo Lady! I'm curious, is this something she runs as an animal sanctuary or is this more in her personal capacity?

Either way, she seems like an interesting woman!

Soupe du jour · 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

I suppose if anyone is best suited to care for Gerry, it would be Zoo Lady! I'm curious, is this something she runs as an animal sanctuary or is this more in her personal capacity?

Either way, she seems like an interesting woman!

We didn't ask, but I'm sure she gets some subsities from somewhere. The food alone would cost a fortune, I think. Her son-in-law is a vet, but I'd wonder how he could even handle all of those responsibilities. It's sad how many birds, especially, there are. People buy them not knowing the responsibility (and caring) needed for them. It's obviously the same for all pets, but sadly many look at parrots as "decorations" or toys they can teach curse words to. Often gifted to children, they end up a regretted purchase. Parrots and all animals need love and attention and proper care. You don't just feed parrots seeds or a baby lynx meat from the market. That eventually causes malnutrition. A lynx shouldn't be a pet at all. Some parrots and other birds shouldn't be, either. The only reason the neighbor treats the lynx as one is because it's physically disabled, to a degree, and "domesticated" since kitten years. I'm still not sure her couch is the best place for Gerry, though.

She said she is affiliated with a zoo and bird rescue in Prague. That's where we donated to. She was aware when we visited.

Nammu · Nov 23, 2022 at 12:17 PM

Oh soupe, how cool.

Wow Beth, way to manipulate med dude into a better place.

*Beth* · Nov 23, 2022 at 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Wow Beth, way to manipulate med dude into a better place.

Thanks, I appreciate your vote of confidence. Nammu, I felt like I was pulling teeth.

What a wonderful experience and memories of your coOp. Gosh, I miss that simplicity.

Scooter9 · Nov 23, 2022 at 01:38 PM

So it turns out I was taking triple doses of gabapentin! I was taking 3 pills but they were 300mg per pill and I was supposed to take just the 300mg, but when I took it before I was on 100mg pills, which is why I needed to take 3. I just assumed I was oh the same dose so I took 3!

No wonder it was working so well on my anxiety!

I'm back on 1 pill now.

I joined a health club which has a sauna, hot tub, pool, and lots of machines and free weights. I'm getting a fitness constitution on Monday where they'll tell me what to do to meet my goals. I just want to lose some weight and improve my heart.

Mountaindewed · Nov 23, 2022 at 02:19 PM

Beth a Walmart in Virgina.

I didn't sleep good last night. I was out of my regular melatonin and I tried my old stuff and I didn't have much luck. This morning I picked up my Geodon and more melatonin. My anxiety was kind of off today too because my brother in law was taking me to get my haircut and my beard trimmed at a certified barber. I had never been to one and I was nervous. But my hair was a mess and my facial hair was all over the place and I really needed a barber to do it not just a regular hair stylist. So he took me this afternoon. They were nice and I got a super nice masculine haircut and a really nice beard trim and now I feel Iike I can leave my house without my hat. I'm actually looking forward now to Thanksgiving. My brother in law paid and he was so excited for me. Now I am at home trying to rewind but I also have to get ready for my trip. My mom finally fixed our hotel situation so we will be staying at 2 different ones. One Thursday night and one Friday night. Just based on our plans for both nights she says it makes sense driving wise. Idk if thats true or not but I don't drive so I guess I don't have a say.

Aurelius710 · Nov 25, 2022 at 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I hope anyone who is not asleep is having a peaceful night. I hope we ALL have a peaceful Wednesday.

I had my appointment with med dude. I'll be candid, because I don't know how else to be in life.

He began prescribing less than a year ago and it shows. He is empathetic and he does care. He's friendly, he has a sincerity about his manner that touches me, and that I'll carry with me when I remember him 10 years from now. His thinking lacks creativity because he lacks confidence, which causes him to be somewhat falsely arrogant and easily threatened. Logically, it follows that he gets defensive easily.

So, after about 6 months I do finally understand how to negotiate with him; I don't feel lost. What follows is how I've arrived at my conclusions.

I explained to Dude how hard this month has been (what you all know), that the Topomax has blurred the sharp edges of the depression but that the dose is still very low, that I am having terrible anxiety with waves of panic.

And I told Dude that a friend who has bipolar disorder uses Emsam to treat her depression. I told him that my therapist also said she has had clients with BD who have had success with Emsam. Med dude asked me how to spell it. He scrolled through his phone. OH, nah. That's an MAOI. Those aren't really used anymore. Too many side effects. I pushed a bit. (read: DUDE: Deep depression has side effects, too, hello) Disappointment - major. But I gave up.

I gave Dude the information that my GP referred me to an MD at the clinic where I receive my health care & that the MD is a doctor who specializes in addiction. I am seeing him, I explained, because I hope to be able to get off Klonopin (about 30 years on it).

I explained that Dr. D. uses the Ashton Method for benzo withdrawal. Med dude wanted to know which benzo Dr. D. would use to short-term replace the Klonopin. When I told him "Either Xanax or Valium" he came back with, "Xanax! That's a highly addictive benzo! That wouldn't be a good one to use, and I don't know why he'd even use it!"

Dr. D. is in his late 60's and has several decades of experience with treating addiction. It's his specialty, he's highly rated, etc. So... Maybe he knows what he's doing?

Then I told med dude that Dr. D. said we will most likely raise my Gabapentin dose much higher than it is. Dude became threatened. Kinda shrill Wanted to know "Can the guy prescribe, or what? I mean, is he a psychiatrist, or what? Because 1800mg of Gabapentin is the HIGHEST for Gabapentin unless it's being used for seizure disorder, so what is this guy doing, anyway?"

I had to be the calm one. I felt like med dude's mom. Except my own son never loses cool like that, because he wouldn't have his super-high-stress job if he did.

I backed up. *Empower Dude* I suggested that we start with me giving Dude Dr. D's name. Med dude liked that. Then he scrolled on his phone and discovered that Xanax can be successfully used as part of the Ashton Method. He scrolled some more and admitted that Gabapentin can be raised much, much higher to treat not only anxiety, but a number of medical conditions and that yes, we could raise it at some point (BS, if Dr. D. would raise it tomorrow, great, I'm at that pharmacy with my hand out).

Let's face it: I am one of med dude's guinea pigs. He did agree (praise the Lord in all His mercy) to raise the Topomax to 100mg/day and "check back in 2 weeks."

And that, dear ones, is the story of today's chapter of Med Dude.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I deeply appreciate your words, Boots. I have had a few good ones in the past, and not that long ago. So much of it has to do with insurance and apparently mine is sh-it. I thought Medicare would be good (SSDI lawyer claimed that), but it's awful. Med dude is sweet and empathetic, just sooo inexperienced. But at least he is nice.

I empathize with your Med Dude situation. There have been so many times I've had to proverbially hold my provider's hand as I led them to the answer I already knew. I've had enough physical and mental health issues in my life that I could do a differential in my sleep, but if I open with what I think the issue might be, they take it as a challenge and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to prove me wrong. Not saying I haven't been wrong, but I've been right more than once too. I have to play to those doctor's egos, so they can "solve" the problem that I already know about.

To their credit, my current set of doctors will engage with me in a productive way. Obviously, I'm not going to get in the way of them doing their job, but they'll take my thoughts and experiences into account when coming up with a diagnosis.

*Beth* · 07:31 PM

....I have to play to those doctor's egos, so they can "solve" the problem that I already know about.
@Aurelius710

Bingo!

Have to play to their egos. <---- That is exactly what I've been trying to say, but couldn't find the words. Thank you for giving me the correct term....egos. Yes.

I'm so glad for you that you don't have to dance the tango to get your current doctors to do their jobs. That allows you to focus on your well-being, rather than on theirs.

*Beth* · Nov 23, 2022 at 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9

So it turns out I was taking triple doses of gabapentin! I was taking 3 pills but they were 300mg per pill and I was supposed to take just the 300mg, but when I took it before I was on 100mg pills, which is why I needed to take 3. I just assumed I was oh the same dose so I took 3!

No wonder it was working so well on my anxiety!

I'm back on 1 pill now.

I joined a health club which has a sauna, hot tub, pool, and lots of machines and free weights. I'm getting a fitness constitution on Monday where they'll tell me what to do to meet my goals. I just want to lose some weight and improve my heart.

Well, it sounds like that dose may have been a good one for you, since it was working well, Scooter. Oooh, the health club sounds fabulous!

Nammu · Nov 23, 2022 at 03:01 PM

I don’t think mum is going to PT today. She’s down in the dumps. She just picked at her lunch and isn’t dressed yet. But what can I say? This week I didn’t go to any aqua fitness classes. I’ve been waking up at around 2 and not getting back to sleep. The cold then seems a bigger obstacle than ever. The idea of putting on a swimsuit, then clothes, then outer wear, bah humbug.

I do need to go out though, to pick up meds, return a library book and get mum a different choice in birthday cards. She didn’t really like what I bought home last time. I get cards at the dollar store, 2 for $1 so it’s limited choice. But geez cards have gone up! $5-$6 dollars apiece elsewhere.

Tomorrow is looking good. Maybe even up to 40F! Yay 😁

*Beth* · Nov 24, 2022 at 12:14 AM

I saw Dr. D. today, the addiction doctor who is supposed to help me get off Klonopin. When I met him 2 weeks ago he was so kind. Encouraging. Today was, what can I say. Very disappointing. He was sick, stuffed up and snotted up (I was frankly glad he was wearing a mask), so maybe he felt cranky. I explained to him that I followed his instructions and told him the withdrawal effects I felt. He immediately denied that the sleep disruption I've been experiencing ("hovering sleep") is from decreasing the Klonopin. Well, of course it is. Do doctors ever simply google anything? Spend an hour on a mental health forum?

Anyway. He got kind-of rude to me, honestly. I guess he was irritated because I didn't have the reaction he had wanted me to have, plus he was sick and who knows what the heck else.

So he barked at me WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS, said I can do this or I can remain on the Klonopin, whichever I choose WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS and I told him I feel discouraged. He told me to come back in a month. I came home and cried.

unlived · Nov 24, 2022 at 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I saw Dr. D. today, the addiction doctor who is supposed to help me get off Klonopin. When I met him 2 weeks ago he was so kind. Encouraging. Today was, what can I say. Very disappointing. He was sick, stuffed up and snotted up (I was frankly glad he was wearing a mask), so maybe he felt cranky. I explained to him that I followed his instructions and told him the withdrawal effects I felt. He immediately denied that the sleep disruption I've been experiencing ("hovering sleep") is from decreasing the Klonopin. Well, of course it is. Do doctors ever simply google anything? Spend an hour on a mental health forum?

Anyway. He got kind-of rude to me, honestly. I guess he was irritated because I didn't have the reaction he had wanted me to have, plus he was sick and who knows what the heck else.

So he barked at me WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS, said I can do this or I can remain on the Klonopin, whichever I choose WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS and I told him I feel discouraged. He told me to come back in a month. I came home and cried.

What a moron! Sick or not!

*Beth* · Nov 24, 2022 at 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlived

What a moron! Sick or not!

I don't like to over-use the word, but in this case it really IS the most accurate word for me to use. The man was TRIGGERING

Fuzzybear · Nov 24, 2022 at 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I saw Dr. D. today, the addiction doctor who is supposed to help me get off Klonopin. When I met him 2 weeks ago he was so kind. Encouraging. Today was, what can I say. Very disappointing. He was sick, stuffed up and snotted up (I was frankly glad he was wearing a mask), so maybe he felt cranky. I explained to him that I followed his instructions and told him the withdrawal effects I felt. He immediately denied that the sleep disruption I've been experiencing ("hovering sleep") is from decreasing the Klonopin. Well, of course it is. Do doctors ever simply google anything? Spend an hour on a mental health forum?

Anyway. He got kind-of rude to me, honestly. I guess he was irritated because I didn't have the reaction he had wanted me to have, plus he was sick and who knows what the heck else.

So he barked at me WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS, said I can do this or I can remain on the Klonopin, whichever I choose WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS and I told him I feel discouraged. He told me to come back in a month. I came home and cried.

That stinks

*Beth* · Nov 24, 2022 at 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

That stinks

Thank you so much, Fuzzy. I know you've been in the same shi*ty situation, also many times Flush them all

MuddyBoots · Nov 24, 2022 at 11:22 AM

Happy Thanksgiving to all my non-native American neighbors! (And sorry on behalf of my ancestors to the Natives)

wildflowerchild25 · Nov 24, 2022 at 01:46 PM

Goodness gracious Beth you’re just having terrible experiences with prescribers. It’s horrible to half to be the reasonable one with a dr! And to have one be mean and rude is difficult to deal with too. We get it so often in this ride of bipolar. Drs don’t take our opinions and reports of symptoms seriously. It sucks. I hope dr d goes back to being a nice guy and it was just because he was sick, not that it’s an excuse.

*Beth* · Nov 24, 2022 at 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Goodness gracious Beth you’re just having terrible experiences with prescribers. It’s horrible to half to be the reasonable one with a dr! And to have one be mean and rude is difficult to deal with too. We get it so often in this ride of bipolar. Drs don’t take our opinions and reports of symptoms seriously. It sucks. I hope dr d goes back to being a nice guy and it was just because he was sick, not that it’s an excuse.

Thanks so much for your understanding, wfc. David's comment was "The guy's no healer." He encouraged me to make a complaint to the administration. Seriously, Dr. D. was abusive and I found his behavior triggering. It reminded me of the way my stepfather would be when he started off on an abusive rant leading to very bad violence.

I'm rapidly losing faith in doctors - to the point at which I'm having intuitive feelings of eventually moving towards going into alternative medicine; the expense is major. That said, a place to start is with my niece, who is an acupuncturist, and maybe that's a blessing right in my face that I haven't been seeing. Not that I wouldn't pay her, but I know she'd see me at a very low rate, or allow me to pay her out. I mean, I'm in NorCal, sitting in the smack center of alternative medicine everywhere I look. I am sooo fed up with abusive azzholes for MD's and having my reality denied. And I am always, always polite. The whole thing is just wrong.

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Bipolar check-in #71

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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 71,659 (SuperPoster!) 14 53.8k hugs given	Nov 23, 2022 at 12:17 PM #5 Oh soupe, how cool. Wow Beth, way to manipulate med dude into a better place. __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,385 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,971 hugs given	Nov 24, 2022 at 11:22 AM #18 Happy Thanksgiving to all my non-native American neighbors! (And sorry on behalf of my ancestors to the Natives) __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.