Bipolar check-in #71

Fuzzybear · Nov 25, 2022, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Thanks, bizi. Dr. D. is the doctor in question. He's the one who talked me up about how important he believes the Ashton Method is, how he believes in using it for Klonopin withdrawal and also higher doses of Gabapentin. When I asked him yesterday about exactly what he'd told me at our first appointment he backtracked and made all kinds of excuses and I don't know what the heck.

He acted just like a used car salesman who was trying to sell me a car, but then ran my credit and when it didn't pass he did a 180 and couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
Acted like most doctors I encounter - a jerk with no people skills.

MuddyBoots · Nov 25, 2022, 08:38 AM

I'm sorry about your continually shtty experiences with docs, Beth. I can only hope one day a Godsend pdoc will come your way and help you out significantly (or at this point let you take the wheel).

Nammu · Nov 25, 2022, 08:53 AM

I’m trying hard to get myself to go to aqua class this morning. Bah humbug. It’s only 29F outside, nice for this time of year. But still I postpone getting ready.

Aurelius710 · Nov 25, 2022, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hubby and I had a pleasant afternoon. We managed to finally meet the parrot and zoo neighbor. We gave her 5 kg of the carrots. Soon after stepping into her compound I felt something rubbing against my leg. I looked down and it was...the lynx I mentioned a while back. I touched Hubby's arm and motioned downwards as it rubbed against his leg, too. Apparently "Gerry" was a rescue and is clearly quite a spoiled "kitty" (diminutive) as the neighbor calls him. During the visit she was petting him and even kissing him on the head. When he got annoyed at some things, he hissed, and the neighbor scolded him. We thought it best not to pet Gerry, but weren't really scared by the frequent leg rubs. It's so horrible that people think it's "cool" to adopt an animal like a lynx and not even know how to properly care for it. The zoo (neighbor and colleagues) had to save Gerry who was dangerously calcium deficient. Many animals are illegally smuggled in to various countries. And of course other rescues were also neglected with many traumatized.

The neighbor took us to see dozens and dozens of parrots of all kinds (budgies to amazons to macaws and cockatoos and more). She even had two kookaburras, which upon seeing I started to sing the song my great grandma taught me. It's a major place where she has employees and a veterinarian that are regularly there to help. Most birds are rescues. We also saw that she had two servals (another type of cat), but they were in very large caged areas. Her set up is nice for all of them, especially the servals. She said that "Gerry" sleeps in the house on the sofa. She also said that in the past, at one point she took care of four lion cubs on the property. Yesterday Hubby and I virtually "adopted" a parrot in need by making a contribution. She knew about it. I'm sure the neighbors all think she's a bit nutty.

I suppose if anyone is best suited to care for Gerry, it would be Zoo Lady! I'm curious, is this something she runs as an animal sanctuary or is this more in her personal capacity?

Either way, she seems like an interesting woman!

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I'm sorry about your continually shtty experiences with docs, Beth. I can only hope one day a Godsend pdoc will come your way and help you out significantly (or at this point let you take the wheel).

I deeply appreciate your words, Boots. I have had a few good ones in the past, and not that long ago. So much of it has to do with insurance and apparently mine is sh-it. I thought Medicare would be good (SSDI lawyer claimed that), but it's awful. Med dude is sweet and empathetic, just sooo inexperienced. But at least he is nice.

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 10:02 AM

For you @Aurelius710

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Aurelius710 · Nov 25, 2022, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I hope anyone who is not asleep is having a peaceful night. I hope we ALL have a peaceful Wednesday.

I had my appointment with med dude. I'll be candid, because I don't know how else to be in life.

He began prescribing less than a year ago and it shows. He is empathetic and he does care. He's friendly, he has a sincerity about his manner that touches me, and that I'll carry with me when I remember him 10 years from now. His thinking lacks creativity because he lacks confidence, which causes him to be somewhat falsely arrogant and easily threatened. Logically, it follows that he gets defensive easily.

So, after about 6 months I do finally understand how to negotiate with him; I don't feel lost. What follows is how I've arrived at my conclusions.

I explained to Dude how hard this month has been (what you all know), that the Topomax has blurred the sharp edges of the depression but that the dose is still very low, that I am having terrible anxiety with waves of panic.

And I told Dude that a friend who has bipolar disorder uses Emsam to treat her depression. I told him that my therapist also said she has had clients with BD who have had success with Emsam. Med dude asked me how to spell it. He scrolled through his phone. OH, nah. That's an MAOI. Those aren't really used anymore. Too many side effects. I pushed a bit. (read: DUDE: Deep depression has side effects, too, hello) Disappointment - major. But I gave up.

I gave Dude the information that my GP referred me to an MD at the clinic where I receive my health care & that the MD is a doctor who specializes in addiction. I am seeing him, I explained, because I hope to be able to get off Klonopin (about 30 years on it).

I explained that Dr. D. uses the Ashton Method for benzo withdrawal. Med dude wanted to know which benzo Dr. D. would use to short-term replace the Klonopin. When I told him "Either Xanax or Valium" he came back with, "Xanax! That's a highly addictive benzo! That wouldn't be a good one to use, and I don't know why he'd even use it!"

Dr. D. is in his late 60's and has several decades of experience with treating addiction. It's his specialty, he's highly rated, etc. So... Maybe he knows what he's doing?

Then I told med dude that Dr. D. said we will most likely raise my Gabapentin dose much higher than it is. Dude became threatened. Kinda shrill Wanted to know "Can the guy prescribe, or what? I mean, is he a psychiatrist, or what? Because 1800mg of Gabapentin is the HIGHEST for Gabapentin unless it's being used for seizure disorder, so what is this guy doing, anyway?"

I had to be the calm one. I felt like med dude's mom. Except my own son never loses cool like that, because he wouldn't have his super-high-stress job if he did.

I backed up. *Empower Dude* I suggested that we start with me giving Dude Dr. D's name. Med dude liked that. Then he scrolled on his phone and discovered that Xanax can be successfully used as part of the Ashton Method. He scrolled some more and admitted that Gabapentin can be raised much, much higher to treat not only anxiety, but a number of medical conditions and that yes, we could raise it at some point (BS, if Dr. D. would raise it tomorrow, great, I'm at that pharmacy with my hand out).

Let's face it: I am one of med dude's guinea pigs. He did agree (praise the Lord in all His mercy) to raise the Topomax to 100mg/day and "check back in 2 weeks."

And that, dear ones, is the story of today's chapter of Med Dude.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I deeply appreciate your words, Boots. I have had a few good ones in the past, and not that long ago. So much of it has to do with insurance and apparently mine is sh-it. I thought Medicare would be good (SSDI lawyer claimed that), but it's awful. Med dude is sweet and empathetic, just sooo inexperienced. But at least he is nice.

I empathize with your Med Dude situation. There have been so many times I've had to proverbially hold my provider's hand as I led them to the answer I already knew. I've had enough physical and mental health issues in my life that I could do a differential in my sleep, but if I open with what I think the issue might be, they take it as a challenge and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to prove me wrong. Not saying I haven't been wrong, but I've been right more than once too. I have to play to those doctor's egos, so they can "solve" the problem that I already know about.

To their credit, my current set of doctors will engage with me in a productive way. Obviously, I'm not going to get in the way of them doing their job, but they'll take my thoughts and experiences into account when coming up with a diagnosis.

Nammu · Nov 25, 2022, 11:17 AM

I did it! I dragged myself to aqua fitness this am! So glad I did. Now to get myself to regular fitness class. It’s as much for the social aspect as it is for the fitness part.

Then later today I’ll change out the autumn decorations for Christmas ones. It’s not often that the weather is so nice this time of year that it’s easy to switch them out.

scatterbrained04 · Nov 25, 2022, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did it! I dragged myself to aqua fitness this am! So glad I did. Now to get myself to regular fitness class. It’s as much for the social aspect as it is for the fitness part.

Then later today I’ll change out the autumn decorations for Christmas ones. It’s not often that the weather is so nice this time of year that it’s easy to switch them out.

That's awesome that you got to the fitness class. It can be so challenging to get ourselves there.

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Soupe du jour · 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

I suppose if anyone is best suited to care for Gerry, it would be Zoo Lady! I'm curious, is this something she runs as an animal sanctuary or is this more in her personal capacity?

Either way, she seems like an interesting woman!

We didn't ask, but I'm sure she gets some subsities from somewhere. The food alone would cost a fortune, I think. Her son-in-law is a vet, but I'd wonder how he could even handle all of those responsibilities. It's sad how many birds, especially, there are. People buy them not knowing the responsibility (and caring) needed for them. It's obviously the same for all pets, but sadly many look at parrots as "decorations" or toys they can teach curse words to. Often gifted to children, they end up a regretted purchase. Parrots and all animals need love and attention and proper care. You don't just feed parrots seeds or a baby lynx meat from the market. That eventually causes malnutrition. A lynx shouldn't be a pet at all. Some parrots and other birds shouldn't be, either. The only reason the neighbor treats the lynx as one is because it's physically disabled, to a degree, and "domesticated" since kitten years. I'm still not sure her couch is the best place for Gerry, though.

She said she is affiliated with a zoo and bird rescue in Prague. That's where we donated to. She was aware when we visited.

Nammu · Nov 25, 2022, 02:12 PM

Takes a special kind of human to care for so many cast off pets. Thank goodness there’s special people like that around the world. 🦜 🐈 🐩

Soupe du jour · 04:28 PM

I'm looking forward to my ENT appointment next Friday. For a while, my hearing hasn't been great. Yesterday, my left ear's hearing worsened notably. It feels disconcerting. I think it's mostly the usual problem I've had throughout my life, which can be relieved by the doctor during the appointment. However, I wonder if my left ear has something extra going on. My sinusitis has been bad lately. Could be that's done something. I wonder if I'll need more.

I stopped trying to pop my ears yesterday. It was an exercise in futility.

*Beth* · 07:31 PM

....I have to play to those doctor's egos, so they can "solve" the problem that I already know about.
@Aurelius710

Bingo!

Have to play to their egos. <---- That is exactly what I've been trying to say, but couldn't find the words. Thank you for giving me the correct term....egos. Yes.

I'm so glad for you that you don't have to dance the tango to get your current doctors to do their jobs. That allows you to focus on your well-being, rather than on theirs.

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm looking forward to my ENT appointment next Friday. For a while, my hearing hasn't been great. Yesterday, my left ear's hearing worsened notably more. It feels disconcerting. I think it's mostly the usual problem I've had throughout my life, which can be relieved by the doctor during the appointment. However, I wonder if my left ear has something extra going on. My sinusitis has been bad lately. Could be that's done something. I wonder if I'll need more.

I stopped trying to pop my ears yesterday. It was an exercise in futility.

Excess earwax?

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did it! I dragged myself to aqua fitness this am! So glad I did. Now to get myself to regular fitness class. It’s as much for the social aspect as it is for the fitness part.

Then later today I’ll change out the autumn decorations for Christmas ones. It’s not often that the weather is so nice this time of year that it’s easy to switch them out.

Good for you!

Nammu, I am cautiously excited - I was reading through our local senior's guide this morning (one has to be 60 to participate, which I will be in late Dec.). One of the activities listed is aqua fitness! The directory asks that people "call for information." So I hope it's not only in the summer and I hope it's not only morning. I will call to get details.

And I'm excited about your decorations. I can imagine them in my mind

Nammu · Nov 25, 2022, 05:44 PM

@Beth ;. Ooo I hope that works out. It’s not just the physical benefit but also for the social benefits. I don’t know if this is true everywhere but here it’s very accepting of differences. I just wish the senior center here had mahjong. I did that in Texas and loved the game. Here though I just saw they have a rummy 500 game which I used to play ages ago. I need to stop by and find out when. I miss games.

wildflowerchild25 · Nov 25, 2022, 06:23 PM

Thanksgiving went quite well! Everything came together nicely, all the food was done by 4pm on the dot. It was a thing of beauty, truly! It was a little stressful but much less so than last year. I think last year I was already slipping into a mixed episode if I recall correctly. My mom came over and we had a nice little dinner, me my boys and her.

My new psych nurse is just amazing. She’s so so nice and she actually listened when I expressed concern about the weight gain. So many drs don’t care! So I am weaning off the haldol very slowly to minimize any withdrawal effects and then I’m going to start abilify. I really can’t remember if I’ve ever been on it, it’s possible I was supposed to be but it was too expensive. Or I was on it and it made me worse. I guess we’ll find out.

Oh, I have a movie recommendation for everyone if you have the time or access to Amazon prime. It’s called words on bathroom walls and it’s about a high school student who finds out he has schizophrenia And tries to find out how to live with the illness without being defined by it. It’s very good. Can be triggering if you e ever had psychosis, the depictions of audio/visual hallucinations are very real.

~Christina · Nov 25, 2022, 06:32 PM

When you wake up in a shyt mood and go back to bed and take a nap and your mood is still shyt

Maddie is cute but she’s a lot of work. I’m the one who is training her and Steve’s the “ fun Dad” that lets her get away with far to much.

These 5-6 am wake ups are tough on me having you get moving so fast to get her outside. Steve can’t do it because he needs all his breathing meds first.

#EndRant

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Nammu · Nov 25, 2022, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

When you wake up in a shyt mood and go back to bed and take a nap and your mood is still shyt

Maddie is cute but she’s a lot of work. I’m the one who is training her and Steve’s the “ fun Dad” that lets her get away with far to much.

These 5-6 am wake ups are tough on me having you get moving so fast to get her outside. Steve can’t do it because he needs all his breathing meds first.

#EndRant

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Nammu · Nov 25, 2022, 06:54 PM

Oo my solar red cardinals are lit up. I wasn’t sure they had enough time to soak up enough energy to light up tonight. We have the wreath on a timer and the birds are solar as are the little reindeer solar lights. It was great having such a nice warm day to put it together. It got up to 48F today! I’m tempted to go down and get my angels.

Mountaindewed · Nov 25, 2022, 07:23 PM

I enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner last night. I saw some people I haven't seen since the transition and they were totally cool with me. They said I looked great. There was no mixup with names or pronouns. I was able to ditch the hat with this new haircut. I went out shopping this morning and I didn't have my hat on and I have never gone without my hat during my entire transition. I've worn it everywhere since June 2020. It really is a big deal for me to go into stores without it. I went to my normal homestate stores that I stop at every time I visit. Then we went to lunch and then checked into the second hotel. I feel pretty decent.

Although the first thing my aunt asked me was "are you looking for a job?" Which I found to be a kind of rude first question. I had talked to my last therapist about the guilt I felt about not working for 2 years and she told me not to feel guilty because I had legit stuff that kept happening that prevented me from going back to work.

Idk. I found it rude. Then my aunt gave me $7 pumpkin butter for no reason.

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oo my solar red cardinals are lit up. I wasn’t sure they had enough time to soak up enough energy to light up tonight. We have the wreath on a timer and the birds are solar as are the little reindeer solar lights. It was great having such a nice warm day to put it together. It got up to 48F today! I’m tempted to go down and get my angels.

Those cardinals must be beautiful! I think I've seen reindeer solar lights, if so, they're adorable. And 48 - not bad, at all.

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner last night. I saw some people I haven't seen since the transition and they were totally cool with me. They said I looked great. There was no mixup with names or pronouns. I was able to ditch the hat with this new haircut. I went out shopping this morning and I didn't have my hat on and I have never gone without my hat during my entire transition. I've worn it everywhere since June 2020. It really is a big deal for me to go into stores without it. I went to my normal homestate stores that I stop at every time I visit. Then we went to lunch and then checked into the second hotel. I feel pretty decent.

Although the first thing my aunt asked me was "are you looking for a job?" Which I found to be a kind of rude first question. I had talked to my last therapist about the guilt I felt about not working for 2 years and she told me not to feel guilty because I had legit stuff that kept happening that prevented me from going back to work.

Idk. I found it rude. Then my aunt gave me $7 pumpkin butter for no reason.

That is so excellent, Md. Success!

*Beth* · Nov 25, 2022, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

@Beth ;. Ooo I hope that works out. It’s not just the physical benefit but also for the social benefits. I don’t know if this is true everywhere but here it’s very accepting of differences. I just wish the senior center here had mahjong. I did that in Texas and loved the game. Here though I just saw they have a rummy 500 game which I used to play ages ago. I need to stop by and find out when. I miss games.

The center here does have Mah Jong, a couple of afternoons a week. They have a bunch of games, but I'm not much for games. I remember that my mom used to talk about how she loved to play Mah Jong with her friends in NY.

Would it be possible for you to suggest it, or to actually start a Mah Jong group?

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Bipolar check-in #71

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