Bipolar Check-in #72

I hope h recovers very quickly. Sorry to read he is sick. Perhaps try distracting yourself with a movie or a positive project you can do at home. H will be happy for you to take good care of yourself during his recovery.

I have so much i need to be doing alas I can’t focus ugh

I saw my dad this morning and then my sister and brother for several hours in the afternoon. The visit with my siblings today was quite pleasant. Thank goodness! We actually had a good time and reminisced about better times. My brother got improved blood test results, from his chemo. He gets a new PET scan to further see the status of his cancer. I hope there's an improvement! If not, it will be so discouraging. His chances of surviving this are slim, but we prefer to be positive. I hope today was not the last time I see him, but it's possible. I saw no good in crying when we hugged goodbye. I don't want to think we are there yet, plus it's not our way to be overly sensitive before it's truly warranted. We are a tough lot.

When we visited my dad this morning we decided to take him for coffee at a nearby Dunkin Donuts. Short visits are all he can handle. We are not permitted anywhere in his assisted living facility except his room, so going out was better. His room is unpleasant in many ways (some disgusting) which the assisted living should handle, but they don't or can't. Can't because Dad is currently still deemed allowed to refuse some things or claim he can handle them himself, but we see he can't. My sister wants to get him evaluated again. We think he's ready for a nursing home. His ability to handle ADLs is now quite limited. He's also deteriorating more, cognitively. For example, today he asked where my brother lives. He also barely talks anymore. The dementia, depression, and/or overly sedating meds? I don't know. He smelled like excrement. I suspect his diaper was not clean. I told my sister that when I saw her. The assisted living only talks to her. I will see my dad, briefly, tomorrow morning, but then we fly to Europe in the early afternoon.

When I had time alone with my sister, I reminded her that she can't keep on doing all of the support for our brother and dad at the rate she's going. I think she neglects herself. Of course I've told her how much we appreciate her and how I'm sorry that I live far away and can't do more. But our brother won't accept outside help, when he should, and he sometimes takes out anger on her. Dad with an even higher level of support would also lighten the load on her.

Not sure what else to write, but that this stuff is rough!

I want to go home, which is now Czech Republic.

Soupe du jour- I'm sorry you have all that going on hopefully your dad gets evaluated soon and you brother gets help and a better prognosis.

I feel silly saying this but for the first time ever I ordered food, accepted a delivery, and ate half of it all on my own. Locked behind 3 doors but still that's great for me.

that is rough. I hope your sister listens to you.

Thanks, Miguel'smom!

Congrats on taking these steps to care for yourself while h recovers! They are significant. I hope your delivered meal was yummy.

I realized today I have no idea how to treat myself. I’m working on losing weight and I’ve always treated myself with food and I’m just stumped on what else to do. Like the concept of doing something *I* want to do exclusively for me is so foreign to me. I don’t do anything I want to do for fear it will make RS upset. I feel that I don’t deserve anything for myself. These are old trauma responses I must undo.

I took a walk today on my own which was very nice, it was cold but I have new fleece lined leggings that are very warm. Plus it was sunny and walking briskly warmed me up as well.

Im generally in a bad mood just because of hormones, so I hope to feel better tomorrow.

What a revelation! Yay!

Has anyone read/watches where the crawdad sings????

Omg…. Wow. Great story!

I read the book. I found it just so so, and didn’t get why it was such a big deal. I’ve read others similar to it, it’s not a new story.

I so wish I could afford a banjo dulcimer. Sigh. I hate always being broke. I’ve always wanted a banjammer!

@HALLIEBETH87 I enjoyed the book too. I want to watch it in Netflix but have been so tired since I found out it was on there 2 days ago that I haven't yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Oo Elton has much cooler glasses than I’ll ever have. But seriously the way people mistake me for someone who knows more than I know is hilarious. Even when I was young. When my daughter was young we lived in the twin cities and they have many museums and art galleries. Whenever an exhibition came to the cities I’d read up on it and take my daughter explaining things to her. Once an Aztec exhibition came when she was 3 or 4. Being deaf I can’t join the guided tours of docents so I read up before hand. I was explaining to my daughter what we thought we knew about their calendar when a group of Asian tourists gathered around me to listen. It’s not like I’m an expert but people just listen to me. And that was way before I got glasses! I had a friend who told me it’s because I don’t claim to know enough that I sound like I do know more than I do. If that makes sense. Yet by sight alone I get judged and dismissed because I look like an bohemian hippie. I can’t say how many in the psych field or how many pdoc have said their first impression of me was to dismiss me because of the way I dress. But then I talked and was re-evaluated But I love my hippie clothes.

Wonderful story about the tourists That sounds like something that would happen to my oldest sister. She's tall and tends to look serious because she's often thinking about things like trying to recall where she left her car, or should she use the bathroom now or later. People take her so seriously and either ask her for directions or act as though they expect her to be mean. Well, she is seldom good with directions and she's never mean. Go figure.


It's horrible that psych professionals judge anyone by the way they're dressed. I'll bet the most talented ones don't. You can get a vibe from someone, even colors from their existence, without noticing what they're wearing.

I've been up since 12:40 I think. And I think I'd feel worse if I went back to bed. Right now I'm in a decent mood I'm just kinda getting drowsy. I went to bed before 5:30. Maybe I'll try a coffee Coke.

I just worked out for 17 minutes. Man that was a tough one. I tried doing planks for the first time. I googled them and thought it looked easy enough. It was not. I did about one full one for maybe 40 seconds. Then 2 half ones for about 10 seconds. Holding myself up like that is tough. Then I did 50 regular ab crunches with the ab pad my mom got me for christmas. Then 40 reverse ab crunches. Which is 10 more then yesterday those are hard too. Then I did 30 bicep curls on each arm with my kettlebell and then 30 squats with my kettlebell and I drank some water after but I'm still out of breath. I can drink my protein shake in a few minutes.

I'll have to work on those planks some more.

At least I'm not tired anymore.

I got the new pair of jeans from my brother in law last week but they still don't button. Normally this size falls off me. My sister was like "how do they not fit at the waist?" Which I think she meant as a compliment. So I ordered some button extenders from Amazon and I'm hoping they work. My brother in law says they will stretch. They are "raw" japanese denim and are honestly pretty stiff but he claims they will be the best jeans I'll ever own. So maybe I just need to break them in. He said don't wash them for 6 months. Then theres all these special instructions on how to wash and care for them since they are supposed to fade into light colored rainbow lines when washed properly. It seems a bit like a headache. But they were about $170 on sale so I'm really appreciative of him and my sister since it was a really thoughtful and extravagant gift. I just hope the buttons work. They are coming today.

5:30 still no sleep even with 2 benadryl. I'm uncomfortably wired. I think I'm going through a mixed episode. My son will visit my husband tomorrow. I'm to twitchy and nervous to go to the hospital. It looks like I'm on a bunch of drugs when I'm not. Then there's the random crying, the constant movement or the paranoia that they may make me stay.

I reached out to h's best friend. I don't know if anything should happen I should be making choices for my husband. So I'm going to be honest with his friend how I'm doing and see what he has to say. He's the one that is soupose to make decisions if we're to sick to.

It’s good!!!

I’m already in a bad mood, and mean passive SI thoughts are popping up. SI images too. I’m going to give it another week because it may improve once PMS is over, but if it doesn’t I guess I’m going to restart haldol. I’m going to try for 1mg though to see if that works enough. But I really do think I will feel better in a week, I get this way every month.

Today we’re going to a “holiday” brunch. It was supposed to be before Christmas but half the attendees got sick with the flu. So it’s today. We were tasked with bringing orange juice. Very easy! I think I’ll be ok through that, though I’ll probably nudge RS to leave earlier than I normally would. It’s all good though.

I hope everyone has a good day, halliebeth and Miguel’s mom I’m thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Early mornin breakfast with my
Fiancé at the Cracker Barrel’s! Lol

MD- There are so many plank variations that honestly you could just do some of those for 40 seconds, take a 20 second break, and do another for 40 seconds. I've been doing that and I can hold a regular plank for 2 minutes now.
Some variations are spiderman plank (pull one leg in, tap it to the ground so your foot is next to your knee, put it back, repeat on the other side).
Dolphin- get into regular plank position but then do kind of a downward dog pose- lift your hips up high.
Side planks- pretty self-explanatory
Commando- this one's tough and I can barely do it for 40 seconds but you just go back and forth between full plank and elbow plank using your arms one at a time
Single arm planks, plank hip dips, and I forget the name but you put your feet to the one side then the other.

Sorry, I just love planks

wfc- I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope it is just PMS because I know how much you can't tolerate the haldol. Find some way to treat yourself

Mm-

I went to bed at. 2am abd got up at 7. Had breakfast abd went to Walmart. Excited to get away from that evil np who’s out to get me