Bipolar Check-in #72

Happy birthday!

I worked out too much yesterday. I woke up at 12:40 in a lot of side pain. I stayed up then decided I could workout just my arms. So I did 75 weight lifts. Now I am in so much pain and very nauseated. I do have sort of a deliema. I got reaprovved for disabilty and social security very easily. The letter came today. My mom sent them a list of my meds and the doctors visits I have gone to in the last 2 years. And just like that I was recertified. The letter said they didn't need anymore info. They didn't need to contact any of my doctors. I'm good for however long. Now my mom and therapist are sort of pushing me not to work. I have outstanding insurance that pays for basically anything and I can see amazing doctors and get great care. I think they are worried even a part time job will dismantle my disabilty status. Plus my therapist thinks my eating disorder may get even worse if I'm working. But we are focusing on food this week, eating every 4 hours. Then next week calling the job I applied to and seeing whats up with that. Then we will go from there.

Basically I'm just bored and I feel useless and like I'm wasting space. My therapist suggested I find a hobby. But I think my mom is mainly worried about this insurance.

They probably did check it. I just checked my portal and they didn’t reply to my message and I couldn’t find any reference re my vitamin D levels.

Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 🎁

Happy Birthday, @Aurelius710!

H's friend convinced me to call the crisis line. Which directed me over to a hospital walk in clinic. I was 8 min late. They took my name and address and told me to come back at 9 am. So I have to go tomorrow morning. This is so scary to do without H. Miguel has been amazing. Taking me to and from the hospital. I'm so ****ed but they have awesome programs on paper. So we'll see. Gotta.

They kept finding more stuff wrong with h. And can't find the underlying condition. So it's test after test after test.my nephew is coming up. His parents are coming up it's a mess.

Happy Birthday!

I'm finally home in Czech Republic. I just woke up at 12 noon. Obviously I'm still sort of on New Jersey time, plus I had barely slept for 48 hours. When I got home my ankles were all swollen. I'll guess that only sitting for all that time contributed. Yes, not even once in a horizontal position. Plus too much salt from store and restaurant food and likely not enough water, which is really bad for my already ailing kidneys.

@Soupedujour; ah, it’s so good to be home! Hope the jet lag resolves quickly. Take care of yourself

Happy Birthday Aurelius!

Happy Birthday Aurelius
I hope your special day brings many bright blessings!

This is surreal. Talking with friends I grew up with, no one recalls storming like this. This afternoon is bright and sparkling, but tonight another storm is due.

My mission for today is to wash and dry all the towels I'm using to keep the rain from coming in through the bedroom and bathroom windows so I can reuse them tonight when the storm hits.

I feel so alone. I need to decide if mum needs extra help or if she is ok. She went to bed at 9pm yesterday and didn’t get up until 11am. Then she couldn’t eat anything. I made vegetable soup for her and she ate some of that and went back to bed. In the past when she has taken to her bed it’s meant she’s sick. Both time she ended up in the hospital for weeks. The first time she had a kidney infection that led to a heart attack. The second time she had double pneumonia. This time she doesn’t seem to be sick but depressed. I used to know her doctor but that doctor left. I don’t know who to call.

Her eyes are getting bad. She used to do word puzzles and read a lot of books, but she has age related macular degeneration and yesterday she had to get an other injection in her eye. She depends on the captions to understand what’s going on on tv because her hearing has gone down dramatically. She has two hearing aids but it’s not the same. I’m worried she’s very depressed.

I've been out all morning running errands. I got more soda and apples and some stuff from the international market. At Walmart we got a few small toys for my niece to keep at our house. Mental health wise I'm doing fine. I was totally fine being out this morning besides really needing to use the bathroom after an iced coffee. Physically I feel fine too. I slept last night and then I took some Advil at 4AM and skipped the workout today. Last night was really tough pain wise. But I'm doing well. Since we're watching my niece twice a week and I don't go out on weekends, that kinda limits what I can do. So I just have to do a lot at least once a week. Bringing her to therapy doesn't really make me happy. Watching my therapist gush over her is kinda embarrasing to be honest. At least the baby didnt cry.

I'm making all this progress with my agoraphobia and being able go leave my house and feeling ready to go back to work because of the increase in Prestiq that I had to beg my pdoc for because he claimed it wouldn't help. Well....

Does she still have home nursing coming to see her? The place I worked for had specialized psychiatric nurses who worked with people with depression (or other mental illnesses) and they could help right there at home. I don't know if other companies do this or even if the one I worked for still does but it might be something to ask about. They also can check her out and see if there seems to be a physical cause.

No, apparently that was a one time thing. I don’t know who her doctor is now. The one she had retired. I’ve gone though her papers and found an appointment she has with a PA in February but I don’t know if that’s the new doc or not. Her old one specialized in geriatrics.

Do her hospital discharge papers say anything? Don't they usually have a follow-up scheduled on there? I really don't know, just guessing. I've never been in the hospital that the follow-up wasn't a surgeon or my pdoc.

She was in to see a doctor the week after her hospitalization but she just listen to mum’s lungs and declared her better. And thee home nurse came and went over mum’s meds. That’s all over with. I’ve been wondering if I could call and ask to speak to a social worker?

I just asked my mom what Silicone Valley meant and she told me it was an area in California where a lot of computer realated companies are located. I thought it was a term for super rich people who got a lot of plastic surgery or used a lot of dieting products. Idk. I swore I heard something like that somewhere.

The home health place or the hospital?


I don't know why home health didn't go on for her. Did they try physical therapy? She sounds very weak which isn't going to help her appetite or energy level. As long as she can't get out of the house without extreme effort she's entitled to the home health services. So maybe call them and talk to their social worker or intake person or something and find out what they are actually able and willing to provide. Not all home health places provide the same amount of care and you may need to go with aher company.


At the same time you'd need a doctor to prescribe the home health. It's like a big circle isn't it? I wish there were something better to suggest.

Yes. I called the clinic and they called back. I have to find a home health company and they then call the doctor to get an order. There’s three companies in our small town. None of which have any ratings. My daughter works in social services so she’s going to take the lead on this. She came over last night and had a good talk with mum. Her cousin is even higher up in social services and they will see which company to go with. Yes once we get one of them then she can have PT at home. Hopefully they will have some ideas on how to get her to eat. Yesterday she had a cup of soup and half a container of yogurt.

I’m feeling that we made some progress on this last night. My daughter is very good at this kind of thing.

I’m glad to hear you’re making progress nammu. It’s clear you care about your mom very much and it’s difficult to be a caregiver for someone 24/7. Getting some home health care will definitely take some burden off of you.

My haldol-less experiment has ended. I’m spiraling quickly so I have to catch it now. I’m moderately depressed with a lot of irritation and intrusive si/sh thought. The thoughts are not my own and I don’t want them to become my own. My chest is very tight these days from anxiety.

So I started 1mg haldol again yesterday. Today I made a list of five coping skills I will use to handle this effectively. I usually use ice to deal with sh urges so I’m going to bundle up after work and go for a walk. Let the cold air hit my face. Then take a hot shower at some point today.

I have another chapter left in my book, so I’ll finish that one. And I do have another book. I dunno if I’ll start that one though. I have kindle unlimited but I can’t find my charging cord to my actual kindle. Maybe I’ll stop at the second hand book store.

I can handle this.

I think going back on the haldol was wise. Hope it help quickly.