Bipolar Check-in #72

Coming up to 2:30am on New Year’s Day… happy new year everyone Hope 2023 is a better one for everyone!

I'm wondering where @Aurelius710 is?

Also @cool09 how are you doing?

It sure hasn't been a slow news day these last 24 hours. I kinda hope the Idaho guy knew the college kids or else it will be even more disturbing if it was just random.

I'm doing ok today. I slept a long time last night. Almost 12 hours. I finally took a shower and brushed my teeth and I'm doing the massive amount of laundry I've been negelcting for a few weeks.

I feel slightly uneasy about going back to work. I know my therapist said if the job is that bad I don't have to stay. Like no one is forcing me to stay.

Mainly I think I was just kinda heavy on the caffeine again today. But yeah I suppose applying for work on Monday is weighing on me heavily.

I wanted to wish everybody a wonderful new year. I hope it is peaceful for all.

I usually send private messages or messages on boards for New Year’s but am not up to it. The absence of my brother as we leave 2022 behind has me twisted in knots. Mom is not in any better shape. 2023 has to be better by default almost.

Mom sliced her hand good yesterday while cutting a tomato. Had to take her for stitches. It concerned me greatly. Glad she is okay.

Much love to all.

Like Sunflower, I also wish everyone Happy New Year!

Today we went to the famous Mayan historic site of Chichén Itzá. It was quite interesting! We had a guide, so learned a lot we wouldn't have if we went on our own. We also avoided the lines. It is hotter than we thought here and hotter than on the coast. Today it reached 85°F (feels like 92°F). It's a shock to our systems after some 10°F days up north.

Last night I got even more mosquito bites than the days before. I think I have around 25 now. I'm a mosquito magnet.

I wish everyone a happy New Years too.

Just got the paper in and there’s New Years specials on all the main channels. If we don’t like them we can watch PBS reruns of some of our favorites.

Soupe that sounds fantastic minus the bites. Today is a boring day. I have jazz on while I travel the internet then I’ll read a while. Ho hum start to the new year, May 2023 be a boring year.

Can’t believe it’s 2023. May it be better than last year because last year sucked.

I'm not sure how it all works @Nammu. I looked at the government weather site and tried to figure out seconds, minutes, etc. I'm not good at that stuff. All I know is, I've been counting the minutes. Maybe it has something to do with the "sun setting in the west"? I have no idea, but the sun set 8 minutes later last night than it was right around the solstice. I'm going to count it again tonight. I'll give you the report tomorrow!

I’m just so done with winter already. The dark, the cold. Brrr it will be April before we see the snow vanish. snow for the holidays is fine, but then it needs to go away. Yet it’s good we’re getting lots as we need the moisture.

So I've been experiencing the bright lights at the edges of my vision. GP does think it's due to the AD Topamax, and that those lights can indicate optical problems that can become serious (hopefully are not yet, I am very concerned). I have to decrease the Topamax rapidly until I am off it. Meaning, severe depression returns. Meaning, have to find replacement med.

@BeyondtheRainbow I have done about 2 hours of research, studying and taking notes, on Emsam. I am convinced that it would be an excellent choice to treat my depression. I am going to condense my notes and neatly write them out, then give them to med dude. I will ask him, when I see him on Tuesday, to please, please consider the advantages of the medication for me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I’m just so done with winter already. The dark, the cold. Brrr it will be April before we see the snow vanish. snow for the holidays is fine, but then it needs to go away. Yet it’s good we’re getting lots as we need the moisture.

I feel for you. It seems to me that autumn began a year ago. Here, however, we will begin to see early signs of spring when February begins and by Valentine's Day it's quite likely we'll have sunny, nice weather. If we have rain it will be a "spring rain."

I think it has to be extremely challenging to have winter extend months beyond the holidays. It is good for the earth, of course. Hard for people though. I genuinely admire you for hanging in there. And I hope this isn't an inappropriate thing to say, but if you're feeling down or blah, well, you know where to find me.

I know this isn't helpful, but I can't help but say after last summer, I will never look forward to the end of winter. Too many sleepless nights due to heat/humidity, too many walks/hikes not taken because just going to the mailbox made me feel like I'd pass out, too much wildlife all out of whack because of drought, etc.
So, yeah, I'll take it being dark between 4pm-7am over between 11pm-4am and being a bit chilly and having to do some shoveling and white knuckle driving every now and then over that shyt any day. Then again, I don't live in Buffalo.

Happy New Year everyone!

I’m all ready for New Year’s Eve, I put my black pjs with stars on them on, nested under my brand new gunmetal fleece throw listening to jazz. I turned on all the fairy lights and the tree. I hope tonight’s music is listen able. To be honest I find most modern music to tinny and piecing for my pleasure.

@*Beth* That does sound a like a great idea. I like the idea of you advocating for yourself, as it should be. A doctor's medical expertise and your expertise of your body and needs should have equal value in the doctor-patient relationship. I hope he is receptive. Fun fact ! I study pharmacology just for the fun of it, and if I'm not mistaken Emsam (selegiline) is structurally very similar to amphetamine.In fact, I think it's metabolite may even be an isomer of amphetamine -- which means it'll work by increasing dopamine in the brain (of particular interest D1 receptors) and of course norepinephrine so you may see more of a robust response in conjunction to it's MAO actions. Anyway, I am interested to see how that goes!

I'm not feeling the greatest today. Nothing is really wrong, it's just a blah day. I did study a little bit of my web development course and I spent some time starting a timeline of trauma to give to my new therapist. I'm kind of exhausted. Now that I've written that. I guess staring at a list of negative life experiences would bum me out. lol. Anyway. Nothing to report. Happy New Year's Eve everyone! I'll try to stay up until the ball drops in NYC.

@*Beth* one thing you probably know after your research, but Emsam is not a typical MAOI. There are interactions but for me that means my family doctor or any other person who will be prescribing for me need to run a med checker before prescribing. Which should be done with an AP anyway. Not a big deal. Surgery requires either anesthesiologists who are comfortable working with the MAOI or 2 weeks off prior to surgery. I've had surgery a number of times with anesthesiologists who were comfortable. There are food interactions at 9 and 12 mg but they aren't as desperate as traditional MAOIs. I eat cheese with my pdoc's approval and am fine (she gave me the OK after talking to the man who developed the med and he said the FDA insisted on the restriction out of fear more than anything that showed up in trials). I do not eat the other things on the restriction list. I wouldn't tell med dude about the cheese thing but because the Emsam doesn't go through the stomach the restrictions are just better. And hopefully you are fine at 6 mg which doesn't have food restrictions.

I think Emsam is a really great drug that too many providers are afraid of. Like I told you before I've been on it 13 years now and have never had a problem except 2 times. Once I got a headache after I ate something I shouldn't have and that may have been a coincidence. The other was when I was newly on it and nobody had thought to tell me that if I had a fever I needed to take the patch off. I had a horrible stomach virus and was very dehydrated along with a fever and wound up in the ER with a head to toe rash that went away when the patch was removed and I got some benadryl.

I hope med dude listens and is willing to try it. I'm sure it is scary as a provider (which is why I'm the only one on here posting about being on it; it's too good of a drug for me to be the only one) but it works so well and with so few side effects.

That would explain why I was quite wired when first on it. @*Beth* you should know that. I paint a rosy picture but the first couple months were not super easy. The depression lifted but I was pretty anxious and needed more anxiety meds for a bit. I tend to forget that one downside. It did go away and it may have been increased because the first month I was on it my pdoc was out for surgery and so wasn't there for me. So my family dr worked with me which was fine but I was anxious without my experienced pdoc. And then I got sick as mentioned in my prior post and that was also a difficult experience. I think after 6 weeks-2 months my body regulated itself and I was not anxiety or wired anymore. Until then I took hydroxyzine, klonopin and valium. Now I would probably just use the klonopin and gabapentin since we know now that works well for me.

Thank you so much @Brentus. Pharmacology is very interesting to me, too.

I'm really sorry, though, that you're not feeling up to par today. I hope you get a good sleep and awaken feeling refreshed

You have been an angel @BeyondtheRainbow, with giving me so much help and encouragement, and your experience with regard to Emsam. I have very few options when it comes to AD's.

I hope and pray that med dude is open to listening to the research I've done and is not defensive about it. He can get that way when he feels he's being "told" what to do, which concerns me. So all I can do is hope. I called the research hospital's psych clinic yesterday but they were closed for the holiday. Doubt they'll accept my insurance, but hey, who knows. Last resort - my GP is incredible. If I have to, I will explain everything to him and tell him I must have help with this.