Bipolar Check-in #72

So this new sleeping med combination is kicking my butt. Which was the point but wow. The 11 pm dose puts me to sleep within 30 minutes or so. That is wonderful. The problem is I wake up around 4 wide awake which means I have to take more klonopin. And that just knocks me out for a long time.


Today I slept until 1. I was up at noon but must have fallen back to sleep. I've been wanting nothing but a nap since but I'm not supposed to nap. I'll be glad to sleep soon.

It's affecting my coordination. Typing is hard. Yesterday I dropped a whole bowl of uncooked oatmeal and water when I tried to put it in the microwave. Today I tried to get a glass out at my mom's and dropped and broke it. I seem to be having more tremors than usual.


I hope that soon I start sleeping through the night without the 4 AM dose. Then maybe next month I could back down from some of the night meds.

I'm glad that she was aggressive and we're getting this under control. I needed consistent sleep. I just hate feeling groggy.

Hopefully tomorrow I don't make a big mess. That's my goal.

I’ve been MIA the last 3 days.

I got my laundry done including both sets of sheets. Yesterday, I got a new phone. My other one has been driving me mad- it.it was taking way too long to open programs and the Home Screen started glitching really bad giving me the pop up that said “Home is not responding.” I’d click that away but then the screen would turn black for a second. It kept alternating between the message and the black screen over and over till I’d finally have to reboot. Also the button on the side of the phone wouldn’t respond a bit of the times. Now I’m all showered and in pjs in my bed between my freshly laundered sheets. The new phone has some features that are fun but I’ve spent two days fiddling with it trying to get my apps back and add a few new ones. I have gotten a notification in my list of apps that the ones I downloaded are there. Somehow I managed to open one of the games and play it but then I couldn’t figure out how to close the program. So last night I was watching a show called “ That 90’s Show. It’s a sequel to That 70s show. Well, the plot of the earlier show is about a group of neighbor kids hang out in one of their basements. So"….

The now grandparents are letting their grand daughter stay with them for the summer. Well that grand daughter looks 98% like N2! They have the same Uber straight hair and weirdest of all is they have the same mannerisms down to the cool expressions! N2 and my mom and I had a conversation about this and she’s seems the showsr ! All three of us thought the same thing and N2s boyfriend heard about the show from a coworker. Now I wish that Nataleigh could fly to California and meet her!

I'm going to return to this thread tomorrow because I've missed you all, all day. Someone has been mean and crabby to me and I'm feeling shaken up (not about anyone in this immediate location). Sheesh. I work on not taking things personally that I know aren't about me, but it's difficult for me when someone is attacking because that person is in a bitter frame of mind.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I fell asleep last night at 5:30. I woke up at 8 thinking it was 8PM on a Friday in the summer for some reason. ....

It is such a strange feeling when that happens.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird So the meeting went well The goals that I have are: -Volunteer at the library: I put in a volunteer application at the library, I just need to call and followup/ask how long it typically takes them to take volunteers -Get the OBGYN visit done: I had my doctor put in a referral put in last week, so I will be calling to ask them about that since I haven't heard anything back from them either, it's just for an annual pap exam since I haven't had one in over 3 years -Go back to college in August: Everything is still on track with that, just have to sign up for classes when it gets closer to the semseter starting -Keep eating healthy, keep exercising, etc, she recommended/suggested I look into buying an air fryer since I'm kind of adraid of cooking things on the stove/oven. So I am going to be looking into getting one of those soon -

I was a library vol when I first moved to this town. I did it for only a month, though, because I was offered the volunteer job of facilitating a NAMI Connection group. So I got involved with that. I think you'll like the library work. Oh! And the library I vol'd at has a cat named Henri

An air fryer - I've heard wonderful things about them. I could use one.

You are doing wonderfully well, Birdie!

You sound much better @wildflowerchild25. I hope the next 2 half-days go as well.

Yesterday we went to my new psychiatrist appointment to find a note on the outside gate (locked) that they were closed because of electric problems. We called her cell phone and she apologized, saying she didn't have my phobe number to contact me. So, she rescheduled to this Friday. At least her office is close to our upcoming house, so we went there for a visit.

My siblings called me yesterday to share news that my brother's test results and PET scan showed very good results/improvement from all of the chemo he's been getting. I was very happy and it was clear that my brother and sister feel much more hopeful. Gosh I hope it keeps helping! My brother said he has even felt a little better and even gained some weight (he had rapidly lost over 100 lbs from the cancer, and is dangerously underweight). A few times during all of this he has talked about visiting me in Europe when he feels much better. That in itself reflects a major change in his view of things to do in his life.

I just watched That 90's Show, too @Moose72! I thought it was so-so. Fun to see the old cast. The woman who plays Donna has had plastic surgery, though. Her face looks creepy. That's fun about N2, though

I fell asleep yesterday afternoon at 3:30. I woke up right before 11 and stayed up until 1. Then I slept until 5:30. I haven't slept like that in ages. I felt ok when I got up. Just kinda anxious and stuff and still tired. I had to get legit things done that I had been putting off due to my exhaustion. First I went to Sports Clips and I got my haircut. I was nervous going in. The hair stylist was nice and either didn't know, or didn't care that I was trans. They also have a disclaimer on their site that they don't discrimnate and at least this one didn't. She did a good job on my hair and she took her time, but she made me look very young and she didn't do a whole lot with my facial hair besides trimming it and making it look neat. Neither the guy before me, or the guy after me paid me any attention which was good since they were pretty "manly" then I went and finally got my blood work done. Then I went to Walmart and got the new strawberries and cream Dr. Pepper I had been looking for. I just now had a can of the zero stuff and it was ok. Its pretty sweet. But I got 3 things, 2 things I had been putting off for awhile, done today. So it was a pretty productive day.

I'm wondering if I have low vitamin D. Its been low in the past and I know that can cause fatigue and feeling weak and stuff.

Doesn't that vermin see his shadow every year?

Thanks Beth I just called my pdoc about the depression and also increased anxiety (feelings of panic that I can tell are from the medication). I don't feel right at all, and I think this new medication is making things worse. The office said that the APN that put me on this medication will give me a call back later. I think I'm going to request to get off this medication. I tried to "wait it out", and even though it's only been a little over a week, I know my body best and cannot function like this any longer. I felt better before compared to now. I'm hoping they listen to me.

I'm getting 50 visits to my site from my ad, so that's good and nice to know.

I went to the gym a couple of times.

Still feeling low but that's nothing new. I hope it gets better before my trip that starts on Monday.

I finished my 3 months of taking the blood thinner for the lung blood clot I had as a result of covid last October.

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Originally Posted by xRavenx Thanks Beth I just called my pdoc about the depression and also increased anxiety (feelings of panic that I can tell are from the medication). I don't feel right at all, and I think this new medication is making things worse. The office said that the APN that put me on this medication will give me a call back later. I think I'm going to request to get off this medication. I tried to "wait it out", and even though it's only been a little over a week, I know my body best and cannot function like this any longer. I felt better before compared to now. I'm hoping they listen to me.

I also hope they listen to you. And honestly, if a med is making me feel worse and I'm sure it's the med, it's my body. My body does not belong to "them." I will decrease and stop that med on my own.

So I had to take my motorcycle in for a recall and rode in 27 degree weather. Yes it was cold but I had some good wind therapy.

Doing better today did not wake up with a anxiety attack and have started to feel better mentally lately. I'm not sure if my new medication is kick in or I am starting to come out of my daze from my wife passing away.

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The apartment next to mine is vacant and the maintenance dude is working on it. All of my neighbors are friendly, so I hope I get another nice one. And, of course, decently quiet.

There's a couple living next to me, both sweet people, but don't speak English at all so we just smile at each other. I feel so sorry for the man because he has severe OCD. It's literally painful to watch him perform his rituals by his car and outside of his apartment before he enters it. His wife is pretty, but looks so tired and sad. I wonder if it's the effect his OCD has on her. I really want to hand the guy a bottle of medication.

I got my blood test results. My red blood count is high. I swear I've been drinking enough water. My blood doctor literally said I was drinking enough at my last appointment. I've had Gatorade too lately. I'm going to demand answers from both my doctors because they always focus on just the hemocatrit and not any other high blood level.

My agoraphobia has been amazinly under control now though. I am finally comfortable with myself.

So idk what the other stuff is about.

Your hematocrit value and your red blood cell value are related. Hematocrit is the percentage of your blood that is red blood cells, so if your red blood cells are high your hematocrit is high (typically)

Thank you. I spoke with the APN (just a phone call, not an appointment). She recommended reducing the dose and said the medication can cause nervousness until the body adjusts, so she thinks it is too early to tell. I was close to saying I just want to get off the medication all together. But now I am not sure what to do, so I just reduced it for now like she said and will see how that goes. I'm not too optimistic though.

Yes I thought the same thing- her face looks like she’s had a facelift! It just has that puffy weird look. Same with the grandma Kitty.

Been a couple of laid back days. Not really doing much but visiting mum and doing the upkeep of a house. Haven’t yet found anyone to install grab bars. I need to find the studs in the wall then order the bars. Then I’ll have everything except for someone to come install the bars.

I’ve read all my library books so Saturday I’ll need to go to the library. Saturday because tomorrow is freezing.

Sleep continues to be elusive. Im often not sleeping until 4-5 am and getting maybe 4 hours of sleep. It’s slowly draining me of energy to do anything. With mum not being here im not cooking. I buy premade single salads and ready to eat meals. I wash the dishes every four days when im out of glasses for my morning chai. And need silverware.

I'm not sure if I have anxiety or a stomach ache. I had taken some pepto bismol tablets after a Dr. Pepper. Then I took my AM topamax, prestiq, geodon, and a valium. I just now took a zofran. I'm starting to feel better but I still don't know which it was. Anxiety or a stomach ache or both.

My testosterone level is kind of high but my doctor says its still at a level hes ok with. Basically I'm just having a super hard time controlling my appetite all of a sudden. Plus I have the fatigue.

Edit: i started using Unisom gummies for sleep. I just googled it and I read that one of the side effects is uncontrollable hunger and weight gain. Has anyone else had this expierence? I just started using it a couple weeks ago around the time this crazy hunger started and I've put on like 8 pounds since then.

Edit again: I actually just searched this site and found 2 posts by myself in 2021 that talked about frantic like type hunger from Unisom. Which is what is going on now. So I guess that answers my question about where this hunger is coming from.

Trying to get the motivation to go to work. I had SH dreams and now it’s all I want to do. At least it a half day and I do see my therapist again today.

I need to go to the store but I’m wondering if I should just hold off on that. It’s 7 degrees and windy and will be that all day then will dip down to -11 degrees through tonight and tomorrow. I might have to wait until Monday when it gets a little warmer

I don’t have a car so would have to walk in it for about 20 minutes there and 20 minutes back

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We're getting hit by that arctic cold too. It's -4 dF and getting colder. Supposed to hit -15dF by tomorrow morning with a wind chill of -45dF. In the mountains they're saying a windchill of -110 (so don't go hiking, dumbasses!)

Bundle up good for your walk if you decide to go though

Sorry - haven’t been on for a few days. It hasn’t been scheduled yet. Am on a waiting list but will have it done within the next couple of months.

Happy birthday! (Well it’s Saturday in Australia)…. Hope you have an awesome 30th and enjoy that icecream cake!