[cool09]

? {sigh}
I've always had a bad self image. Is that psychosis?

[Victoria'smom]

I'm can tell when my head's loud, I'm feeling bugs on my skin, when I start getting too anxious bordering on paranoia. When I start to think if I say x thought out loud people will get concerned. And things like that.

[Crazy Hitch]

When I start to get paranoid of people something is off.

Good question. I asked my pdoc the same thing.

He said early paranoia is a sign for me.

[Crazy Hitch]

I don’t think bad self image as a stand alone symptom is psychosis it’s deeply psychological.

[Nammu]

If I was psychotic I would not be able to ask the question. Certainly not write it out. When I’m psychotic I’m not questioning if I am, I’m busy trying to convince others that my views are the only views. I’m not in reality nor aware enough to post in an appropriate thread. So my guess is that you are not psychotic.

[*Beth*]

I was in a support group with a woman who had at least some degree of psychosis. For her, she knew she was becoming psychotic when she heard people's thoughts.

I would not say that a bad self image is psychosis, no.

[HALLIEBETH87]

When my therapist tells me he’s concerned I am.

[cool09]

I constantly struggle with my self image. Since 13 I've never liked myself and had poor self-esteem. I just had some hope 2 mths ago when I started Saphris: my anxiety stopped and I started enjoying little things and I started to like myself but the medication has wore off so I'm back to square one with all of these questions about myself (what I'm capable of, etc.). Before 13 I had a healthy self image (then I became sick).

I just wonder if this preoccupation with myself is psychotic. Lord knows, I've been on lots of anti-psychotics.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by cool09

? {sigh}
I've always had a bad self image. Is that psychosis?

I think bad self image isn't usually related to psychosis, at least not for me. I think depression/anxiety is the cause, but it could be part of a mixed episode. Do discuss this with your pdoc/tdoc.

The only major self image change I experience during psychosis is during manic or mixed manic episodes when I can become grandiose. This goes way beyond a "good self image" by thinking one is the greatest in the world at something or all powerful/able or knowing of extreme degrees.

Many psychotic features I'm simply not aware of at the time (lack of insight). But over the years I have developed some. When I do, it's usually related to my energy level and sleep, large increases in socialization, risk taking/disinhibition/fearlessness, and over the top behavior. And related to what I call my "Star of the Show Syndrome".

Sometimes when psychotic, I've experienced some OCD-like symptoms related to anxiety. These can include repetitive movements and language repetition. I also have pressured speech, often loud, and disjointed thinking/speaking. These are warning signs, for me, which I initially don't realize until people point them out. Even so, sometimes I argue against them. *****ing (choose your "ing") and anger becomes more common.

During mixed episodes, I also tend to have delusions of persecution and paranoia (as other wrote), which I rarely have good insight into. As my episode worsens, so do all of the above symptoms.

[Hexagon]

Psychosis can be various of things. Not only “hearing voices”, but also to think that you’re someone else - as if an fictive or fictional person/character. That you speed up things for yourself, thinking faster - much faster than you used to - and shutting off the real world only to replacing it with “your” world.

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[cool09]

Not only “hearing voices”, but also to think that you’re someone else

Well, I certainly haven't felt like myself in decades. Haven't had much relief over the last 45 years so I feel removed from myself and I've tried taking advice from doctors/therapists which doesn't seem to help. I mean they can only tell me to "keep trying" so many times.

[Hexagon]

Originally Posted by cool09

Well, I certainly haven't felt like myself in decades. Haven't had much relief over the last 45 years so I feel removed from myself and I've tried taking advice from doctors/therapists which doesn't seem to help. I mean they can only tell me to "keep trying" so many times.

That doctors says “keep trying”, that’s not only unprofessional and that it creating a barrier of disadvantages - but also, it makes difficult for you to process and step up with changes. Some Swedish doctors here treated me similar like that (don’t pulling them all through same same comb, but still). Until I went to a private psychologist and psychiatrist.

Sometimes it’s horrific what these government doctors do. Like creepy. Not to tell their “decisions”. I can only hope that you go to some private one. Perhaps see on Google about their ratings and such. Couple of years ago, you weren’t able to find private psychologist and psychiatrist just like that. But today, with this technology, you can even read reviews. In my case, first visit was expensive - 193 dollars (or 2000 SEK) for 2h of talk. And another 193 dollars for private psychiatrist. Luckily, I sold my car last year so I had a budget.

Nothing is really easy in this life. I am all aware of it. I’ve been myself to hell and back numerous of times - many of those thanks to some government doctors, who just read the journal and then they treating their patients like Guinea pigs. As experiments. They don’t care about anything else here then put you on sleep, with needles if they have to. I don’t know how human government doctors are in US, but some here are on the edge as fascists. Not to mention the caretakers (the staff bellow nurses).

I just hope that you can take the best decision. Don’t live with that, live with yourself and enjoy the life. I know there will be some difficult times, but rather go to professional staff who can do their job than put you into the unwanted-box. Or come with easy-fixes. Life isn’t an easy-fix. Nothing is easy. Not 45 years ago, and not now. But, it can be different and better outcome. Just have faith, even if it can be hard.

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[cool09]

That doctors says “keep trying”, that’s not only unprofessional

My Dr. just says "Hang in there" the last year and I've landed in the hospital 3 times last year (including ECT) thanks to his lack of action.

Therapy is based around the notion of "keep trying".

enjoy the life

I haven't enjoyed anything the last few years. (Taking walks, going out, etc.)

[Hexagon]

Originally Posted by cool09

My Dr. just says "Hang in there" the last year and I've landed in the hospital 3 times last year (including ECT) thanks to his lack of action.

Therapy is based around the notion of "keep trying".

I haven't enjoyed anything the last few years. (Taking walks, going out, etc.)

Then I suggest that you get a new doctor. ASAP.

Great that you enjoy! Keep doing that! I go myself in the nature for 3,1 miles walk almost on daily basis. Keep enjoying the life even if it’s sometimes hard, have faith in yourself and don’t push yourself too hard.

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[Aviza]

I have a good self image I also have psychosis it's when I hear voices no one else hears and respond to them. I think the spiritual world is talking to me and in fact have proof of spiritual happenings when I'm in psychosis but meds work so priests won't do exorcism on me.

[cool09]

Then I suggest that you get a new doctor

This Dr. is the only one in decades that is easy to get along with so I've stayed with him even though he does nothing. I've seen tons of psychiatrists the last 45 years, most of them bad. I live in a rural area where good doctors are hard to find. I've traveled to Philadelphia and Baltimore to see psychiatrists. And I've seen at least 7 therapists the last 5 years.

[*Beth*]

The shortage of psychiatrists, especially in towns and rural regions, is scary. Being shoved off to see a PA or an MA is just not the same as an actual psychiatrist.

[cool09]

The shortage of psychiatrists, especially in towns and rural regions, is scary

There's only 3 psych wards within Delaware area and 2 of them are absolutely atrocious. Luckily, Wilmington Hospital treated me very well and cared about me in August and November..
Last year a Dr. gave me klonopin and loxitane for anxiety and criticized me when I stopped them because they weren't doing anything.

[Hexagon]

Originally Posted by cool09

This Dr. is the only one in decades that is easy to get along with so I've stayed with him even though he does nothing. I've seen tons of psychiatrists the last 45 years, most of them bad. I live in a rural area where good doctors are hard to find. I've traveled to Philadelphia and Baltimore to see psychiatrists. And I've seen at least 7 therapists the last 5 years.

That bad?! Omg… and I who nag on the government psychiatrist here in Sweden. Then I am very understanding about why you can’t. But it’s terrifying, that these people, well-educated, well known in their work, can’t give some proper help? Wtf…

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[raspberrytorte]

When I'm psychotic I have delusions and visual as well as tactile hallucinations. Nothing convinces me that my delusional thoughts are untrue.

[Valcingetorix5150]

Psychosis can sneak up on you. My only psychotic experiences are in the area of delusional thinking. During the actual psychotic episode, you don’t see yourself as doing anything weird or thinking anything weird. Everything seems very real. Later, when you are back to a ground state, there may be large gaps in your memory as actually what happened. The people around you will tell you some of the things you did and you will be astonished. in bipolar disorder, a break from reality, any kind of psychosis, can come with primarily manic episodes and mixed episodes. I remember reading somewhere that even a severe depressive episode can bring on a psychotic state. But the real issue is the severity of the episode. a manic episode that crosses over into psychosis is the severest form of mania. But at least for me, you cannot recognize that you are psychotic while it is happening. Maybe some people have some behaviors that serve as warnings, but that’s not the way it happens with me. Fortunately, I have not had a psychotic episode in many years . Knock on wood, but my meds seem to keep that kind of stuff away. I don’t want to ever experience it again. It can be devastatingly terrible, but also incredibly wonderful.

[Pinny]

Did ECT work for you @cool09 ?

I like others have said don’t believe psychosis and poor self image are intrinsically linked. I also don’t believe that I could articulate an appropriate thread like this if I were psychotic.

Antipsychotics are used in lots of different ways, for psychosis, for mood stabilisation, for sleep, for anxiety, for intrusive thoughts etc. Tbh, “antipsychotic” is a **** name for them.

What kind of therapy have you done and how have you engaged with it? For example doing the “homework” etc?

Take care

[Valcingetorix5150]

Negative self-image is not psychosis. Poor self esteem can come about by different causes. Psychosis is a break from reality. I’ve had psychotic bipolar episodes, and I can say that it like dreaming (including nightmares). The psychotic patient sees things, or hears things, or believes things that are not real. You cannot simply talk them out of it, because to the psychotic person, whatever they are believing, seeing, or hearing, it’s very real to them. Also, when you come out of it, there are usually gaps in memory, or the memories can be distorted. During one of my psychotic episodes, I remember a police officer talking to me for a couple of minutes at the hospital. In reality, he spoke to me for over an hour.

[Soupe du jour]

I think that sometimes you just don't know during it. For me, it depended on the episode and how far into my recovery I was. Occasionally the psychosis would ease a little during and I'd realize I had had some.

When I had severe mixed episodes with psychosis, I would sometimes get so frightened that I would seek help in some way. Especially when I had delusions of persecution. But seeking help doesn't always mean thinking what was "persecuting me" wasn't real.

As I got further into my recovery, I was better able to question my distorted thinking. It may have taken a little time in, and was only occasional. More so has my ability to identify hypomania and mania withOUT psychosis improved. I'd have moments when I could ask myself "Is this normal that I would be spending $X in two days?" Or, "Might those people have found me a bit over-the-top?" Actually, the latter question was often a result of people near me telling me something was not right. I would then be more able to acknowledge the problem. But again, that is more when psychosis was not yet present.

[The_little_didgee]

Can you define poor self image?

Originally Posted by Valcingetorix5150

Psychosis can sneak up on you. My only psychotic experiences are in the area of delusional thinking. During the actual psychotic episode, you don’t see yourself as doing anything weird or thinking anything weird. Everything seems very real. Later, when you are back to a ground state, there may be large gaps in your memory as actually what happened.

This is what happened to me as well. The bizarre thinking "sneaked" up on me. It really felt normal and rational at the time.

The hallucinations I experienced were a lot easier to challenge. In the beginning I knew they were not normal. As the illness progressed, the experiences became more frequent and impossible to ignore which made functioning difficult. E.g., I nearly flooded my apartment because I walked away from the sink while experiencing a hallucination. They were also the same theme as the delusional thinking. It was like they reinforced it.
.
Other symptoms of psychosis people noted in me was difficulty staying on topic, social withdrawal and profound agitation.

Sometimes medication can cause hallucinations, which has happened to me as well. This was different from psychosis and resembled more of a dream-like state without delusions.