[TheNack]

My 40-year-old son is Bipolar and was able to manage 22 years out on his own and now with a divorce, he has moved back home. I feel my home has been Hi-Jacked by my son and I need to know how to deal with another adult in the home and to set up boundaries.

As with most Bipolar 1 adults, he has substance abuse issues but was able to hold a job until recently He is highly educated and graduated from a good University but the stress of a BAD marriage has made him a mess.

Any suggestions on what to do? And how to manage my son.

[Nammu]

When I disappeared my parents joined a NAMI family support group. That helped them a lot. There’s also the depression bipolar support alliance organization. Now days everything is on line. You can google for those near you and you can also join zoom meetings. This can give you ways to support him without enabling him to give up.

I’d start by putting time limits on how long he can stay without getting a job and put consequences in place. It’s all too easy to just give up after a series of setbacks.

[Yaowen]

Sorry you are in the situation you mention. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the situation must be for you.

I know there are books and articles on living with those afflicted with bipolar disorder. Having not read them, I have no idea how helpful or unhelpful they would be.

Having your own professional therapist in your corner might be the most helpful thing, but not knowing more about the situation I couldn't offer this as "advice" and such an option has financial costs.

Many years ago I read a book entitled "How to Get Anyone to do Anything" or something like that. I read it and it certainly doesn't enable one to control social situations.

I did find however that it had many useful ideas on how one can use psychology to better the odds of having better outcomes in one's dealings with others in various situations.

Sorry I don't know the author or even if it is available in stores or online. Public libraries have something called inter-library loan where for a small fee [used to be $1] one can get books from other libraries if one's library doesn't have a book.

Fear can often be an effective way to set boundaries since a "no" "because you are scaring me" is not as potentially explosive as a "no" made in anger. The word "no" is commonly the key to boundary setting.

I am not in your shoes but have dealt with someone close who tended to invade my space. I used "you are scaring me" to set boundaries when a simple and bare "no" was not effective. But what works for one person often does not work for someone else and might even make a situation worse.

Since none of us here are professionals, I think one has to be careful with amateur advice and I include myself here. Unfortunately one sometimes gets what one pays for from amateurs offering advice.

It is difficult to know from what you have written what are the exact issues you are facing since your post sets out only the broad outlines of the problem. Not saying you should share anything that you don't want to share.

There are articles available on the internet on how to set boundaries. These are sometimes written by professional psychologists or psychiatrists. Have you browsed those? And if so, were they helpful to you?

There are online therapists available too although there are fees involved. Don't know the details of all that so I can't really recommend or not recommend it.

Is your son on meds and does he take them as prescribed? I think that can be a key element.

So sorry I am unable to be helpful to you especially when you are in the unhappy situation you describe. Hopefully other members here will have more helpful words for you. You deserve better! My heart goes out to you! ! !