[Aviza]

My psychiatrist says my depression is situational. I'm basically on my own to work through this. My daughter still isn't speaking to me and I'm really worried she never will. My psychiatrist says her reaction shows she too is dealing with mental illness because he called it an over reaction.

My mom is worried about me right now, and I'm trying to change my thinking but honestly I want to die. This life has been awful. No matter what I do it just gets worse. I really hate that I woke up this morning. Too much is happening in my life and I'm frozen.

I'm trying to distract myself. That helps a little. I have dbt group today but no one knows what to say to me. I can't cope with losing my daughter. I love her so much. I'm trying to tell myself to live for Jesus. That's not helping me either. I've made myself sick over this. I've lost my appetite. I don't know if I can survive this. She was my will to live.

[Soupe du jour]

@Aviza, perhaps it's just your depression telling you you'll never hear from your daughter. Please let a little time go by, and I bet you'll hear something from her. Not everyone holds permanent grudges for things. I think it takes an extreme amount for a child or parent to make such permanent breaks from each other.

I know when I'm depressed, I have catastrophic thinking. Also often black and white thinking. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help challenge these thought patterns. A therapist can help with that, or even CBT suggestions online.

I can understand your mom being worried about you. She loves you and wants you safe as much as you love your daughter and want her safe. Please take care of yourself, not just for others, but for you. You've clearly weathered many horrible storms in the past, but you are a survivor.

[Aviza]

Right now I'm struggling with wanting to die. My group leader pulled me aside to ask if I have a plan. Right now just begging God to take me out of this horrible life, really. My mom called me twice so far today, she's checking on me, I know.

I watched Joel Olsteen on youtube. It's helping sort of. But I really do want out of this life, it's been awful and no matter what I do it's getting worse.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Aviza

Right now I'm struggling with wanting to die. My group leader pulled me aside to ask if I have a plan. Right now just begging God to take me out of this horrible life, really. My mom called me twice so far today, she's checking on me, I know.

I watched Joel Olsteen on youtube. It's helping sort of. But I really do want out of this life, it's been awful and no matter what I do it's getting worse.

Aviza, the very worst thing that happened in my family was the death of my youngest nephew to depression. I can't tell you how severely that has affected my family, psychologically. I also know, for sure, that his depression would have lifted. It's never a solution to life's struggles. Please put this surely temporary rift between you and your daughter aside. As I wrote above (I hope you read it), it's most certainly temporary. We often grossly overestimate the severity of things when depressed. Also, people do forgive, even the worst of offenses.

I mentioned CBT above. I hope you consider some or reading up on how it can help. See Cognitive Distortions: 10 Examples of Distorted Thinking I'm posting this for you and for others.

[morgydog]

i don't know how old you are but from experience, i am 79, life does get better with major road bumps of course and more trauma. try as much as possible to rely on God or Jesus. shower yourself with SELF-COMPASSION PLEASE. Please tell us if it helps No beating yourself UP and as much self compassion as you can give yourself.
GET RIF OF ANYBODY WHO IS TOXIC.
BOBBY

[Rosi700]

@Aviza How are you doing. I am almost certain that some of us in this forum have had the same thoughts about that life is not worth living. So we know how you feel now!

We have overcome those feelings and thoughts. You can as well. Whatever hardships you are having right now, work your self out of them step by step. Find a little corner of you life and start there. You don't have to look at anything more than that small corner. That is your starting place. I'll post a link about how to cope now (and later). The phone numbers at the link is for UK. I'll post emergency numbers for USA after the link.

Just a moment...

USA -----> DBSA (google DBSA) has some numbers you can use. When you are over this crisis, you can probabably becoem a member of a group there (near you or online).

Love and ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[Aviza]

Well Jesus stepped in He breathed life into me and it took away my depression. He told me he has a plan, and my choices are why I am where I am, which I know but doesn't make me happy about my decision making.

But truth is I'm no longer depressed. I'm praying for resolution. And trying to trust Jesus, which hasn't been a strong suit with me. Which is why I believe he made that remark about my choices.

[Rosi700]

@Aviza so good to hear from you!