[Victoria'smom]

How do I learn to accept there's just simple things I will never have?

Because of my health I will never finish school. I'll never hold a job, own a home, or be more independent. I will forever need a caretaker, not have a back yard or walk in shower to be more independent. I can't even take my own dog out to the bathroom because of the steps and snow.

I wanted to get an educated and remote job and get off SSI. So I could get a home with a walk-in shower and a back yard so that I could let my ESA/service dog out. But staying at my parents house I realize my disabilities are just getting worse with age. I really wanted to gain my independence especially with what happened with my husband's health earlier this year. But it seems like it's just not going to happen. How do I accept this without getting depressed or hopeless?

[Yaowen]

Although I am not in the exact situation you are, I am in one that is rather miserable too.

I don't know the trick to getting to acceptance. I have a little trick of my own that gets me through distress though. Don't know if it would help you or anyone else for that matter, but I'll share it as something that helps me.

I have little post-it notes all around on which this little message is written: "Could be worse but isn't worse, thank goodness." Since I am a "could be better but isn't better" kind of person, I need these notes to give me some peace of mind.

Ok, I don't really have what I want and am not in an enviable situation.

But I don't have stage 4 cancer. I don't go to bed every night hungry and wake up wondering where my next meal will be? I don't have the ebola virus.

I could be lazier, messier, dumber, uglier, and a worse person than I am , but I'm not.

My surroundings stink but they could be much worse and they're not. I'm not living in a bunch of cardboard boxes held together with duct tape with all my few belongings in a grocery store shopping cart.

Thinking along these lines gives me more peace of mind and more joy of living. And I often end up with gratitude instead of attitude, appreciation rather than bitterness.

Is that acceptance? I have no idea.

I've been trying to expand that view outwards too. People and things in my life could be worse but are not. There are no Hitler's in my life, thank goodness. And I'm no Hitler.

Things and events in the world could be worse too, but they are not worse. Try to think this way when I read the news.

Yeah, sometimes things really stink, but they could stink more but don't.

I can't call this "optimism" because optimism is about the future and this is about everything, past, present and future.

Maybe I am wrong about all this. I am often wrong about things, that's for sure.

I hope you find things that help you. And I really hope other members here will have better ideas than my poor ones! Best to you!

[Victoria'smom]

Thank you, I'm acutely aware it could be worse but it's not. I'm trying to prevent it from becoming worse. But that doesn't seem to be working.

[insideoutsider]

Every single step we take with good intentions eventually builds on each other and eventually we "tip" in the right direction. It might be a while, it might be subtle, and honestly it might not ever come in the way we'd hope for - but the chances of good outcomes are the best when we make informed decisions. Hopefully that helps, it does for me sometimes, although I do get lazy and frustrated that it's not happening quick enough

[Victoria'smom]

I'm still struggling with "should". I passed that to my son too. Life is becoming painfully obvious what we can't do. Pdocs have no real solutions. Family wants me to make trouble with the neighbors because its unfair I can't use the back yard. I just want to move again but can't afford it. My mom is putting stipulations on me getting my service dog. And we're 0/2 for complete meltdowns at the store with my son. I've never felt this disabled in my life.