[LadyShadow]

So, I've been around this site for well over a decade. I have come and gone, but I always come back here to post sometimes because this was always a safe space for me. I just want to let you know that if you're struggling, if you feel you cannot win with your mental illness, if you feel like you're falling so hard you can't breathe, if you're in the middle of that insane manic episode that robbed you everything for the hundredth time - there is peace coming soon.

I used to come to this site in my worst shape ever. Extremely depressed or extremely manic, not knowing what it would be like one day to the other, or what hospital I would end up in because I couldn't get a grip on reality. It was SO bad for SO long that it took 10 months in jail, and then 18 months in rehab to finally realize that my mental health was directly affected by my substance abuse which I didn't even take into consideration. That with correcting my sleep apnea, and now getting a full 8 hours of sleep was the beginning of my success.

Sleep is so important to those of us with bipolar!

This week has been groundbreaking. I finally have my own place waiting for my husband to come home after being apart for three years. I cried in Lowe's today when I was buying a hammer and nails to hang a mirror for my bedroom. I cried because I have been decorating my place and making it a home. I have a home now after being homeless and losing everything.

I was even banned from this site at one time - that's how bad shape I was in. I can't even believe i was that was even me, or I was even that person.

But there is hope in your bipolar haze. There is hope in your despair. I am living proof. Send me a message if you ever need to talk - one thing I learned in recovery (sober 2 and a half years now), it's that you only achieve what you have only by giving it away.

Today this is my freedom - My new safe space for evenings:

[Exoskeleton]

I really needed to read this today. Thank you. And congratulations on all that you have achieved

[LadyShadow]

@Exoskeleton I am glad you liked my story! Anytime you need anything I am just a message away. I felt I needed to share tonight, because I was reading over my past blogs and didn't realize how bad it really was at one time. I can't imagine ever being there again. There is hope my friend!

[Nammu]

Congratulations on your new home. I’ve been wondering what happened to you. You moved!

[LadyShadow]

@Nammu I did move! I know last time I was here I was at the rehab still. It was SO hard. Finally, things are coming back together. Good to see you too.

Oh I meant to tell you too, if you have PlutoTV (free TV app) you can get 24/7 Star Trek the Next Generation and Star Trek Voyager/Deep Space Nine. They have 2 channels dedicated to Star Trek for free! Also, a lot of cool free channels that you might like. Check it out!

[Nammu]

Oo I’ll have to check into Pluto tv! 24/7 would be great for when there’s nothing on. My daughter is giving me Hulu no not Hulu, I forget now what she called it. Her husband is coming to install it on the tv then I can stream things on TV. I’ll be able to download the service that has the new Star Trek shows! But of course I’ll always love the original best.

[LadyShadow]

@Nammu I think the one that has all the Star Trek is Paramount+ I have that too but the $5.99 plan with commercials. But PlutoTV is absolutely free to stream. They have a ton of old shows too, and what I like about it is that it's like cable, there is a guide for all the channels so it's like free cable. The Star Trek channel also shows TOS when they are not showing TNG.

[Nammu]

Yes that one. They are also giving me passcodes to some things so I don’t have to pay for them. I’m hoping to get bbc or acorn too so I can watch Dr Who again. There’s got to be someplace I can see dr who. I think Netflix has the crown which I’m hoping to see. The nice thing according to her is that it’s all on demand so I can watch shows whenever I want instead of when it airs.

I googled Pluto tv, it has captions too! Cool

[divine1966]

Wonderful news. You are an inspiration.

Oh I love your coffee table. It’s adorable

[insideoutsider]

That table and couch cushion are bad assss love it