Bipolar Check-in #79

Had my appointment today to check my blood pressure. It's fine. Whew! I was really anxious about it. Scheduled an appointment for next Wednesday to talk about my weight and see what Dr Amy thinks about me potentially going on Contrave. I don't want to go on any weight loss meds that require injecting myself with anything. We'll see what she says. I think she's just going to tell me to diet and exercise more, but whatever. Doesn't hurt to ask.

I fell asleep for an hour. I don't really feel good. I'm still feeling kinda gross even after sleeping.

I just try heaved a bit and then took a couple Tums. I haven't had any coffee today but I've had a few sodas.

Update: I just threw up a shyt ton of bile and a mini babybel cheese. Yeah my stomach felt like my gallbladder was on fire all day.

I got super pissed because of all the pain I was in and I was also really anxious and then once I threw up my moods and anxiety got much better Idk if its a bug or the same stomach stuff. I seem to throw up about once a week

Kinda drowsy. Possibly dehydration.

I am glad that your BP is normal! indeed, what a relief.

I was afraid of injecting myself before I started Ozempic in 2022, but it turned out to be painless. Just to let you know. As a side note, I think with your BMI you are (thankfully) not heavy enough to be started on Ozempic or Mounjaro. But needle pricks, they are completely OK.

@raspberrytorte

12 days til I say I do. 6 days til we start moving to our new apt! tomorrow thank God I see my t tomorrow. then i see endocrinologist wednesday and man my labs are BAD! my a1c is still too high despite losing 40lbs since november. im not looking forward to the visit. i dropped my biterm B class. and i have to finish my application to new school. granny comes home fro rehab tomorrow! and im feeling just ok.

Has a1c not come down at all despite your dropping 40 lbs?

I just checked my BMI. I'm a little bit obese (not by much though. My BMI is 31). Ugh. I hate getting old! I gotta do something about this. This is completely unacceptable. I blame seroquel! Stupid seroquel. Making me a fat ***. My husband and I have started going on daily walks. Hopefully that helps a little bit. And obviously I'm watching what I eat.

I don't know what my GP is going to say. I'm not sure if I'm quite fat enough for a weight loss pill. If she doesn't prescribe me it, I'm talking to my pdoc about going on a tiny bit of wellbutrin and taking me off topamax (because it's not doing anything). I lost a lot of weight last time I was on wellbutrin. Of course, I wasn't on seroquel at the time, so I don't know.

Ugh. This all started when I got my hernia repair surgery! I gained twenty pounds after that surgery and can't seem to lose it unfortunately.

BOOHOO.

The thought of injecting myself with something everyday still makes me cringe, even if you say it doesn't hurt. I'd rather not do that!

You inject weekly, not daily, though.

Oh I see. That doesn't sound as bad then I guess. For some reason I was thinking it was everyday.

I went to the gym today. It was a tough workout.

My balance is a problem, especially on my left side. I guess my meds have an influence on my balance.

I sent my gene sample in to test for meds and they said it'll take about 10 days to get the results.

I had a really odd night last night. Sleep was really strange with strange dreams and it was short...only 7.5 hours when I usually get 9-10 hours. It was the first night on the last 50 mg of Seroquel - 6 more doses left.

I'm having passive SH thoughts. No plan or anything, unlike last year.

Nirvana, good for all occasions

I just got out of the ER for coffee ground vomit. They gave me a bunch of IV meds/fluids and want me to follow up with gastro.

Oh I also called the police this morning because I’m a paranoid ****. Help me lol I hope they don’t find the guy I thought was following me.

Oh and I’m hallucinating again. 😁

I'm just kind of cranky today. I slept fine last night and then I got up at 5 and fell back asleep from 6:15 to 7:30. My stomach is on and off. I took a bunch of stuff 45 minutes ago. I went out of the house and I was fine with my anxiety. I'm just ornery today and I wonder if my dose of one of my meds is too low based on my current weight. I think that can happen.

I'm kinda depressed and a bit S right now. I wonder if I should just suck up the anxiety and take the wellbutrin.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling so much, muddyboots. I hope you can get back on track soon but I understand it will be difficult. I’ll send out good vibes. I know it’s not much but I do hope the best for you.

I’m doing well. My therapist told me to set an 8 week appt for my next ECT even though I wanted to stop completely. I guess I’ll set the appt and cancel nearer to it if I want. No one’s really supporting me in my decision to stop except the ECT dr. Everyone in my personal life just thinks I’ll backslide and get hospitalized again. But no one has actually done ECT. They don’t know what I’m physically and mentally going through. You can never understand unless you’ve been there. I know it works so I wouldn’t be averse to it in the future if I needed another series but I need a break at least. Maybe get some of my memory back. I have been out of the hospital one year on Saturday. And I haven’t self harmed in nearly two years. I think everyone thinks it’s just like a med, you have to just put up with the side effects. But it’s affecting my quality of life. Some meds you can’t stay on no matter how well they work. But mentally stable people don’t know or understand that.

Sigh. Beyond that I’m doing well. I even entertained the idea of going back to school for my special ed certification and becoming a teacher again. I went so far as to look up colleges that offer the program online. I found one that looks good but I need to talk to someone there for more information. Then I thought maybe I should wait to see if I can make it a year stable with no ECT. As an assistant I can take off when needed but as a teacher it’s more difficult to take off. So I’m definitely going to wait and think about it more. Never have I been successful as a teacher, always had to take time off for my mental health, but I am in a different place now with a lot more therapeutic skills and less unprocessed trauma. Idk. I don’t really want to pay for it (13k) and then find out I just can’t do it. I would feel like such a loser. I already kinda do. Trying and failing again would just be icing on the loser cake.

I really wish I could be a teacher, I really enjoyed it. I enjoy being an assistant too but being a teacher was fun in some ways. I think I could teach an autism or MD self contained class. I know I could in my current school with my current principal but I’m sure he’ll retire soon, who knows what type of admin we’ll have next. Admin really makes or breaks it.

I wish my brain was different.

It was nice weather so i got outside for some fresh air and sunshine. I didn't really enjoy it tho. I cancelled my appointment to discuss Caplyta with my doctor's replacement. I don't feel like talking about it with anyone but him, so it'll have to wait.

@wildflowerchild25:

Good to hear from you. You sound good.

Picked up my meds including Loxipene (how ever spell it). My mouth is still dry. Been using the dry mouth lozenges and drink water but neither lasts very long. I see my case manager tomorrow and then Thursday I see my Pdoc for a follow up on my inpatient experience.

Due to some strange dosage adjustment to my scheduled seroquel (that's not an increase) due to the dosage of my prn seroquel and my insurance coverage, I'm going to have an excessive amount of seroquel after I go to the pharmacy tomorrow. I'm not going to abuse it though. I am DETERMINED not to. Even if I now easily could and get away with it. I'd rather have extra just incase something happens in the future where I need it.

Besides, seroquel is making me obeeeeese.

On Sunday my husband and I are going on our anniversary getaway. Seeing a show in Madison and spending the night. I'm really excited for this concert!!! Front Line Assembly, Gary Numan and Ministry. It'll be nice to get out of town for a bit, just the two of us. I am most happy 😊.

Ya know that you have to eat at least 350 calories with the geodon in order for it to work.
can you eat a full meal at 5pm?
bizi

Kind of an up and down day. Stood up way too late last night talking to someone on the phone because I was agonizing on my ex going missing again. His addiction is so powerful, and he refuses to admit it. Nothing can be done to help him anymore, but it is affecting me so much because I am always expecting a phone that he overdosed somewhere. I hate to think that way, but I don't know why he insists on doing this to himself and hurting everyone around him. Suffice to say my sleep has been disturbed and I feel like I am going in an episode.

Just thought I would come out and say hello to all of you good people.
and offer hugs to those who could use them.
((((((((HUGS))))))))
bizi

Another sleepless night. Sigh. Oh well. Got four hours of sleep 😴. Good for for me. Seeing my therapist this morning. Have commitment papers to sign. Not going to fight them in court. Just going along with it again. At this point I've pretty much given up on ever getting my freedom back. Oh well. Whatever I guess.