Bipolar Check-in #79

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this @MuddyBoots. You're in my thoughts.

Yes this is an excellent documentary! I have seen it a number of times with friends or whoever was over at the time and don't get bored with it.

So I started Vraylar this morning. First dose, and nothing happened so at least I know I'm not allergic to it.

Fingers crossed that it helps!

I’m at a coffee shop with N3 and his girlfriend. They’re both in community college but the gf is playing video games while N3 does Calculus 3 homework. He was trying to explain the current problem he’s working on- in INK!- but it really all goes above my head. I got through high school algebra but failed Algebra 2 and that’s as far as I’ve gone in math. It’s been a long time since I’ve done any math myself’. I’ve heard that bipolar disorder makes math difficult. It’s certainly the case for me.

I'm feeling better today although right now things are kinda rough. I slept fine and my throat has been decent. I'm mainly just tired. I have therapy tommorow and I don't know if she'll be a baby and switch it to remote. I also don't know how long I'm contagious for but everyone in my house and my sisters house are still fine. I'd be fine in 24 hours to do an in person session. But I'll leave it up to her.

I got a new toothbrush, like I was told to do. I think I have to wait another 24 hours before using it. But in general I'm doing much better. I could use a couple hours nap though.

Mental health wise I'm fine. All these kooky episodes I get always happen right before I'm about to get sick. Then afterwards I'm better mental health wise.

I'm tired as FUKK. Coming down from my high. This morning my husband told me I seem more back down to earth. I'm not depressed or anything. Just very tired. Got six hours of sleep last night and took another nap this morning. Would be napping right now but my daughter has an orchestra concert.

Damn though. I was high for awhile there and didn't even really realize it. Great insight, raspberry. Hopefully my sleep schedule goes back to normal now.

In my very lengthy experience (but a long time ago), American doctors are not prevention-oriented when it comes to yeast and antibiotics. They prefer to treat yeast infections after they occur.

Interesting. Do you have a source for it? @Moose72

I used to be great at math and stats pre-dix but in the past 10 or more years (after the dx), I simply cannot. I wonder if this worsening is related to my bipolar which was fairly late onset.

Feeling down still about my third denial of disability. I guess It's time for me to figure out another way.

Overall I'm OK I guess.

Have you ever been in front of an Administrative Law judge (ALJ)?

@Brentus

@Tart Cherry Jam , yes. This last denial was from a ALJ.

Plodding along since my mini stroke last week. Juts rnr at home. Can’t drive for 2 weeks so it does get a tad boring because I’m confined to the house. See my gp this weekend for results of MRI. CT scan at the hospital was clear so I’m not expecting much from the MRI to be honest.

Very, very sorry to hear that. Is there any avenue of appeal of the ALJ's decision? Who represented you in front of the ALJ?

I represented myself. I know everyone says I should get a lawyer. I guess thats my only option but I don't like the idea of it. A lawyer doesnt make me any more or less disabled, after all.

I can appeal the judge's decision. I have 65 days to decide if I want to. I'll take the letter i get in the mail to a lawyer and see what they think.

No source unfortunately. Math just goes over my head. It really is another language!

My mom is requiring my help again. Her COBRA insurance got cancelled for nonpayment. Apparently they didn’t get her check in time even though she swears she sent it. I don’t doubt that she did but it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for her to send it at the last minute and miss the deadline. So now I have to walk her through getting health insurance through the marketplace. It’s not really a big deal, but sometimes I get frustrated with her for being so helpless. Knowing that I’m going to have to do her adult tasks for her for the rest of her life is wearing. Especially when she doesn’t help herself in the least. She won’t look for her w-2s so I can get her taxes done for her (she hasn’t filed in four years). She won’t try to clean out her hoarder’s house. She won’t make any attempt to look at apartments with me so I can get her out of the house she has let fall into complete disrepair. Like how much can I really do if she’s not willing to participate? Grandma tells me to “nudge” and push her but I’m tired of trying to get a grown adult to do things. She has severe depression and anxiety and I totally understand that obviously. But at some point you have to TRY. She is on meds finally and was in therapy, unfortunately her therapist left the practice so now she has to find a new one. Which is crushing, I know, I’ve had to do that and it sucks, especially after you’ve developed a rapport with someone.

It’s also trauma for me because not once has she been a functional adult aside from being able to hold a job. Which is big for someone like her but still, I had to raise myself. I had to figure out life for myself. And I guess because I’m so strongly independent I can’t understand needing so much help for what I think are relatively simple tasks.

It’s also not fun that my brother is estranged from us so wouldn’t be willing to help her. When my grandmother passes it will all fall on me.

At least I’m in a good emotional place finally and CAN help her. Took a lot of work to get here.

@Brentus:

Bravo for being so matter of fact about seeing a lawyer. I hope they are as helpful to you as mine was to me.

@wildflowerchild25:

It's good of you to help your mom. It's too bad she's so helpless. I'm glad to hear you take pride in your own independence. I'm really independent too. It's a great way to be!

Sinking so low that I can't find my way out. It's the second day of no-contact with my husband and his mother. I decided to back away because of all the back and forth that has been going on with him being arrested, back using in the streets and all the disappearing and just showing up after days missing. This finality of it is traumatic. I invested so much into this man and his family, and it failed miserably. I feel so horrible, and I didn't think it would affect me this way., but it really does. What I am feeling is heartbreak, and it's just awful.

Living alone during all of this is the hardest part. But I am learning to be grateful for all that I have and realizing that maybe I just needed a day to just CRY ALL DAMN DAY like I did. Sometimes you just need that.

Oh, math is my strongest subject. I am still incredibly good at numbers even after my diagnosis, it's how I make a living to this day.

So I believe Victoria has psychosis. Finally got her to shower. Finally told h about it. He's not taking it well. We're going to see if her therapist has a sliding scale fee so she can do both PHP and therapy. That and she just started classes again this week. I hate this for her. Her therapist doesn't think it's psychosis I hope I'm wrong. I took a shower tonight too. H doesn't understand how I can be so okay about everything but I'm in fight mode. I'm not okay I need a therapist. I have to take everything in stride or I won't know things that will save her life. I don't want this illness and I don't want my daughter to have this illness. I don't know how to get her Dr to take her seriously. Poor girl needs help and we're here watching her discover things she thought were normal. I'm lost.

It is virtually impossible to win an appeal or to even appear before the AJL self-represented and win. Everyone who was telling you to get a lawyer was correct.

The only time not to get a lawyer, if you so prefer, is in the very first phase of the application. Then, if you win, you will not need to share any part of the benefit payment with the lawyer. But after the first failure (not the 3rd one, unlike in your case, but the 1st one), one must get a lawyer.

Whether you like or do not like the idea of having a lawyer is irrelevant. Your feelings about it are irrelevant. The only relevant part is the reality, the statistics. You can hire a lawyer and continue feeling the feelings, i.e. not liking the fact that you have engaged a lawyer, but you should not continue self-represented because it would be futile. You do not have to even like the lawyer, you just need to have a competent and seasoned advocate by your side.

So at this point, since you still have one avenue of appeal before you, a lawyer is an absolute must. And timing is of the essence.