Bipolar Check-in #79

Mountaindewed · 12:22 PM

I fell asleep yesterday around noon for an hour and I woke up feeling totally fine both stomach wise and anxiety wise. I didn't have any coffee or matcha or soda all day. Just water and a coconut Bai later that night. Then I slept really good since I didn't have much caffeine. I'm guessing all the coffee I was drinking wasn't great on my stomach. Anxiety wise I'm doing fine, my anxiety actually seems less then it was before, and I'm down about 3 pounds since last Monday or Tuesday. I'm still not very motivated to do much.

My mom thinks I'm so tired from the med I had to go down on that I'm in the process of trying to switch to a different kind. I haven't heard back from the speciailty pharamacy yet.

I'm just lying in bed because I feel very tired but I stopped watching CNN at least. The whole nuclear space missle did it for me and now I don't want to know whats going on anymore in the world.

MuddyBoots · Feb 18, 2024 at 10:16 AM

95mph on the highway after taking four klonopin slaloming around everyone else and draining my bank account is how I’m spending my morning.

MuddyBoots · Feb 18, 2024 at 06:28 PM

Sittin at the bus station even though no more buses. Bought a knife because I wanna die but what else is new?

JaneOnceMore · Feb 18, 2024 at 07:05 PM

Slept-in in the morning and dozed all afternoon with "Ozark" playing. Not feeling too happy with myself. I managed a bit of exercise tho. What kind of life is this? In the single digits (nine days) til payday tho. That's something.

"If laziness was an Olympic sport, i would come in fourth, so i wouldn't have to walk up to the podium!"

raspberrytorte · 10:58 PM

Damn. This sickness and the meds for it have me completely wiped out. I hacked up a lung in the morning, but haven't coughed all day thankfully. I've just been sleeping and resting. I'm mentally and physically drained. Dishes need to be done. Sigh. I'm just laying here, working up the energy to do them! I also should probably get my *** in the shower, but I don't have the energy to do that either.

Damn it. I almost forgot. I have to fill out my pill box for the week too. Ugh!!!!

Editing raspberry coming in: I filled out my pill box for the week and did the dishes, but sadly never got my fat *** in the shower. Oh well. At least I did two of the things on my list!

Mountaindewed · 06:38 AM

I legit slept from 2:30PM-11:30PM. I don't feel too depressed. Just really lacking energy and I'm feeling pretty moody. My mom is giving me a hard time about everything all of a sudden. Weird stuff like how I'm not talking properly to doctors and how I cut in front of the guy in the grocery store when he wasn't paying attention. But she is never nice to fast food workers or people on the phone and I don't get it. I got coffee yesterday and I wanted to tell her before we pulled up to be nice to the girl but I held back and of course my mom was rude to her. I want to go to the mall in the morning but she'll probably give me a hard time about that too. Its just been frustrating to deal with her lately since shes so nagging. And she can't hear well anymore so she keeps thinking I'm saying these really rude things to her when I've never talked to her like that so why would I start now.

Edit: I was just sleeping for another 3 or so hours. I can take a shower in a few minutes

raspberrytorte · Feb 19, 2024 at 08:39 AM

I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2AM. I've been trying to fall back asleep since 4AM, but I ate breakfast and took my steroid (because I'm supposed to take it with food) and I'm WIDE AWAKE. For the love of Pete! This is ridiculous. I took a seroquel or three and my morning meds. Hoping that'll all knock me out soon because two hours of sleep is unacceptable. I swear I've never felt more awake in my life!!!! Oh my god! Wtf are they trying to do to me?! I even took that 300mg of seroquel an hour ago now and it hasn't even phased me yet.

At least I only have one more day left of the steroid. Whew! Thank god. 😊

MuddyBoots · Feb 19, 2024 at 05:19 PM

Im not even drinking or drugging but if a cop followed me around I would not have the illusion of freedom.

It’s okay. I have a plan if they approach. The pastor was saying how this year is going to be the shiitiest bull shyyt if all the shyt that is American politics. Amen to that brothah. It’s funny because I partly grew up in the south so I kinda have a slight Appalachian twinge to my Bostonian accent so it’s like a civil war going on in my mouth. Even my accents are bipolar. I’m not though. I’m tripolar. Manic? Yeah. Depression? Yeah. Alien parasites? FCK YEAH BYTCHES!!!!!

sooo yeah I napped at someone’s house yesterday and when I woke up they said the hospital told them they had the flu.

Mountaindewed · 07:40 PM

I think I'm just a statistic who transitioned too fast. I had my ovaries removed though so theres no luck in getting off my hormones. My bones are aching already at this low dose. Things just seemed easier in 2019 when I was a gender non confirming androgyuous dressing person. Idk whats wrong with me now.

Possible trigger:

I took 44 mil of melatonin. So I'm hopinv just to crash for the night

Possible trigger:

I don't want to be here anymore. Wtf is wrong with me?

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 19, 2024 at 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I think I'm just a statistic who transitioned too fast. I had my ovaries removed though so theres no luck in getting off my hormones. My bones are aching already at this low dose. Things just seemed easier in 2019 when I was a gender non confirming androgyuous dressing person. Idk whats wrong with me now.

Possible trigger:

I took 44 mil of melatonin. So I'm hopinv just to crash for the night

Possible trigger:

I don't want to be here anymore. Wtf is wrong with me?

Forgive me for not understanding this but why were you taken off lamictal? I understand why the Pristiq was changed out but I can't help but think that after being on lamictal so long that going off it would be likely to really mess you up. I don't know how long it takes for your body to really recover from that change but it can't be easy for your brain to suddenly be missing chemicals it's had for years.

If there wasn't a specific reason would your pdoc (and you) consider resuming it? It seems like for people who can tolerate it it's such a basic med and generally a helpful one. Depression symptoms without it would be expected for some time.

JaneOnceMore · Feb 19, 2024 at 09:22 PM

I exercised for the third day in a row. I did strength training again today. I know cardio doesn't make me lose weight in menopause, but i've never tried strength training in menopause. We'll see!

I had lots of energy after exercising and did a bunch of tidying. It looks nice!

raspberrytorte · Feb 19, 2024 at 11:06 PM

@Mountaindewed

I agree with @BeyondtheRainbow. Is there anyway you could start your Lamictal again? It shouldn't have been causing you any weight gain. I've been on it the same length of time as you and when I went off it (because I'm stupid and thought I didn't need it! Not because my pdoc told me to) I overall felt weird and depressed and dejected, so maybe it's a med that you need. I definitely found out it's a med I need. I feel MUCH better now that I'm back on it. Just my experience. Just a thought. Maybe talk to your pdoc about it. I hate to see you struggling so much.

(((Hugs)))

raspberrytorte · Feb 19, 2024 at 11:23 PM

Slowly starting to get better. Only coughed a little bit today. Just overall feeling sick now, so I'm laying low. I need to quit vaping. Lord help me! I have some nicotine gum (yes. I realize I have a nicotine problem! Lol). I could start quitting tomorrow morning. It makes me feel yucky now, and this whole pneumonia thing has me spooked, and I'm getting too old for this ****.

Mountaindewed · Feb 20, 2024 at 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Forgive me for not understanding this but why were you taken off lamictal? I understand why the Pristiq was changed out but I can't help but think that after being on lamictal so long that going off it would be likely to really mess you up. I don't know how long it takes for your body to really recover from that change but it can't be easy for your brain to suddenly be missing chemicals it's had for years.

If there wasn't a specific reason would your pdoc (and you) consider resuming it? It seems like for people who can tolerate it it's such a basic med and generally a helpful one. Depression symptoms without it would be expected for some time.

He said I couldn't be on both lamictal and wellbutrin. He didn't explain why. When I kept asking questions he brought up our patient doctor relationship and said maybe it wouldnt work if I didnt take his suggestions.

raspberrytorte · Feb 20, 2024 at 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

He said I couldn't be on both lamictal and wellbutrin. He didn't explain why. When I kept asking questions he brought up our patient doctor relationship and said maybe it wouldnt work if I didnt take his suggestions.

Get a new doctor.

I was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal at the same time for awhile.

Mountaindewed · Feb 20, 2024 at 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Get a new doctor.

I was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal at the same time for awhile.

I'm thinking about it. My insurance is limited when it comes to mental health care and my last therapist told me she knows of only one good pdoc in the area. So I'd have to check it out.

Today is a lot better but I think I OD on pepcid and dramamine. I'm kinda woozy right now

raspberrytorte · Feb 20, 2024 at 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I'm thinking about it. My insurance is limited when it comes to mental health care and my last therapist told me she knows of only one good pdoc in the area. So I'd have to check it out.

Today is a lot better but I think I OD on pepcid and dramamine. I'm kinda woozy right now

Do you think you need to go to the hospital?

Mountaindewed · Feb 20, 2024 at 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Get a new doctor.

I was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal at the same time for awhile.

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Do you think you need to go to the hospital?

No because then they would probably end up sending me IP even if it wasn't for mental health reasons. Accidentl ODs can land you in the psych hospital just as well.

I'm best just sleeping it off and trying to figure things out when I can think clearer

Mountaindewed · Feb 20, 2024 at 02:33 PM

Ok I just left a message for my pdocs office asking if I could go back on the lamictal and also stay on the wellbutrin. I think I really need it now.

raspberrytorte · Feb 20, 2024 at 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Ok I just left a message for my pdocs office asking if I could go back on the lamictal and also stay on the wellbutrin. I think I really need it now.

That's good. I think you'll feel MUCH better once you're back on your Lamictal. Hopefully your psychiatrist isn't a prick about it.

Editing raspberry coming in: Did you say you're having a lot of difficulty being off it and have been depressed and unstable?

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Bipolar Check-in #79

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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,142 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,848 hugs given	Feb 18, 2024 at 10:16 AM #22 95mph on the highway after taking four klonopin slaloming around everyone else and draining my bank account is how I’m spending my morning. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,142 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,848 hugs given	Feb 18, 2024 at 06:28 PM #23 Sittin at the bus station even though no more buses. Bought a knife because I wanna die but what else is new? __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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JaneOnceMore Member Member Since Feb 2023 Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names Posts: 355 1 2,151 hugs given	Feb 18, 2024 at 07:05 PM #24 Slept-in in the morning and dozed all afternoon with "Ozark" playing. Not feeling too happy with myself. I managed a bit of exercise tho. What kind of life is this? In the single digits (nine days) til payday tho. That's something. "If laziness was an Olympic sport, i would come in fourth, so i wouldn't have to walk up to the podium!"
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JaneOnceMore Member Member Since Feb 2023 Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names Posts: 355 1 2,151 hugs given	Feb 19, 2024 at 09:22 PM #31 I exercised for the third day in a row. I did strength training again today. I know cardio doesn't make me lose weight in menopause, but i've never tried strength training in menopause. We'll see! I had lots of energy after exercising and did a bunch of tidying. It looks nice!
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,226 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,779 hugs given	Feb 20, 2024 at 02:33 PM #39 Ok I just left a message for my pdocs office asking if I could go back on the lamictal and also stay on the wellbutrin. I think I really need it now. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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