Bipolar Check-in #79

I legit slept from 2:30PM-11:30PM. I don't feel too depressed. Just really lacking energy and I'm feeling pretty moody. My mom is giving me a hard time about everything all of a sudden. Weird stuff like how I'm not talking properly to doctors and how I cut in front of the guy in the grocery store when he wasn't paying attention. But she is never nice to fast food workers or people on the phone and I don't get it. I got coffee yesterday and I wanted to tell her before we pulled up to be nice to the girl but I held back and of course my mom was rude to her. I want to go to the mall in the morning but she'll probably give me a hard time about that too. Its just been frustrating to deal with her lately since shes so nagging. And she can't hear well anymore so she keeps thinking I'm saying these really rude things to her when I've never talked to her like that so why would I start now.

Edit: I was just sleeping for another 3 or so hours. I can take a shower in a few minutes

I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2AM. I've been trying to fall back asleep since 4AM, but I ate breakfast and took my steroid (because I'm supposed to take it with food) and I'm WIDE AWAKE. For the love of Pete! This is ridiculous. I took a seroquel or three and my morning meds. Hoping that'll all knock me out soon because two hours of sleep is unacceptable. I swear I've never felt more awake in my life!!!! Oh my god! Wtf are they trying to do to me?! I even took that 300mg of seroquel an hour ago now and it hasn't even phased me yet.

At least I only have one more day left of the steroid. Whew! Thank god. 😊

Im not even drinking or drugging but if a cop followed me around I would not have the illusion of freedom.

It’s okay. I have a plan if they approach. The pastor was saying how this year is going to be the shiitiest bull shyyt if all the shyt that is American politics. Amen to that brothah. It’s funny because I partly grew up in the south so I kinda have a slight Appalachian twinge to my Bostonian accent so it’s like a civil war going on in my mouth. Even my accents are bipolar. I’m not though. I’m tripolar. Manic? Yeah. Depression? Yeah. Alien parasites? FCK YEAH BYTCHES!!!!!

sooo yeah I napped at someone’s house yesterday and when I woke up they said the hospital told them they had the flu.

I think I'm just a statistic who transitioned too fast. I had my ovaries removed though so theres no luck in getting off my hormones. My bones are aching already at this low dose. Things just seemed easier in 2019 when I was a gender non confirming androgyuous dressing person. Idk whats wrong with me now.

Forgive me for not understanding this but why were you taken off lamictal? I understand why the Pristiq was changed out but I can't help but think that after being on lamictal so long that going off it would be likely to really mess you up. I don't know how long it takes for your body to really recover from that change but it can't be easy for your brain to suddenly be missing chemicals it's had for years.


If there wasn't a specific reason would your pdoc (and you) consider resuming it? It seems like for people who can tolerate it it's such a basic med and generally a helpful one. Depression symptoms without it would be expected for some time.

I exercised for the third day in a row. I did strength training again today. I know cardio doesn't make me lose weight in menopause, but i've never tried strength training in menopause. We'll see!

I had lots of energy after exercising and did a bunch of tidying. It looks nice!

@Mountaindewed

I agree with @BeyondtheRainbow. Is there anyway you could start your Lamictal again? It shouldn't have been causing you any weight gain. I've been on it the same length of time as you and when I went off it (because I'm stupid and thought I didn't need it! Not because my pdoc told me to) I overall felt weird and depressed and dejected, so maybe it's a med that you need. I definitely found out it's a med I need. I feel MUCH better now that I'm back on it. Just my experience. Just a thought. Maybe talk to your pdoc about it. I hate to see you struggling so much.

(((Hugs)))

Slowly starting to get better. Only coughed a little bit today. Just overall feeling sick now, so I'm laying low. I need to quit vaping. Lord help me! I have some nicotine gum (yes. I realize I have a nicotine problem! Lol). I could start quitting tomorrow morning. It makes me feel yucky now, and this whole pneumonia thing has me spooked, and I'm getting too old for this ****.

He said I couldn't be on both lamictal and wellbutrin. He didn't explain why. When I kept asking questions he brought up our patient doctor relationship and said maybe it wouldnt work if I didnt take his suggestions.

Get a new doctor.

I was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal at the same time for awhile.

I'm thinking about it. My insurance is limited when it comes to mental health care and my last therapist told me she knows of only one good pdoc in the area. So I'd have to check it out.

Today is a lot better but I think I OD on pepcid and dramamine. I'm kinda woozy right now

Do you think you need to go to the hospital?

No because then they would probably end up sending me IP even if it wasn't for mental health reasons. Accidentl ODs can land you in the psych hospital just as well.

I'm best just sleeping it off and trying to figure things out when I can think clearer

Ok I just left a message for my pdocs office asking if I could go back on the lamictal and also stay on the wellbutrin. I think I really need it now.

That's good. I think you'll feel MUCH better once you're back on your Lamictal. Hopefully your psychiatrist isn't a prick about it.

Editing raspberry coming in: Did you say you're having a lot of difficulty being off it and have been depressed and unstable?

I went down on a lower non psych med but I'm back up on that while I figure out insurance stuff. So hopefully things will work out with that med.

But yeah today I feel a bit unstable and moody today. Hopefully he lets me back on the lamictal

I hope so too. Regardless of what he says you can be on both wellbutrin and Lamictal at the same time. Like I said, at one point, I was on both at the same time. Lamictal is actually the longest med I've ever been on and I fear I may have messed up my brain permanently from it (as in, I'll never be able to function now without it). It's okay though I guess. I mean, it doesn't give me any side effects or impact me negatively in anyway.

If now you're just on geodon, propranolol, diazepam and wellbutrin I can see why you'd feel moody and unstable. You really should have a mood stabilizer, but that's just my opinion.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon and have a good day.

Oh, and I understand how hard it is to find a psychiatrist that isn't a complete asshat. It's easier said than done to find a new psychiatrist. I wish you luck.

Oh, and, STAY AWAY FROM PILLS!!!

My pdoc is pissed. And he wants to meet with me next Tuesday because he won't make med changes over the phone. Not good. I'm thinking of just making the several hour journey to see him in person. But yeah I think I pissed him off quite a bit and all I said was the wellbutrin was working out for my depression and I wanted to stay on it but I felt like I needed the lamictal back for my moods.

Oh dear... I don't know if this is possible, but can you just say **** you to this man and have your GP write your scripts while you find a new pdoc?

Just a thought.

This pdoc seems like an insufferable man to work with.

Anyway, so I'm starting to feel much better. Cough has gone away. I'm done with the steroid (thankfully. Jeez Louise!). Just have a whole lot more antibiotics to take. My sleep is still shyt though. Only got an hour and a half last night. I blame our warmer than average temperatures. It feels like spring outside, minus chirping ****s (aka birds). I just can't ****ing SLEEP. It's so FRUSTRATING. Even with my seroquel I can't! I need a stronger sleep aid or something, but I don't see my psychiatrist until April 2nd sadly. I may just call beginning of March when he gets back from vacation and tell them I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT.

I get anxious every night before bed now because I KNOW it's going to be the same thing. I'm going to wake up at midnight or 1AM and not be able to fall back asleep. And I'm almost out of my prn seroquel, not that it works that well anymore anyway. I just want to sleep like a normal person! Is that too much to ask?!

Seriously, first Monday of March I'm calling and saying I can't sleep.

Sorry about the sleep rant. Lol.

I visited my granny in rehab and had dinner with her today.
Its been
Over two
Weeks and I miss her. My asshole uncle who does nothing for her is coming up tomorrow. I can’t wait to move

I kinda freaked out after my doctors call .

I feel a lot better now. I think it was just a hormone issue because of the lowered dose of my testeretone. I think I have things under control now.

I was also going through my old online pharmacy records and I do actually have another zofran refill on file from when I was seeing my old primary a year ago. So I don't have to go to the new one to get it again. So thats good.

As usual 🙄... 2:25AM and I'm wide awake, even after taking 200mg of seroquel an hour ago. Went to bed at around 11:45PM and woke up at 12:30AM.

Ugh!!! Fudgcicle!!!!

I feel like running around the block. I would if we didn't live in such a shyt neighborhood.

I'm full of all sorts of unsettling feels that I'm sure would be resolved if I could just GET SOME FUDGING SLEEP.

Still not losing any weight. Am I still expecting things too soon? I feel more energized today. And less moody. And I feel more stable. So it was probably just the other med issue.

I hate to admit this because I really would like an excuse to stop taking it but the Seroquel seems to be helping stabilize my mood along with making me sleep (which is why it was prescribed). Sleepwise it's hard to fall asleep the last few nights but I could sleep forever. However yesterday I had to get up for therapy and had to do something in the afternoon so I didn't have a nap. Today I got up especially to go for a walk with my mom and dog and only had about 45 minutes of a nap and tonight I did a low impact aeobics video. So I did about 5x the steps i've been doing. And I feel just a bit better than I have been.

I hope this continues because during the time I was not exercising because of my back injury I re-gained 10 lbs and it is not coming off quickly. I am hoping the exercise does the trick or I don't know what will. And I really desperately need to lose the weight to do my best at avoiding a diabetes diagnosis in May. Plus I'm sick of being fat. Knowing I can lose weight makes me want to lose more despite the annoyance of gaining more. And I really hope the Seroquel doesn't make losing harder or worse cause gain. It's only 50 mg (may have to go to 100 if falling asleep is an issue) so I'm hopeful it won't cause me to gain. I don't remember gaining until a higher dose in the past. But that was a long time ago so my memory may be faulty.


Hopefully I can repeat tomorrow. The outside walk may be impossible because of rain. I wish I had a treadmill or something at home but I don't. I don't want to join the Y because at the moment I'd pay the fee and never go there because ti's too hard to change and drive there feeling depressed. Maybe eventually.