Bipolar Check-in #79

I slept all night then I was able to keep down half a bottle of water and about 12oz of a Mountain Dew. But I think thats enough for right now.

I kept the water and Mountain Dew down. I ate half a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast at 7. I got some Gatorade and a Powerade and I drank the Powerade at 9. At 11 I ate a bowl of ramen without the broth.

So far everything has been ok but I don't think I'm going to push it much more with food. I've taken Tylenol and Pepcid and Zofran to avoid an incident like last night. I just feel kinda blah right now I guess.

I'm sort of feeling things coming on. I took more tylenol. But I've kept down water and food all day so I'm not dehydrated

cliffnotes version of the below post: a neurologist I saw today wrote in his notes that my symptoms are probably all in my head. That's what I get for tracking symptoms. I wonder if he'd think this if I didn't have this stupid bipolar diagnosis.



After waiting 3 months, I finally saw a neurologist today (my primary care doc wonders if I have POTS). I went online to read his appointment notes. He asked me what meds I'm on, but not what they are for. He wrote that I "apparently" have bipolar disorder. No matter what meds I'm on, how about ask me!? He ordered an autonomic test, but I have a feeling he thinks it's useless. His notes said that, if the test results are fine, a somatic symptoms disorder should be considered and my psych should do some neuropsych testing.

Thanks for ordering a test even though you think it's all in my head doc. Like, what's the point. Why make me wait up to two weeks for someone to even call me to schedule the test, then wait forever to be able to get the test (and probably have to take off work for it), if you don't think it's needed. And, don't assume my psychiatrist (well, he assumed I have a pdoc without asking too) hasn't done any testing. My pdoc did a neuropsych test during my consult appointment a little over two years ago and ran bloodwork to see if my meds might be causing issues.

My biggest fear in all of this has been that I'm sick enough for symptoms to affect my daily life, but not sick enough to get a formal diagnosis. If tests keep coming back fine, I'm worried my PCP isn't going to take me seriously about different illnesses either.

I'm praying to God that something shows up on the dizziness test I am getting done on Monday (if I can handle not taking my psych meds tomorrow-Sunday) so doctors don't think I'm completely nuts.

It sucks that there is so much stigma about mental health, even in the medical world.

I have to get the same dizzy test done too in May and I'm thinking I just won't be able to do go off my valium for 3 days. I'm thinking of just not doing it because I'm worried about my mental health.

I went out to lunch with my mom today for my birthday. It was good- mini burgers and onion rings with ranch. And bonus- a free cheesecake slice that we also shared. I’m home and feel like taking a short nap on the couch.

Oh man am I ever tired. I slept just 5 hours last night. My usual before the med changes was 9-10 hours.

I'm on day 8 of Vraylar. No changes or side effects yet. They say it can take weeks for side effects to show up.

I dropped off my car for service. I was in an accident, not my fault, last month and they are fixing something they didn't get right the first time. I'm ok, but the car is not.

My “short nap” turned into 3 hours! Where did the time go?

I hope your car gets fixed well soon. I hope you don’t get side effects from Vraylar, too. Get better sleep tonight.

Meds are good but started a new diet pill called GOLO and it really lowers my blood sugar and makes me really sleepy. I'm probably going to stop taking it. CPAP is working great but was really depressed today. This back and forth with my husband has finally come to an end because I've changed my number. It's been painful but had to be done.

It was a clear night tonight, so I took some photos of the night sky.

Below is a galaxy called the Black Eye Galaxy because it looks like someone has a black eye. It is 17 million light years from us and it was first discovered in March, 1779, that's 245 years ago this month. Pretty amazing!

The image is a little grainy because I just edited it on my phone, but it gives you an idea about how the galaxy looks, maybe try to zoom in on it. Enjoy!

@Mountaindewed it's such a hard choice to have to make-figure out what's going on with ones physical health or don't rock the boat with ones mental health. If you decide not to get the test done, I hope your doctor is understanding!

@Scooter9 that picture is amazing! How were you able to capture it? Do you have a telescope that somehow allows you to take pictures on your phone of what you can see using the telescope?

I wonder if I was going through a dramamine withdrawel. I did just stop it cold turkey. I read you can throw up and stuff from going off it suddenly. I ran out and just forgot about it. I am also wearing my glasses today which I think is the main issue. I did feel a lot better once I put them on.

I'm not a Beyonce fan but I did check out the new album when it dropped at midnight to see what the big deal was going to be.

Remember its Good Friday so it gets dark and then light again at 3PM. So they say.

Hi @June08, glad you like the pic!

Yes I have a telescope that I can use with my phone. I actually have a couple of telescopes that work with my phone. It's an obsessive hobby

I'm so tired of feeling shhtty. Easy solution: take Wellbutrin and get hypomanic. I get beautiful euphoric hypomanias. Downside: spend $8,000 on shoes and act like an idiot.

@Scooter9 - I've got to get me one of those telescope camera things, I would be there all night with the sky!! I love everything astronomy, and everything Star Trek too for that matter, (except the newer ones, blah).

In a really good mood. Got dressed up and actually wore makeup into work today. I really needed to get out of the house and feel better about myself. I should dress up more and do nice things, I think it's really important for stable mental health. Thinking about my husband a lot, well ex - I know he's thinking of me too, I can feel it. I know it was abrupt to change my phone number, but I think the damage has been done and I needed to move on.

Pretty good mood wise, no manic or depressed feelings to report.

Happy Birthday @Moose72 !

Haven't showered since Tuesday. Daughter kept on nagging me this morning about how I needed to take a shower and finally I snapped and yelled, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" Not my best moment. She said, "FINE! I'll leave you alone." And stomped off to her room. I felt TERRIBLE. I felt even WORSE. We've made up since then though, complete with hugs (though she told me again that I needed to take a shower).

I'm supposed to be going go a local metal show with my husband tomorrow night, and just the thought of cleaning the apartment (so our babysitter doesn't think we're slobs) and taking a shower and making myself look presentable and actually going somewhere is exhausting.

Was supposed to see my therapist this morning but she had to cancel unfortunately, but I see my pdoc on Wednesday which is good. Hopefully he doesn't cancel. If he does I'll cry 😭. Was thinking about just stopping the phentermine. It's not giving me energy. It's not decreasing my appetite. It's honestly doing nothing. I haven't lost a single pound. It's like taking a sugar pill. Completely pointless. I'm so disappointed.

Zero creativity. Just the thought of being creative makes me tired.

I'm just a worthless human being right now. I hate this. I have mustered up some excitement over the April issue of the ezine though. Three great stories to publish by wonderful authors. Got back my interview from that author and her answers are interesting and engaging. Can't wait to publish it.

So at least I'm excited about something I guess.

Seventy-two hours since my last Coke Zero!

It turns out I misunderstood my ENT office's instructions about when to stop taking my meds. I was thinking stopping at midnight on Friday meant nothing after 12 am today. But, they called with a reminder to stop all foods and meds on the list by midnight tonight. That feels much more doable. I'll take my Saturday morning meds right before midnight tonight. That just leaves Sunday since my test is Monday morning. I'm still a little anxious, but much less than I was before about having to stop my meds for a bit before my dizziness test.

This may be a dumb question but do any other ADs help your depression without sending you high? I know Wellbutrin is pretty activating.

Hope you feel better soon!