Bipolar Check-in #79

Is that something you'd consider? Like I said it really helps me with anxiety. I've learned to manage overall anxiety although we still have to talk about things that are making me anxious, like this week I'm anxious about getting a haircut. But knowing that I can talk about what it worrying me helps me have less overall anxiety and I'm less likely to worry about worrying which used to be a huge problem for me.

I think I’l lask my case manager about. It, yes.

I saw my pdoc the other day. Like my therapist she felt I am doing very well and am totally recovered from my depression and doing the best I have for years. She agrees that the addition of low-dose Seroquel to my meds is very beneficial and I'll be staying on it instead of coming off like we'd planned when I started it. In a few months I'm going to start provigil to see if we can decrease my need for sleep to maybe 10 hours instead of 12. It's all good and I'm glad. I'm excited about the provigil; every winter we add more sedation and then can't take it away in the summer like we plan. So working around it is a better option and provigil is generic now so I can afford it even if my insurance doesn't cover it.

It's good.

I can’t do anything right. All I’ve had to eat today is a few spoonfuls of strawberry cobbler. My non-boyfriend won’t answer my calls. When I lay down to sleep, my hands shake terribly. I’m on the max dose of Ingrezza. I can’t live or sleep like this. Being taken off Ingrezza has really messed me up. I suppose it hasn’t been two weeks since I was put back on it which is the time frame my Pdoc gave me.

I should shower and wash my hair today but I know I won’t. I’ll likely leave it for this weekend!

Saw my pdoc today. When I told him the name of the neurologist I saw, my pdoc flat out said the doctor is an *** and told me he has seen this neurolgoist describe patients in not so nice ways in paperwork. I'm very non-confrontational, so I'm not sure where I'll find the courage to do this. But, if I end up getting this autonomic test done, I also need to look into if/how my insurance would cover me seeing a different neurologist.

My pdoc also told me that when he starts cutting back hours (probably not until 2025) he's willing to be flexible/stay a little late so I don't have to change pdocs-what a relief!

@Moose72

It's going to be okay.

My hands don’t shake when I’m typing into my phone. They act up the most when I try to relax. Makes falling asleep darned near impossible.

I am feeling good today. That stomach med screwed with my anxiety real bad yesterday. It also just made me feel really off mental health wise. Its called Bentyl. Well the name brand is called Bentyl. I haven't taken it in over 24 hours and I've been fine. I picked up my regular Pepcid Complete and chewable Pepcid AC. I had been out of those for 2 weeks. So I was using Tums and Walmart brand Pepcid. Which were just making things worse. I took a Pepcid complete an hour ago and my heartburn is gone.

So I think I'll just stick with Pepcid and Zofran. The ER did give me another anti nausea med but it interferes with my Geodon. I took it last night though and it helped.

I set up a follow up ER visit with my kidney doctor for next week since they were the most worried about my kidney level.

I kinda wonder if I have diabetes. My dad died from it and my mom has it. My mom normally brushes off my medical concerns but this time shes like "yeah.. I'm not sure if you don't have it."

I see my pdoc on Tuesday. Ideally I'd like to be back on 200mg of Lamictal. But I shouldn't even be taking the 75mg I've been taking.

I think my pdoc is still pissed becaused I called about the new nausea med and he won't let me take it until I get an EKG. I have back to back doctor appointments on Monday so I can ask one of them for an order, but it might still take awhIle to actually get the EKG done.

I'm not really looking forward to next week.

Second day this week I’ve been seeing silver shimmery shapes and confetti

My sister is such an air head sometimes. She set up an appointment to get her car "looked at" so we have had my niece for almost 12 hours. And my mom just got a call from my sister saying the brakes are so bad the dealership won't let her drive it. Why did she wait so long? There could have been an accident.

I keep getting this weird feeling in my throat. I know the eye lady was sick yesterday and was right in my face for half an hour. I'm trying not to worry about it.

Is it still being a hypochronidiac when you do legit get sick all the time and its diagnosed by a doctor?

Called my case manager today and told her that my hands shake pretty badly. She wrote an email to my Pdoc, saying that maybe she could change my Ingrezza dose but I think I’m on the highest dose already. Of course, nobody got back to me by 5 so. I’m out of luck for another night of hands shaking badly.

Today was
Stressful

I’m alive but I feel so much anxiety. About work. Due to go back in a week after the Easter “break” where I can’t even drive anywhere. Absolutely nothing to do so I walked my son around the neighbourhood whilst he rode his bike. See my pdoc next week Thursday in the morning. Have an 8:30am appointment and we’re driving with work traffic so will take me around 2 hours for my partner to drive me there. Nothing l leaving 6:30am!

Feeling pretty good today after getting a slow start. Sometimes I think my mood dips because of the grief I feel due to loneliness. I miss my husband a lot, mainly at night, but I know I made the right decision. Today was a good day though, chaired my first AA meeting at my homegroup, even though I didn't really want to go anywhere today.

Then treated myself to half a roast beef sub, which I really shouldn't have but it was sooo good. Then relaxed and watched "Get Him to the Greek." which is a really raunchy but funny movie.

Really good mood though!

So much crisis at work and worrying about school has me so stressed and seeing stuff again. I just wanna lay in bed and rot.

Now there’s an interesting phrase: “lay in bed and rot”!

I'm 14 days into Vraylar.

My SH thoughts have stopped, which is good. I'm still feeling low, but it could be a couple of more weeks before I noticed anything.

I'm completely off Latuda now.

Sleep is still a problem. I see my pdoc in 5 days, so I guess we'll address it then. I'm coping by staying awake until 1 am, so if I sleep 5 hours, I'm up at 6 instead of getting up at 3 or 4 am if I went to bed earlier. I am tired though, so I know I'm not getting enough sleep.

Anxiety is still a problem, but I'm controlling it with Klonopin twice a day.

I've been off trintillex for almost a week and out of bed that whole time. We fixed Victoria's room now are house is a mess. We have to much stuff for such a small place. We just have to get used to living here because no other apartment has called us. I'm so worried about everything. Especially about money. Got our first parking ticket of the session. H had to stay in the car until 6 am because there was nowhere to park. Another month questioning on keeping the car. We need it, I can't walk far but it's so expensive.

Just day two of my decreased gabapentin dose and I'm already feeling it. Just overall weird feeling. I don't like it. 😞 Trusting my pdoc on this one though. He said it's increasing my appetite and causing weight gain, so... I actually don't know why he's so insistent on me going off my gabbies. He's brought this idea up in the past and in the past I've told him hell no. I'm just so desperate right now I guess I'm willing to try anything. And I feel rather beaten down with depression and willing to just trust the man knows what he's talking about. So weaning down on the gabby it is. If I have nightmares tonight though I'm calling tomorrow. I'm NOT dealing with the gabby withdrawal nightmares!

Sales on one of my books is going rather well. I reached bestseller list on Amazon in two categories. Now I just have to write my next novel. I know the genre I want to write. I have a general overview of what I want the book to be about. It's just a matter of executing it and having the mental energy. I don't feel exactly full of mental energy at the moment. I have a flash fiction idea I'd like to write before I delve into a novel.

I'm nearing that time of the month again. Tmi but I'm bloated as ****. Soon I'll start crying about everything! Ugh. I have to call my GP and schedule an appointment to have my blood pressure checked so I can get a refill of my stupid phentermine (I've lost one pound. Yippie). Maybe it takes more than one month? Idk. I'm just really disappointed 😞.