Bipolar Check-in #79

LadyShadow · Apr 28, 2024 at 07:05 PM

When I watched Svengoolie last night, and even though he was cracking a lot of jokes about it that little Zuni doll at the end of Trilogy of Terror kept me up all night. It freaked me out as a kid and freaked me out most of the night so I couldn't get up this morning and go to church or see my parents. Was pretty upset about it and feeling like a failure, but I picked myself up, made a pep-talk video for my video diary, and got on with my day.

God spoke to me today and said it was okay and to spend the day with Him, which I did. Even though I missed my morning sermon at my church I got to listen on to Joel Olsteen's Live Sermon at 10am and the message was "You are Worthy" which helped my self-esteem a lot. I still feel broken and beat myself up so much.

Was also worried about mania creeping in, but I think I am going to be okay. Went to Zaxby's and cheated on my diet with shrimp and fries, it was so good and so worth it. It ended up being a really good day.

Moose72 · Apr 28, 2024 at 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

When I watched Svengoolie last night, and even though he was cracking a lot of jokes about it that little Zuni doll at the end of Trilogy of Terror kept me up all night. It freaked me out as a kid and freaked me out most of the night so I couldn't get up this morning and go to church or see my parents. Was pretty upset about it and feeling like a failure, but I picked myself up, made a pep-talk video for my video diary, and got on with my day.

God spoke to me today and said it was okay and to spend the day with Him, which I did. Even though I missed my morning sermon at my church I got to listen on to Joel Olsteen's Live Sermon at 10am and the message was "You are Worthy" which helped my self-esteem a lot. I still feel broken and beat myself up so much.

Was also worried about mania creeping in, but I think I am going to be okay. Went to Zaxby's and cheated on my diet with shrimp and fries, it was so good and so worth it. It ended up being a really good day.

I know who Svengoolie is and the doll from Trilogy of Terror is very scary!

unaluna · Apr 28, 2024 at 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I know who Svengoolie is and the doll from Trilogy of Terror is very scary!

One of my absolute favorites! Oh ladyshadow - i was GROWN and it scared the carp out of me! You poor baby!!!

Love svengoolie. I have friends who used to live on ...BURwood!!!

LadyShadow · Apr 28, 2024 at 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I know who Svengoolie is and the doll from Trilogy of Terror is very scary!

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

One of my absolute favorites! Oh ladyshadow - i was GROWN and it scared the carp out of me! You poor baby!!!

Love svengoolie. I have friends who used to live on ...BURwood!!!

You have no idea! I love that you guys know about Svengoolie, I've been watching for almost a decade now. Do you know he shows Trilogy of Terror often? I better close my eyes next time! Maybe because I live alone now it bothered me more than it should have!

June08 · Apr 28, 2024 at 08:17 PM

My mystery chronic illness has been acting up more and more since this past Tuesday. I think I aggravated it with a longer walk I went on on Monday. The time/energy requirements of the wedding and reception I went to yesterday, along with not drinking enough water, has definitely made it worse too. I ended up laying in bed for 3 hours today and have been to exhausted to do simple things such as cook an easy to make meal.

Energy wise, it feels like I did when I first got sick in November and wasn't working. I'm worried about making it through work tomorrow and to my counseling appointment. It's been awhile since I've seen her so I really could use the appointment. In general, it's a busy week this week.

My bipolar symptoms seem to be leveling off though-I am going to try and go back to 1 mg of risperidone to see if symptoms stay at bay.

Crazy Hitch · Apr 28, 2024 at 09:36 PM

Currently at work. Very nervous for this class I get to see in 1.5 hours. I haven't seen them in a week since they last behaved so badly due to my son being ill last week. I really hope they're OKAY today. They don't have to be perfect, just okay! And do the work. And arrive with equipment. It's not too much to ask. I should add stay seated. Okay, you get the drift lol.

LadyShadow · Apr 28, 2024 at 11:07 PM

So scared of mania. Really scared. Is it possible that I am unable to accept happiness? If that is that case, I feel doomed then, because when I'm miserable, I just want to be happy, and when I'm happy I'm scared. This sucks! BOO YOU bipolar!

MuddyBoots · Apr 28, 2024 at 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

So scared of mania. Really scared. Is it possible that I am unable to accept happiness? If that is that case, I feel doomed then, because when I'm miserable, I just want to be happy, and when I'm happy I'm scared. This sucks! BOO YOU bipolar!

I'd be afraid of feeling good because of the association of euphoria with mania, but now I look out for my more tell-tale signs like lack of need for sleep, hypersexuality, being unable to keep up with my thoughts, and certain specific behaviors I get involved in like listening to multiple songs at the same time, especially specific songs (a couple overt "yeah, I'm manic" ones are Experiment on Me by Halsey and Handlebars by Flobot) on repeat. Hell, if I find myself in Maine that's probably a sign.
But yeah, (hypo)mania has way more tangible symptoms than just "do I feel TOO good?" and being able to recognize those starting to bud becomes easier over time (although maybe not responding in an appropriate manner

)

Victoria'smom · Apr 29, 2024 at 01:55 AM

I went on a date with my husband tonight. Bought painting supplies and 2 schetch books. Then went for burritos. After spent 45 min for drive thru at Wendy's for Victoria. Got everything set up for tomorrow to paint. Have pdoc tomorrow and have lost my words. So this should be fun. My nephew is in the hospital with heart issues. Victoria seems to have given up on adulthood. I have to tell pdoc I'm lactating. I have to take the bus tomorrow. I don't remember the last time I showered. Not looking forward to tomorrow.

Scooter9 · Apr 29, 2024 at 09:41 AM

I had just 2 hours of sleep the night before last, and 5 hours last night. I'm really tired. Coffee doesn't seem to help.

My anxiety is up again, so I needed Klonopin yesterday and today.

LadyShadow · Apr 29, 2024 at 11:06 AM

Today is a really slow day, but it's a good one. I think I am going to deal with my fears of mania head on. I got 9 hours of sleep last night and honestly, I think that's one of the biggest signs of mania like @MuddyBoots said - I am getting enough sleep, so I should be fine.

I hate waiting around for jobs to come in though, Mondays are the worst. Have my salad in the fridge from Zaxby's from yesterday and I am really looking forward to it.

Mountaindewed · Apr 29, 2024 at 01:53 PM

Just the same puking a lot and stomach hurting a lot kinda day. I took an hour nap this morning. I called my pdoc and asked if I could go up on my lamictal and prestiq. So I'll see if he'll be ok with that. I'm pretty depressed about everything.

MuddyBoots · Apr 29, 2024 at 02:07 PM

fk man, just spent like an hour filling out an online job application only for there to be a glitch in the site and, because it's not in season (summer job), there's no one answering the phones.

LadyShadow · Apr 29, 2024 at 02:11 PM

Reallllly slow today. Only made chump change for the past 4 hours. I don't even think this is worth it sometimes. Must be a slow day today.

Brentus · Apr 29, 2024 at 03:20 PM

Well, IÂ’m home finally. My appointment was fine although I got a little nervous. TheyÂ’ve really added a lot of internal structure to the clinic both in space and personelle. Efficiency too. TheyÂ’ve made quite a few policy changes as well. Just seems like when things are fine everything will run smoothly. But if a minor problem arises I may be up a creek . Just the impression I got. Least everything is fine for now .

I hate traveling even relatively short distances Â— the process is just exhausting. 3 hour round trip + time to stop and eat. + appt time. = 5hrs total . I wish I could say IÂ’m done for the day but I still need to go to the store. Oh well. Largest part done.

Thanks for reading.

Victoria'smom · Apr 29, 2024 at 04:16 PM

Went to pdoc. No good news. He wants me to try TMS. Had to go down on latuda because of the lactation but my prolactin levels are fine. Going up on Zoloft. I'm supposed to be taking 120 latuda but I only have 80 mg tables and they can't be split. So 80 it is until the 60's come in. Doubling up my Zoloft until the new pills are in. I'm giving up hope. What if this isn't depression and this is just who I am. I'm desperate but TMS sounds scary. I just don't want to get so desperate that I regret what I do. what if I need dopamine? I'm treatment resistant depression. I don't want to be treatment resistant.

LadyShadow · Apr 29, 2024 at 04:28 PM

Work picked up a little bit even though I botched one assignment a bit. Hope I don't get a low rating because that really affects how many jobs I get. This used to be a fun job, but sometimes it can be so painful. Thankfully, I only do these one or two days a week.

Hope everyone is having a good day : )

Crazy Hitch · Apr 29, 2024 at 06:42 PM

The class I was worried about yesterday were even more awful than I imagined.

Parent teacher conferences today so no classes that I’m teaching so I get to start a bit later. Feels weird being home at this time but I’ll be going in shortly I guess. Walking back to work because I dropped my car off there this morning so I can get a parking. Just praying it doesn’t rain on my way back is all.

JaneOnceMore · Apr 29, 2024 at 07:20 PM

Quiet day, still healing from my stomach upset. Went in my IRL support group's online social hour. That was okay. One woman dominated, insisting on laughing at stuff that wasn't funny. I watched crap on Netflix. Wish i had something better to do with my time.

LadyShadow · Apr 29, 2024 at 07:46 PM

Really nice evening so far, talking to an old friend I haven't in years.

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Bipolar Check-in #79

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,588 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,918 hugs given	Apr 29, 2024 at 01:53 PM #772 Just the same puking a lot and stomach hurting a lot kinda day. I took an hour nap this morning. I called my pdoc and asked if I could go up on my lamictal and prestiq. So I'll see if he'll be ok with that. I'm pretty depressed about everything. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,453 (SuperPoster!) 3 5,016 hugs given	Apr 29, 2024 at 02:07 PM #773 fk man, just spent like an hour filling out an online job application only for there to be a glitch in the site and, because it's not in season (summer job), there's no one answering the phones. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.

LadyShadow Wanderer of Distant Stars Member Since May 2012 Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York Posts: 24,985 (SuperPoster!) 12 9,443 hugs given	Apr 29, 2024 at 02:11 PM #774 Reallllly slow today. Only made chump change for the past 4 hours. I don't even think this is worth it sometimes. Must be a slow day today. __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love

JaneOnceMore Member Member Since Feb 2023 Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names Posts: 371 1 2,317 hugs given	Apr 29, 2024 at 07:20 PM #779 Quiet day, still healing from my stomach upset. Went in my IRL support group's online social hour. That was okay. One woman dominated, insisting on laughing at stuff that wasn't funny. I watched crap on Netflix. Wish i had something better to do with my time.

LadyShadow Wanderer of Distant Stars Member Since May 2012 Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York Posts: 24,985 (SuperPoster!) 12 9,443 hugs given	Apr 29, 2024 at 07:46 PM #780 Really nice evening so far, talking to an old friend I haven't in years. __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love