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  #26  
Old May 02, 2024, 07:36 PM
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raspberrytorte raspberrytorte is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
]Vaguely remember talking to my case manager in person today. She was trying to get a hold of me, but I didn't answer any calls because it made sense that if I talk to someone, either I'll be honest and be shamed or punished or I'll lie and they'll think I'm okay. I'm afraid I'm going to wind up IP. Again. And then feel better in a day, get discharged, come out, and THEN DEAL WITH THE SAME SHYT.

Possible trigger:
Don't take too much of that stuff! I overdosed on it years ago and woke up three days later in the ICU hooked up to a breathing tube because I stopped breathing and almost died. Not good.

I'm sorry you've been in such emotional anguish. 😞

I hope the therapist can help you.

(((Hugs)))
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  #27  
Old May 02, 2024, 08:45 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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A 3 day break sounds nice. I don't think anyone would call EMS on me though. I'm okay with getting off the roller coaster too.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #28  
Old May 02, 2024, 09:53 PM
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raspberrytorte raspberrytorte is offline
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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
A 3 day break sounds nice. I don't think anyone would call EMS on me though. I'm okay with getting off the roller coaster too.
What do you plan on doing, muddy?
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous

The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token

"What if I can't get up and stand tall,
What if the diamond days are all gone, and
Who will I be when the Empire falls?
Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token
  #29  
Old May 02, 2024, 11:43 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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I don't have one.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
  #30  
Old May 03, 2024, 11:55 AM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2017
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Posts: 7,001
I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now. IP might not be the worst thing for you right now. Reading this thread, I am worried for you.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
Hugs from:
MuddyBoots, unaluna
Thanks for this!
MuddyBoots
  #31  
Old May 03, 2024, 12:21 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Ayyyy it's @Blueberrybook!!!!

I have a lot of reasons to not go IP right now. The main one is it'll be a waste of time and money. I know I'll get out in anywhere from a day or two to a month and feel hopeful for a couple hours and then run into some speed bump and immediately go back to the "who knows what destructive thing Sam will do today" status quo.

Right now there are three (trying to make amends with someone I only slightly pissed off so that might be four soon) people I'm on good enough terms with for them to let me sleep on their couch or spare bed, and I'm keeping them happy with prepping meals and keeping a clean space. I feel fine right now. I think from now on I can keep things under wraps.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
bizi, JaneOnceMore, raspberrytorte, unaluna
  #32  
Old May 05, 2024, 09:31 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2020
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How do you know if you snorted coke and just don't remember it?
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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