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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
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Apr 29, 2024 at 05:25 PM
#21
oh my God! My case manager came by earlier and said I have an appointment FRIDAY with a therapist!
Literally posted this jumping with joy all excited 3 minutes ago and now I just want to crawl in a hole and have someone fill it. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Australia
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Apr 29, 2024 at 06:38 PM
#22
Sorry it’s so up and down
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 unaluna
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,493 hugs
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Apr 30, 2024 at 07:34 PM
#23
I never had such intense interpersonal storms and an emotional rollercoaster that I felt with my entire being when I was in the woods passed out drunk alone every day.
Future can be better than present AND past??? I want to give everyone I've talked to more than twice a break from me. And I think I need a break from the amplified insecurity I'm feeling from feeling confident and hopeful with a person and then so unstable and vulnerable when there is the faintest (perception of) a slight, too. Yeah, being alone fking sucks, but talking to people every day and then feeling 100000% lonelier when you are sitting with yourself sucks more. ahhhh FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!! I don't know how someone can go from soooo high and feel like everything is together and loving and passionate to feeling such despair, loneliness, and hopelessness and wanting to kill herself so freaking rapidly! __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] Last edited by MuddyBoots; Apr 30, 2024 at 08:45 PM.. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
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May 01, 2024 at 10:35 AM
#24
Honestly, I don't think I even have bipolar d/o. What are my "manias" but being a touch more impulsive than already very impulsive? Or feeling like this roller coaster got stepped up from Magnum XL-200 to Millennium Force? What are my "depressions" but simply not filling the void with some vice?
Haven't been on meds in a while and do not notice a touch of a difference. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
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4 6,493 hugs
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May 02, 2024 at 05:14 PM
#25
]Vaguely remember talking to my case manager in person today. She was trying to get a hold of me, but I didn't answer any calls because it made sense that if I talk to someone, either I'll be honest and be shamed or punished or I'll lie and they'll think I'm okay. I'm afraid I'm going to wind up IP. Again. And then feel better in a day, get discharged, come out, and THEN DEAL WITH THE SAME SHYT.
Possible trigger:
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
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May 02, 2024 at 07:36 PM
#26
Quote:
I'm sorry you've been in such emotional anguish. 😞 I hope the therapist can help you. (((Hugs))) __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,493 hugs
given
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May 02, 2024 at 08:45 PM
#27
A 3 day break sounds nice. I don't think anyone would call EMS on me though. I'm okay with getting off the roller coaster too.
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
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May 02, 2024 at 09:53 PM
#28
Quote:
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
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May 02, 2024 at 11:43 PM
#29
I don't have one.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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May 03, 2024 at 11:55 AM
#30
I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now. IP might not be the worst thing for you right now. Reading this thread, I am worried for you.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
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4 6,493 hugs
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May 03, 2024 at 12:21 PM
#31
Ayyyy it's @Blueberrybook!!!!
I have a lot of reasons to not go IP right now. The main one is it'll be a waste of time and money. I know I'll get out in anywhere from a day or two to a month and feel hopeful for a couple hours and then run into some speed bump and immediately go back to the "who knows what destructive thing Sam will do today" status quo. Right now there are three (trying to make amends with someone I only slightly pissed off so that might be four soon) people I'm on good enough terms with for them to let me sleep on their couch or spare bed, and I'm keeping them happy with prepping meals and keeping a clean space. I feel fine right now. I think from now on I can keep things under wraps. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,565
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,493 hugs
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May 05, 2024 at 09:31 PM
#32
How do you know if you snorted coke and just don't remember it?
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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