Bipolar Check-in #80

Mountaindewed · 05:12 PM

Today my nausea and anxiety are a lot better. I haven't had any soda and I haven't thrown up at all. I had an iced coffee and a lot of tea, but that was fine. I also didn't take any Zofran, and my anxiety was fine. The prilosec seems to be working well.

I'm hoping to hear back from my doctor tommorow. I still am having some stomach pain.

I really am doing a deep clean of my pantry. I got rid of a ton of stuff that bothers my stomach. My brother in law is taking my soda today.

raspberrytorte · Jun 16, 2024 at 11:20 PM

@Mountaindewed

Zofran never made me anxious, but of course I wasn't on it very long, and didn't need to take a lot of it for my pain related nausea. I'm happy you're feeling less anxious. Anxiety sucks!

June08 · Jun 16, 2024 at 11:20 PM

I had orientation today to volunteer at a small dog rescue shelter. The main role of volunteers is to interact with the dogs. They may also need help with things like folding laundry, cleaning up the outdoor space, and bathing dogs. They never ask volunteers to do the main cleaning. I'm excited to get to hang out with dogs and to have this as a way to get out of the house, but I'm also nervous because I don't have experience with some of the dog temperaments they have there.

I didn't reach out to my counselor today like I said I would. I'm putting it off because I know it will be an emotionally tough session and because I'm embarrassed by the fact that I still need to go to counseling once a week even though I have been going for three years. But, I would never look down on someone for going to counseling as often as they need to so I need to work on not looking down on myself for this too.

raspberrytorte · Jun 17, 2024 at 12:09 AM

Talked to husband. He IS depressed/anxious/stressed. I was all like, "If I died I wouldn't want you to be a lonely old man! I wouldn't want that for you!" And I started crying, and he was all like, "Come here, don't cry!"

I couldn't help it. I love him so, SO much. I hate to see him so depressed and stressed out and at odds with himself and the world in general. I asked him if he wanted to see a therapist, and he said no because he feels awful afterwards when he lets his guard down for anyone but me. Right now he's sleeping and I'm wide awake which is really unfortunate because we're leaving for our trip early tomorrow morning and I still have to pack and everything. Hopefully a nice, family getaway will be good for Husband and he'll come home feeling a bit better.

I just feel so helpless. I don't know how to help him. He thinks I'm going to crash soon. I don't think so. I think I would have already.

Blueberrybook · Jun 17, 2024 at 09:19 AM

I woke up with night sweats last night and still am feeling weird this morning. The only thing I can think is that I had taken Lyrica for 2 days and then skipped it yesterday. It seems like it wouldn't have been long enough to cause night sweats, but who knows? I am pretty sure I remembered to take my Seroquel last night unless I forgot to put it in the pillbox for last night; I know from experience that skipping even 1 or 2 doses of Seroquel causes me to have miserable night sweats.

I saw the pdoc this morning; he didn't change any of my medication but was of the opinion I need to get out more and should volunteer or something. I have such a hard time being among other people; it just feels like so much strain and I feel so self-conscious and awkward.

Mountaindewed · 02:38 PM

The nurse from the GIs office back. She said based on the results of the test it does look like I have irritable bowel disease. They want to do a colonoscopy. They are booked until September though. So I'll have to manage things on my own until then. The good thing is I now know whats been causing my issues and its not in my head like the first hospital was hinting at
Also this can drain you of energy so I'm not just being lazy when I can't leave the house or can't take a shower.

Today I've been just feeling kinda mid. Its hot out and I'm throwing up a bit.

I took a Zofran around 11 last night and I woke up with a lot of anxiety at 3 and I had to take a valium. I never take valium that early.

LadyShadow · Jun 17, 2024 at 01:52 PM

Feeling much better today after the past emotional rollercoaster of the past couple of nights. My period is coming soon, (it's actually a week late), and I have been wondering if all of that is affecting my moods. Yesterday was a really good day - my dad drove all the way back to New York to take care of some things, but I was able to give him his Father's Day present and also spent time with my mom. My mom got to speak to my boyfriend for the first time, so that was good too.

Came home last night and just spent some time cleaning my house. Spent the evening with my boyfriend talking about books, movies and dystopian stories. Just interesting conversation. Woke up this morning with a new sense of purpose as I finished cleaning the rest of my house, changing the water for my flowers, and taking a nice shower and dressing up. I managed to do another video diary entry, I haven't been keeping up with it lately, they are very instrumental in self-reflection and keeping a record of some of the things I've been through. I recommend them to anyone who wants to gain introspection into themselves.

I want to commend you on going for the risperidone increase @June08 - my doctor recommended that same dosage for me to keep up with my bipolar treatment plan. I think that regimen has me being the most stable I have ever been. I am curious to see how well you do on it too, it has been extremely helpful to me.

Painfully aware that my 44th birthday is approaching next week. Usually, it would depress me, but with all the amazing things happening in my life, I am trying not to let it get me down. These bouts of self-sabotage I plan on talking to my therapist about, I want to enjoy the happiness instead of trying to find fault with it.

Felt good today, so I took a selfie to go with my video diary entry : )

Blue_Bird · Jun 17, 2024 at 02:59 PM

My therapist of 7 almost 8 years died unexpectedly this weekend. I just got a call from the office telling me. I’m so devastated. I’ve been crying

BeyondtheRainbow · Jun 17, 2024 at 03:11 PM

@Blue_Bird I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a pdoc unexpectedly when I was in grad school and it was really hard even though we didn't have a very close relationship. So I can imagine how hard losing your therapist would be. Did they offer for you to talk to someone else while you are dealing with the shock of this news?

Blue_Bird · Jun 17, 2024 at 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

@Blue_Bird I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a pdoc unexpectedly when I was in grad school and it was really hard even though we didn't have a very close relationship. So I can imagine how hard losing your therapist would be. Did they offer for you to talk to someone else while you are dealing with the shock of this news?

Thank you, yeah they have one of their crisis people who is gonna be calling and meeting with her patients to help with processing the grief. She was my favorite therapist I’ve ever had

Blueberrybook · Jun 17, 2024 at 04:51 PM

@Blue_Bird

I am so sorry for your loss. That must be devastating.

@LadyShadow
I'm glad you're feeling better. What a beautiful picture!

I got in today to see the dentist on a cancellation for my broken tooth. I was really nervous I would need another root canal, but fortunately it was just a crown. Paid a bit extra to get the laughing gas this time. Last time I had a crown, I got it without the nitrous, and that was rough. Definitely money well worth it.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jun 17, 2024 at 06:23 PM

overngiht my friend dixie died of an apparent massive heart attack at age 38. she leaves behind three sons all under age 5. so sad.

im still experieincing hallucinations. i guess should have told my new pdoc last week but i didnt trust her.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jun 17, 2024 at 06:25 PM

@HALLIEBETH87 I'm sorry for your loss and for the poor little boys who lost their mother.

All of you are in my prayers.

MuddyBoots · Jun 17, 2024 at 07:54 PM

@Blue_Bird That's rough. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope the crisis people are able to help as much as you need. Are they going to help you get in with a new therapist?

@HALLIEBETH87 Sorry for your loss as well. 38 is way too young to die from a heart attack, you and Dixie's family and friends are in my thoughts.

MuddyBoots · Jun 17, 2024 at 08:20 PM

I get to see a pdoc next week. I'm not going to get back on meds. I just need a doc to be on my side for being my own rep. payee. I'm not even going to go for the Naltrexone like I said I would because it makes me feel like shyt. Maybe sobriety makes me feel like shyt though. Same difference.

Also, kinda impatient on getting the lab results from yesterday back. I sleep 14+hours a day now.

raspberrytorte · Jun 17, 2024 at 10:19 PM

@LadyShadow

You're very pretty!

@Blue_Bird

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your therapist. That has to be so hard. And shocking for that matter. You are in my thoughts.

@HALLIEBETH87

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That's way too young to die of a heart attack. And how heartbreaking that she left small children behind. 😢 You are in my thoughts.

June08 · Jun 18, 2024 at 12:15 AM

@Blue_Bird and @HALLIEBETH87 I am so sorry for each of your losses.

@LadyShadow risperidone has been a game changer for me! I'm glad it helps you too! I tried SO many antipsychotics before risperidone and they either didn't work at all, didn't work that long, or gave me really bad side effects. For some, just one dose gave me debilitating side effects. I started at .5 mg of risperidone. Within just a couple of days the guy I was dating at the time said he could see a noticeable improvement and I sure felt a heck of a lot better. For reasons I don't remember (maybe, just my brain getting used to it?) I had to increase to 1 mg at some point. My pdoc said he has had patients go as high has 16 mg with risperidone so, hopefully, that means this is a med I can stick with for a long time, even with any needed dose increases (as long as I don't get side effects at higher doses that is).

MuddyBoots · Jun 18, 2024 at 08:30 AM

I was on risperidone for a bit and it worked great and then they switched me to 37.5 of the Risperdal Consta and that was awesome until the hospital fkkked up and gave me 50 and I became delirious. Thought I was breaking into people's apartments and drinking beers with my sister in Boston and got lost in a corn maze and was kidnapped to this cabin in Maine where this dude had a moose head on the wall and a totally occupied gun rack. While in patient. It also rained ants and cocaine.

Incredibly rare reaction though. They actually had to report it to the FDA because that is not any sort of listed side effect and the doc there couldn't find any other cases of that happening. But yeah, Risperidone was good for me too until 50mg of the consta for me.

Mountaindewed · 10:09 AM

I'm throwing up a lot this morning and its really hot out so I moved my therapy appointment to virtual. I don't want to end up with heat stroke or dehydration or some ****. I'm already dizzy when I stand up and I'm in the AC.

I'm actually wearing shorts and a white cooling T shirt and sandals today instead of my normal jeans and black t shirt and Nikes though.

A bit tmi but if I could just take a shyt I think I'd feel a lot better.

Scooter9 · Jun 18, 2024 at 01:35 PM

So sorry for your loss @Blue_Bird and @HALLIEBETH87! Death has a way of changing the survivors - it made me appreciate the time I have with the people in my life.

I had a tough workout at the gym today. I sweated a lot, which my trainer said is a good thing.

The swelling in my feet from a reaction to Vraylar continues to improve a little each week I can more easily fit into my shoes and I'm not as quickly made tired by doing simple things like going up the stairs.

My anxiety is way up for some reason. Not even the Klonopin is helping much. And of course the depression follows it, it is worse too.

My T and I tried to figure out what was causing the anxiety but she ended up just giving me advice about how to cope with it for now. Can't really get to the bottom of it in a single appointment. Her advice helped a little.

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Bipolar Check-in #80

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,508 (SuperPoster!) 11 15.1k hugs given	Jun 17, 2024 at 02:59 PM #368 My therapist of 7 almost 8 years died unexpectedly this weekend. I just got a call from the office telling me. I’m so devastated. I’ve been crying __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

BeyondtheRainbow Wise Elder Member Since Apr 2015 Location: US Posts: 9,665 (SuperPoster!) 9 11.9k hugs given	Jun 17, 2024 at 06:25 PM #373 @HALLIEBETH87 I'm sorry for your loss and for the poor little boys who lost their mother. All of you are in my prayers. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily