Bipolar Check-in #81

No, it’s not you. It may feel that way but it’s not you!

My classroom is starting to look pretty good. I'm in the final stretch of setting up. If I feel well enough, I am going to go into school tomorrow to get tasks done that I didn't get to today. I had to leave earlier than I had planned to because I wasn't feeling well. My coworkers have been so supportive as they learn about my POTS diagnosis.

We have a smaller class this year so that's nice. Being in a private school, I am spoiled when it comes to my class sizes. One of the other junior high grades isn't so lucky though-those teachers are going to struggle fitting enough desks in their classrooms.

Depending on how I feel, my weekend will probably be a mix of chores, errands, and getting ready for Sunday's open house and Wednesday's first day of school.

I hope everyone's weekend is exactly what you need it to be!

I danced again and lasted longer than yesterday. I had a good time. It's a great activity for me. HAES! Health at Every Size. I'm going to talk about food, so those who are sensitive need not read:



Hugs to all the anxious people on Earth!

@MuddyBoots

You sound in a bad way. As someone mentioned you're not making sense and we're worried about you. Maybe it's time to go to the ER. I think you may be psychotic. 🫂 ❤️

I agree about being worried about you! ❤️. You might need the hospital. I know it sucks but hopefully they can stabilize you! Big hugs! 💕

My son got his money and is flying high! They took him to get this vape pen which is 50% nicotine! I think he has asthma and they are only going to allow pouches or lozenges. But they also took him to Walmart and he got a lot of stuff there. He wouldn't tell me how much. He is an adult and can spend it as he wishes but I told him to be mindful of what he really needs or just blows it on things and to plan ahead.

Today was a ok day. I only got 5 hours of sleep and I really need at least 7. I might have to add one of the doxepin I had lowered it. My sister said do take 30 mgs and then the next night take 20 and then the next night take 30 and then the next 2 nights only take 20. So slowly reduce it and eventually I'm only on 20. Do it again to 10 and then get completely off of them. Lowering both gabapentin and doxepin is too much.

I'm going to be talking about food so I'll put a trigger on this.

I know you're not going to get this because apparently you guys don't understand anything I'm saying, but I can't go to the hospital until I read The Secret Life of Bees. Just trust me on this one. Does Li2 + CO3 -2=Li2CO3? No. It equals pissing every five minutes until your kidneys are used in chili.

Come on. Let things flow. If we're on a trail, do you just follow the trail and travel it SOLELY for the purpose of the trail? HELL NAH BROSKI! We look at the trail. We experience the trail. But not only that, we can adventure and experience what SURROUNDS The trail! That's what I'm talking about! Simplify it. Feel the alpine zone, and hear me out, alright?

@MuddyBoots

I got two hours of sleep last night. 🌙 You're actually making sense (maybe because I hardly got any sleep last night?). You're manic as fukk. Lol. How much sleep have you been getting? Take a nap.

This. Your posts are not making sense. It sounds like you're psychotic, not just manic. I'm sorry to say, you need the psych ER at this point.

Thanks to those of you putting food/weight loss in a trigger box. It's much appreciated.

My mood has been good, and I slept 8 hr. last night. I often fall into depression after mania, so I'm worried about that. I want the stabiity to last. I guess that means not cutting my Seroquel dose in half; when I do that, I have more energy in the morning, so it's always tempting. So far, I've been taking the full 300 mg dose at night.

I walked/jogged this morning. The humidity outside is just awful. I need a chill day today; I feel the anxiety amping up.

I was up for most of the night with a stomach ache. Feeling exhausted right now. Supposed to go to coffee with Noah this morning. He said he’d call me.

My anxiety was for sure from the Prilosec. I feel fine today. My stomach is fine too. I've managed a couple glasses of chai latte and a breakfast sandwhich just fine. The itchness is gone too. I slept good last night but I did wake up a couple times but not for long. I had some dream where I was at a wedding and everyone had to wear nothing but towels. I got up at 6 something and I fixed my freezer. The only thing of mine that is still a real mess. My closet is done and my pantry and soda collection are done. So it was just the freezer. I got it fixed. Today I just have to do laundry I think.

Good morning, I slept good. Waiting for some packages to come.

Enjoying a relaxing day doing whatever I want. Tomorrow I have my volunteer shift with the rescue cats. I feel pretty good, gonna try to get myself on the treadmill today.

I read for an hour this morning. Gonna spend some time with my boyfriend later. I forget whether he works today or not. If he does then we’ll just spend time together tomorrow

My apartment building finally has a housing specialist again so they finally put out a calendar of activities. I’m gonna be helping with two of them.

First event coming up is coffee/juice morning this coming Monday in the community room. I’m gonna go to that.

I’m gonna clean some today and try to practice violin as well. I feel pretty motivated today.

My current pharmacy called me to tell me they’re closing and merging with one that’s quite a bit farther away from me. So that sucks. Now my pharmacy trips are gonna take much longer because I’ll have to take the bus and walk as well instead of just walking down the street. It’s a bus ride and a 20 minute walk there after that at the new one. So annoying and inconvenient. If I had a car it’d be just a 5 minute drive there. But I don’t drive. I think in the winter time I might just take an Uber there and back whenever I need to pick up my meds cause I know I won’t feel like walking in feet of snow and ice and dealing with the bus.

Wow blue bird! That’s a long way away. Yeah everyone assumes that everyone has cars. I’m sorry. What an inconvenience.

Just an insane couple of days. My ex-mother in law called to tell me my ex isn't doing well at all.

Possible trigger:

He went BACK out in the streets using after getting beat up last week really bad, to get beat up a SECOND time even worse, this time with two black eyes, a broken nose, and some broken ribs. And they took his shirt and shoes.

The hospital wouldn't admit him because he knows exactly how to talk to doctors to not get admitted. My ex MIL is at her end, she really wants him institutionalized because he just can't handle life on his own.

Personally for me, I took it hard. I just cried and cried and prayed for him. I know when she calls me it is triggering, and the best thing would be to block her number, but I have such history with them, I just don't have it in me to do that. It's been a painful couple of days but I've made it through with friends, family and my AA group. The most positive thing isn't I didn't go drink in all my sadness, which is the thing my boyfriend was the most concerned about.

Today is going to be a good day. I've decided to give my ex to God and find healing in my heart.

Possible trigger:

I really believe he will die out there though.

and I am trying to make peace with that. Hope everyone has a really good day today, my bipolar symptoms are doing really good since I got about 10 hours uninterrupted sleep last night. I think I will accomplish a lot today.

@LadyShadow
That's so tough with your ex. It's hard to let all that history go. Awesome job on not drinking though.

Coffee went really well with Noah. We always find something to talk about! I came home and took an hour and a half nap to catch up from last night.

Did they call it coffee because they ate the beans and said “I’m coughy”?

And spilled the beans and said “this is how we control the world”

But yeah, I’m good. Had a very good night . I learned a lot, and now I know how to do something’s never thought to be done or at least never tried because of danger and exposes

I wanted a forever nap earlier, but now I just want an owl to bring me mail.

For all those concerned I have been talking with the as needed peeps at my mental health center. She doesn’t understand what I’m saying which is good, but she could be playing dumb fishing dor me to keep explaining. I don’t know if I should tell her I see each atom. Those crazy sub shells. Watch me as I integrate ha ha ha ha ha

What the fk??? I tried not to believe it, but I was saying it just in case, but your questions just say it all. Yes I am in the hospital but not being seen. I am seeing. The dots are connecting. They already were connected but now I know. This is PROOF. JUST TELL ME. I KNOW JUST TELL ME.

I AM WRITING! I JUST DONT LNOW MY FAVORITE PHILOSOPHERS NAMES SPELLING. THE BLUE DUDE.

I am on page 4 of the day. But I forget stuff and I don’t know how protons form neutrons. Energy applied becomes mass I guess

You’re gonna yell at me later. Well not yell, but try and see if I’ll let you know that I know what you know and that you do know that I know.

But I won’t. I’ve kept secrets for years.