Bipolar Check-in #81

Blueberrybook · Jul 26, 2024 at 06:06 PM

@raspberrytorte
Great decision to quit vaping! It's not good for you; plus, you get the extra cash. What tattoos do you already have and what do you want to get?

@Moose72
I hope the biotene toothpast helps your mouth!

I did fine driving to & from the library with my daughter. Plus, I had quite the stack of holds to check out. Now, I've got plenty of reading material which is good since I'm burning thru the current book I'm reading

Today I didn't have any high anxiety and NO panic attacks. Not 1. Wow, it has been forever since that has happened to me! I did slip and have 2 diet sodas but I did well in the AM and had decaf coffee instead of regular. Decaf isn't as good as regular but I suppose it tastes somewhat like coffee even if it doesn't have the punch regular coffee does. I know diet soda isn't that great for me plus it does have caffeine ,but I'm working on cutting down from 3 or 4 sodas a day on top of 1-2 cups of coffee each morning, and it is too overwhelming to do it all at once. My problem too is I find water so BORING to drink. I need to start adding lemon or lime to it to help. Maybe I still have a few lemons that are still good, possibly limes. I'll have to look.

MuddyBoots · Jul 26, 2024 at 06:49 PM

Ohh with this heat I've been mixing gatorade with water (little trick I learned from the park), and it's definitely not as boring as water. I don't really mind water that much though, but it's nice to spice it up a bit.

Possible trigger:

Every day the sui thoughts get worse, and then I want to drink, but then I tell myself I can't drink, and then I want to SH because I can't drink, and I just want a hug but not one that makes me feel scared, awkward or uncomfortable and I don't think I've ever had one of those. I feel like I could write a radiohead song right now.

bizi · Jul 26, 2024 at 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Ohh with this heat I've been mixing gatorade with water (little trick I learned from the park), and it's definitely not as boring as water. I don't really mind water that much though, but it's nice to spice it up a bit.

Possible trigger:

Every day the sui thoughts get worse, and then I want to drink, but then I tell myself I can't drink, and then I want to SH because I can't drink, and I just want a hug but not one that makes me feel scared, awkward or uncomfortable and I don't think I've ever had one of those. I feel like I could write a radiohead song right now.

I am sorry you are having a hard time now. This too shall pass.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 26, 2024 at 08:34 PM

i texted 988 for a while. i needed to talk to someone about how dire i feel. i havent felt so apathetic in a while. its making every part of life diffcult. im watching the olympic games opening. im too afradi to travel that far away from home though id like to. im lucky i have 5 kitty cats to keep me company while husband is at AA meetings all week nights. im alone alot. right now i like it becasuse i can feel like **** and not hide it.

JaneOnceMore · Jul 26, 2024 at 09:06 PM

I'm feeling good. Had good ZOOM events yesterday and today and the weather is nice and cool.

Scooter9 · Jul 26, 2024 at 10:04 PM

I had a break today from taking care of my mother. My son went over and did a few things with her.

I went to the gym today for the first time in weeks. The workout was hard because I'm out of shape now. Well, that's relative to how I was before. Last year I could do 45 situps and do 1 leg squats. Now I struggle to do 20 situps and can only do some 2 leg squats.

Seroquel really did a lot to me, I gained 50 pounds on it. Now to get it all off again!

My anxiety was bad today so I took a Klonopin but I didn't need the afternoon dose. Stomach issues persist, I guess it'll be that way until the anxiety gets better but who knows when that'll be.

I'm starting to get brain zaps from the Rexulti withdrawal. I'll take one tomorrow and then again in a few days if I can stand it.

My reality pauses for a moment during a brain zap, which can be pretty disorienting. My mind has to catch up with what it missed while the zap was doing its thing. It's a really odd sensation.

My depression is up, which is understandable given that I'm off 2 meds now. Next to stop is Prozac but I'll see how I feel in August. I might try adding Caplyta first to find out if it'll help.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 26, 2024 at 10:12 PM

@Scooter9 Have you ever tried an MAOI? For me it was the first med for depression that actually worked and didn't stop working over time. I've been on it 15 years now and it still is working. Everything else I tried (and I tried just about everything available before 2009) and it's still working. No real side effects as long as you avoid the "no" foods and that's pretty easy when you get used to it.

Mountaindewed · Jul 27, 2024 at 12:48 AM

My sleep and moods are a bit off. I'm getting about 5-6 hours of sleep a night and then taking a nap during the day. My therapist told me I've been through so much with my health issues and I've been in survival mode for so long and now I'm crashing and to just be kind to myself. Things have gotten better. I just feel blah.

Mountaindewed · Jul 27, 2024 at 01:23 AM

I'm still not sleeping. I swear I was fine depression wise after my colonoscopy, but I seem to be having some weird mood swing type issues that I wasn't having before. Idk if they are related.

Manarinorange · Jul 27, 2024 at 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

We had so much fun at the farm today! 😁 Got to hold chickens and bunnies and pet goats and sheep and cats, and we got sprayed with mud by this ENORMOUS pig that was VERY obviously a male pig.... lol. Then Husband and I hung out for a few hours just the two of us and after that the three of us went to the park and were silly for a while. Got some great pictures from today!

Tmi, but I don't understand why my periods have gotten so much worse with age! Like they're so excruciatingly painful now they make me nauseous. 🤢 Luckily I have a bottle of unopened dramamine. When I was Daughter's age they weren't like this, and she's like the way I was at her age. And my mom is NO help. I tried talking to her about this to see if it happened to her too, and she just told me to talk to my doctor. Even MIDOL doesn't help all that much anymore!!! Wtf man!

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow morning. I hope I wake up in time. I got eight and a half hours of sleep last night. Yippie! That hasn't happened in forever! I'd set the alarm on my phone, but I sleep straight through alarms. I sleep like a rock. NOTHING wakes me up. It's quite amazing actually.

I'm glad you had fun at the farm! When my son was little we would go to the farm animals at the fair. He loved it! I'm glad you got some good sleep! Yay!

Manarinorange · Jul 27, 2024 at 01:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thank you! Those are good ideas! Aromatherapy helps me a lot. I was able to get through the panic/dissociation last night by going to sleep. Sometimes it requires going to sleep to kind of reset my brain if that makes sense, then I wake up feeling better

That's great that going to sleep helps you! I was too terrified when I was having those panic attacks. So glad that helps.

Manarinorange · Jul 27, 2024 at 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I got my car back after a whopping repair bill. I'm a little anxious to drive it again, afraid all the warning lights will come on again, BUT the mechanic swears the brakes are fixed, there's a new battery in, and the alternator has been changed, AC is working again, along with an oil change and topping off all the fluids. So it should be good again, I just always get anxious driving the car when it's fresh out of the shop in the fear I'll have a breakdown. Really, we've got AAA and they tow but I worry about it going haywire in traffic without a place to pull into to stop the car.

My daughter says she is OK with me driving her to the library. Because I'm so anxious when she drives, she is fine if I drive. I'm telling her to bring her learner's permit anyway, just in case I DO need to let her drive. It is an easy drive to the library, 15 minutes most of it in 30 mph speed limit zones and plenty of places to pull over if I need, so it should be OK. I'm a little anxious about it though. I like having my keys and the option to drive if I need to, but I don't enjoy driving at all since my bipolar has gotten worse with age. Bipolar just distracts me so much from what is going on, and I have to work extra hard to stay in the here and now and pay attention to traffic. I can do it, but it's definitely not the fun, easy driving I had in my early 20s.

Me either about the driving. Before I was taken off lorazapam I'm so anxious driving. If it's a familiar place I have no problems. But if it's way way on the other side of town I'm full of anxiety. Especially the valley here. I know other sided of town, and that's where my son is. But 5 years ago I would have been fine. I've come up with a plan to make my son's bus ride shorter. I'll just pick him up at my pdocs office which is downtown and will cut my son's bus time in half.

But anyway I get it.

Manarinorange · Jul 27, 2024 at 02:46 AM

The wound is gone! She said I have some creases behind my calf like right above my ankle and she thinks they were rubbing against each other. So she said next time I shower to wash it gently with warm soapy water and to always keep an eye on it. It hurts a little bc it's just really fresh skin. They put a big bandage on it and gave me a couple more.

I didn't talk to my son today bc I was busy. I'll call him tomorrow. Today was a good day.

How can I leave a smiling face or other icons when replying to someone? It's not doing it for me. It just puts it at the top.

Rosi700 · Jul 27, 2024 at 04:28 AM

@MuddyBoots These thoughts will go away with time ... I think you are clever who fight them so strongly!

Rosi700 · Jul 27, 2024 at 04:38 AM

I went out again yesterday to buy the groceries for the weekend. Today I will use the day for cleaning and hoovering. To do work in the home is among the worst "things" I do, but it has to be done ...

Wish all of you a good weekend!

MuddyBoots · Jul 27, 2024 at 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manarinorange

How can I leave a smiling face or other icons when replying to someone? It's not doing it for me. It just puts it at the top.

There's an icon for a smiley face and a drop down arrow next to it. Select where you want the smiley in your text (idk what it's called, but the little line that shows where you're typing), and then use the arrow to show the smileys and pick which one you want. There's a ton more at the very bottom where it says "show all smileys" and sometimes you use enough of them that you remember what smiley goes to which text, like a colon and a parenthesis make a happy or frowning face depending on which parenthesis you use.

MuddyBoots · Jul 27, 2024 at 07:38 AM

Possible trigger:

Cannot go 3 hours without picturing myself carry out a specific sui plan.

I'm going to try and do as much reading as I can today. See what Voldemort's up to today.

Blueberrybook · Jul 27, 2024 at 07:40 AM

@mararinOrange
To get to the menu with the smileys, you have to choose the "Go Advanced" in green next to the "Post Quick Reply" button.

I've been having a rough morning. I had decaf coffee, but I'm having HUGE anxiety over having to skip my morning walk due to rain (again!). Both my OCD and ED do NOT like this. I have been struggling with ED thoughts stronger than normal lately

Ugh! I hate anxiety b/c it seems to also bring on some hypomanic behavior in me. I don't know if it's true hypomania, rather just behaviors like irritability, quick anger, going thru tasks quickly and not thoroughly, racing thoughts, etc. I am trying to calm down and grounding and deep breathing are not helping. I do have an aromatherapy diffuser and the oils to use with it but H is sleeping in the bedroom and he's been so stressed lately I do not want to disturb him.

I am going to make some chamomile tea to calm down and if that doesn't help I'm going to chop some of the extra Seroquel I have from different old prescriptions down to 25 mg since pdoc used to prescribe me 25 mg Seroquel to help with anxiety and panic. I know I really should NOT do that with the Seroquel, maybe I'm still a bit hypo, but I'm also desperate to end this long round of high anxiety and panic.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 27, 2024 at 07:55 AM

i slept ok at best. went to bed around 1 am and up at 8. wide awake. kitty was in bed with me all niht so i felt loved. just had some coffee and about to shower. i didnt shower yesterday bc i was afrad id SH.

Blueberrybook · Jul 27, 2024 at 08:03 AM

@MuddyBoots
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Is there someone you can talk to? Can you call a hotline?

@halliebeth
Awesome that you took a shower. Having a cat next to you in bed feels great.

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Bipolar Check-in #81

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JaneOnceMore Member Member Since Feb 2023 Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names Posts: 442 1 3,114 hugs given	Jul 26, 2024 at 09:06 PM #105 I'm feeling good. Had good ZOOM events yesterday and today and the weather is nice and cool.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 37,911 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,374 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 12:48 AM #108 My sleep and moods are a bit off. I'm getting about 5-6 hours of sleep a night and then taking a nap during the day. My therapist told me I've been through so much with my health issues and I've been in survival mode for so long and now I'm crashing and to just be kind to myself. Things have gotten better. I just feel blah. __________________ I'm Blue

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 37,911 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,374 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 01:23 AM #109 I'm still not sleeping. I swear I was fine depression wise after my colonoscopy, but I seem to be having some weird mood swing type issues that I wasn't having before. Idk if they are related. __________________ I'm Blue

Rosi700 Grand Member Member Since Nov 2022 Location: At the coast. Posts: 846 1 3,381 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 04:28 AM #114 @MuddyBoots These thoughts will go away with time ... I think you are clever who fight them so strongly! __________________ Never forget to structure your days! Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances!

Rosi700 Grand Member Member Since Nov 2022 Location: At the coast. Posts: 846 1 3,381 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 04:38 AM #115 I went out again yesterday to buy the groceries for the weekend. Today I will use the day for cleaning and hoovering. To do work in the home is among the worst "things" I do, but it has to be done ... Wish all of you a good weekend! __________________ Never forget to structure your days! Be responsible: Paddle your own canoe in all circumstances!

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,152 (SuperPoster!) 3 5,850 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 07:38 AM #117 Possible trigger: Cannot go 3 hours without picturing myself carry out a specific sui plan. I'm going to try and do as much reading as I can today. See what Voldemort's up to today. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]

HALLIEBETH87 Legendary Member Since Oct 2004 Location: usa Posts: 11,426 19 2,769 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 07:55 AM #119 i slept ok at best. went to bed around 1 am and up at 8. wide awake. kitty was in bed with me all niht so i felt loved. just had some coffee and about to shower. i didnt shower yesterday bc i was afrad id SH. __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety celexa, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin