Bipolar Check-in #81

I just looked at my credit card balance online! Omg. It started out with eating out all the time but then I had to pay $55 for the lidocaine maalox mouth salve and then I bought the biotene toothpaste which I need and welp I’ll be paying this bill off for a few months! I’ll have to cut down on spending. Thing is I used to be fine! It’s just this evil mania that got away with me. At the time before I knew it was the toothpaste/dry mouth hurting my mouth so bad I felt I had no choice but to buy the mouth liquid at the place that doesn’t take insurance. I’ll be paying this off over several months. My vet credit card has a balance too but it’s got reasonable payments that I can make over in time. I just know my credit score has taken a hit because I’m over the one third mark of my limit. And to top it off I need gas but I hope I can hold out till I get my money again in a few days. I always like to fill up at half a tank but I’m just below that now.

Tomorrow is church with N3 playing the prelude on the piano and he and his dad singing their duet. They’ve been practicing so it should sound spectacular! I hope the recording comes out good. I’m going to sit up front and use my iPad to record it too just because but I really want a copy of the recording the other choir member is making. I can’t tell you how excited I am to go hear them and get a recording! N3 is picking me up on the way to church so we only have to find one parking spot

I read the side effects of Risperdal on the link at the meds board here and now I’m scared! Too many and TD is one of them! So many bad side effects- including death! And I was just trying to look up breast milk production which I had last time I was on it!

My Chicago friend wants to get together soon as it’s been almost 3 months since our trip when we last saw each other. We are talking about going to Big Chuck’s for pizza! They have the best pizza. We’ve only been there once and it was so good!

There's an icon for a smiley face and a drop down arrow next to it. Select where you want the smiley in your text (idk what it's called, but the little line that shows where you're typing), and then use the arrow to show the smileys and pick which one you want. There's a ton more at the very bottom where it says "show all smileys" and sometimes you use enough of them that you remember what smiley goes to which text, like a colon and a parenthesis make a happy or frowning face depending on which parenthesis you use.

@mararinOrange
To get to the menu with the smileys, you have to choose the "Go Advanced" in green next to the "Post Quick Reply" button.

I've been having a rough morning. I had decaf coffee, but I'm having HUGE anxiety over having to skip my morning walk due to rain (again!). Both my OCD and ED do NOT like this. I have been struggling with ED thoughts stronger than normal lately

Ugh! I hate anxiety b/c it seems to also bring on some hypomanic behavior in me. I don't know if it's true hypomania, rather just behaviors like irritability, quick anger, going thru tasks quickly and not thoroughly, racing thoughts, etc. I am trying to calm down and grounding and deep breathing are not helping. I do have an aromatherapy diffuser and the oils to use with it but H is sleeping in the bedroom and he's been so stressed lately I do not want to disturb him.

I am going to make some chamomile tea to calm down and if that doesn't help I'm going to chop some of the extra Seroquel I have from different old prescriptions down to 25 mg since pdoc used to prescribe me 25 mg Seroquel to help with anxiety and panic. I know I really should NOT do that with the Seroquel, maybe I'm still a bit hypo, but I'm also desperate to end this long round of high anxiety and panic.

I feel you with the overspending! Every time I get mania and hypomania I get bad about it. My credit card bill is going to be astronomical this month especially since I had to pay for new contact lenses and have a vet bill too. Plus, all the crap I bought off Amazon though at least most of it was cat stuff and things like deodorant and Sensodyne toothpaste.

I only got about 5 hours of sleep. But I don't have anything to do today so I'm going to take the dose of doxepin I cut back on. I cut it down to 20 mgs last night. It just might be too much. Right now I'm drinking my beloved Bengal spice tea.

About me leaving icons, it doesn't have a place to go Advanced. And it shows the next person that commented below the smileys. I think I need to contact someone about it bc it's not working correctly.

@Blue_Bird
Congrats on your 30 days!

I have problems with dissociation too. It happens a lot with my panic attacks though it also happens at times when I'm not panicking. I really hate it b/c I'm having to force myself to think that the stuff happening around me is reality even if it feels like it's not real and thinking that I am so f*KKed up, why am I not in a psych hospital.

Oh I must have dissociation wrong. To me it was pleasant. The world was not real and I was protected in my cocoon of dissociation. There were consequences sure, but it was my way of coping with unpleasant situations. Not a very good coping mechanism but the hardest one to give up.

@Scooter9 Have you ever tried an MAOI? For me it was the first med for depression that actually worked and didn't stop working over time. I've been on it 15 years now and it still is working. Everything else I tried (and I tried just about everything available before 2009) and it's still working. No real side effects as long as you avoid the "no" foods and that's pretty easy when you get used to it.