Bipolar Check-in #81

I slept okay, about 5 1/2 hours. Feel pretty good, going to take a walk downtown in awhile, get out of the house for a bit and get some exercise and fresh air. My mood is good. Right now I'm enjoying some coffee and music while I wake up. My boyfriend has the day off work so we're probably gonna do something later, probably watch a couple episodes of Naruto and play either Magic the Gathering or the Yugioh card games.

I bought my ticket to see Deadpool and Wolverine in theaters this coming Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it!

Tomorrow I have a volunteer shift with the rescue cats. Looking forward to that as well. It's always nice seeing them and playing with them, they're all so sweet

I'm looking online at pet beds for my cats, I want to get two beds, one for Mocha and one for Mustachio. Mocha loves having a cat bed to lay in, and he needs a new one cause his old one was extremely worn out. Mustachio doesn't care for them but I want to make sure they each have one, cause cats always change up where they like to lay

I slept around 9 hr. again last night. I am so glad my sleep is getting back to normal.

Ugh, I REALLY want to go for a morning walk, but it's raining outside AGAIN. It's been raining every morning for God knows how long. I am sick of it. Both ED and OCD thoughts absolutely HATE it! The rain is predicted to stop soon, but the weather channel keeps extending the stopping time.

It is causing me anxiety, irritation and anger. I am all worked up inside. It doesn't make sense. I know that by 8 AM the rain should stop and I can go walking then. But I don't like having to start later than normal, which is around 6, 6:30 AM.

Edited:
I couldn't stand it anymore. Finally I just walked in the light rain which did stop but not until 8:30 AM. At least it was cloudy and the sun wasn't beating down. I am pretty sure you are not supposed to overheat on Seroquel which is why I like to go walking so early. Plus, I am a morning person.

I am soaked and sweaty now and ready for a shower but am drinking water first.

I talked to h. I'm doing the $19 art program instead of the 2 year course. I wanted to do service dog training for others but I decided against it as the community seems toxic. My head is still jumbled. I leave Tuesday. I can't wait.

I'm a bit tired today because I was coughing a lot last night so I took some cold medicine at about 10PM. But I still did 10 minutes on the treadmill today, and my moods and anxiety are overall decent. I know I had a lot more energy without the 20mg Geodon but I had too many bipolar symptoms.

I'm really tired and I've tried dealing with it. I've tried working out some more and drinking caffeine. I don't want to take a nap. Bipolar wise I'm still ok.

@Victoria'smom
I'm so glad you get to go home soon. That was a long visit! I can't remember, did you say the $19 course is the less stressful one?

@Blue_Bird
I have 3 cats and NONE of them like cat beds! My 4th cat did, but we had to put her to sleep last December

I feel bad b/c somehow last night I locked our bedroom door; it is not an easy door to lock as the locking mechanism is not on the knob but locks when you turn the knob a certain manner. H & daughter were out, and I had gone to sleep. They came home and found the door locked and well...they panicked especially given I'd just gotten over a manic episode. I woke up to all this pounding on the door, them calling my name and "Are you all right? Please open the door!" Just barely awake, I got to the door and opened it, had to reassure everyone I was fine, the door got locked accidentally (which now that I think of it, we have only ever locked that door accidentally), but I hate that b/c of my bipolar, I worried them so much.

I am SOO enjoying reading again! I breezed thru the last book I read and got started on a new book. I have so many books I want to read now I'm pretty much stable again and mania isn't messing with my ability to read. Stability is worth it just for being able to read again though I am still combatting overspending (ugh!).

Sleepy tired day because the past couple of nights I've been sleeping like crap because of lady time of month. Ugh. Yawn. 🥱 I'm just so DEFLATED feeling right now. I wish I could sleep all day but I have things to do. Sigh. Oh well. I'll just do everything at once and get it over with and then take a nice nap. 😊

I'm SCARED to quit vaping. It's like my security blanket or something. When Daughter was little she had a stuffed bear she used to carry around with her EVERYWHERE and absolutely had to or she'd freak out. It's like that. I don't even vape when I'm stressed or anything. I just like nicotine a lot. I know I need to just jump off the ledge, but it's really scary for some reason!!! I keep on reminding myself that there are many people who don't vape and they're perfectly fine, so I'll be fine too. I just have to take the initial jump!

@Blueberrybook

For tattoos I have an ank, a lotus, an eye of horus, a moon and sun, and a little heart. I want to get a family themed tattoo and a Sleep Token tattoo. And probably get two more tiny hearts (to symbolize my family).

I wish I could read you guys' posts, but my focus and ability to read is just gone. Super tired and severe tremors. Sending my love

My recording on my iPad came out terrible. It’s like it recorded over itself because it’s just pieces! The church made a video of the service but the sound quality isn’t very good but better than my iPad recording. They are putting the recordings the church made on a memory stick which I hope they’ll have in the church office. I’ll have to get Noah to transfer it somehow onto a cd or put the sound file on YouTube. I dunno but I’m disappointed.

Yeah, I've never been able to get a good recording of anything without using a full recording studio and mic. I can get my voice talking using those headphones with a mic on the wire somewhat okay though, but obviously that's not an option for anything other than the wearer talking.

working on a developmental interview based on mindfulness based couples therapy. its annoying

Sorry you aren't doing too well. Any idea what's causing the tremors? Is it from the b/p?

I slept really well Friday night because I used the pdoc approved increase in ambien, but last night I just took 1 pill and didn’t sleep. Today I’m dragging. I was so lethargic I tried going back to be but couldn’t sleep. But laying there for about 30 minutes with my eyes closed really helped clear my addled head. I can focus now.

Speaking of cats my guy loved his beds. Down in Texas I had one in the window where he could watch the birds, squirrels and lizards. At mum’s I had one on a small table in front of the picture window and one on the floor in front of the sliding glass door, he used both. He also spent a lot of time on laps!

@Blueberrybook yes the $19 one is self paced. I'm going to try and keep the schedule but I'm not going to beat myself up if I can't.

Happy that you are going this route! good luck
bizi

I don't think it's the b/p. It's been on and off pretty bad for a bit, and earlier it was ridiculous. Not sure what's causing it. There is a pro though: it's literally one of the reasons I won't go to the liquor store. Once I went in with a withdrawal tremor and I got some looks and an "are you alright?" and that didn't feel too great.

I chatted with my CM a bit and she wants me to do something positive for myself. We came up with a bunch of negative stuff I can not do, and the positive was to call a friend. I feel worse because that friend didn't answer because she hates me.

wrote a 7 page paper in 4 hours. im sick of it

Having an amazing day today, despite being really mad at myself for not being able to get up and go to church, but I really just couldn't get up this morning for the life of me. Had to also go to the pharmacy and pick up my meds - I hate that so much, I am going two to three times a month to the pharmacy because the stuff for my medical (thyroid diabetes) aren't on the same schedule as my psych stuff - it is so frustrating having to run there so much, ugh.

But I suppose the world has bigger problems so I should stop all my whining!

Having a good afternoon at my mom and dad's. Dad is feeling better about being so lonely in North Carolina. Mom is amazing as always - she made a bunch of food which should last me a whole week at home. Just incredibly lucky, and just thankful of the support I have here. It was tough to hear from my ex-mother-in-law about my ex-husband last week - he is just not doing well at all in the streets

Possible trigger:

and had gotten beaten up pretty bad by some guys.

I feel for him, but he is just so caught up in that life and just can't stop. Plus he has no real support, other than his mom and dad, but my thinking is at least he has them to lean on, it's really just up to him if he wants to change.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday - it's always nice to see you all posting here, it always gives me such reassurance and hope.

watching the olympics. simone biles is the GOAT of gymnastics for the US.

hoping i make an ok grade in this class. feel like taking a W in it honestly. dont feel confident at all.

So my dog at home (14) has started to loose her bladder. She was fine when she went to the vet 2 weeks ago.