[MuddyBoots]

Nevermind ignore

[raspberrytorte]

But I don't want to ignore.

[Blueberrybook]

Are you OK? Everyone is concerned about you.

[MuddyBoots]

I typed “im okay” but now im not. She’s planning something. I just see that look in her eyes. CM said I seem “off”. I am on. I told her electricity flows to make me be just like everywhere. I threw out all my socks for that reason. Maybe barefootinf it will make me smarter. Or dumber. Idk whose charge is stronger. But if we could get rid of foot fungus we could fix the T. I keep going from sprinting up and down the road to practically passed out on the floor.

People keep saying they’re concerned or that I’m “off” or they’ve just pissed at me, and I keep thinking they just don’t get it. I have all these great ideas, but I’m having trouble integrating. Well, I can, I just don’t know why I should. Area beneath the curve? Oh, I get it now that’s the kind of stats they might use to sway the election. Total change in rate (increased), not change in rate of change (decreased). Different interpretations. Stats isn’t hard proof. It’s data that can be looked at in different ways for manipulation.

But maybe everyone is right? I donÂ’t know. I kept saying i was getting better,
But IÂ’m starting to feel sorry for but angry with Bo. I can have more than one emotion at a time. My mom hasnÂ’t said anything and I kinda live with her. She tried drowning me though, and sheÂ’s probably going to do it again, except I can swim, so her opinion doesnÂ’t matter.

I donÂ’t know what to do to get back on everyone elseÂ’s level. I donÂ’t know if I want to. IÂ’ve handled the sui thoughts, the violent impulses. I AM safe and no one can do shyt apparently so I donÂ’t see the point in looking for treatment. Even Bo were just waiting for him to die because heÂ’s a badass (and I hope I can be like him too). I want to ask what I should do, but I do not trust anyone because everyone has seen my work through the bushes and they might 1984 it out of me. I donÂ’t know if theyÂ’ll do that regardless of what I do . Or if thatÂ’s kinda what theyÂ’re doing now. TheyÂ’re going to point guns at me and tase me and pepper spray me again. I can cooperate but it doesnÂ’t feel right.

Idk. Logic v morals.

[bizi]

I say this because I care...I think you need to to the psych hospital.
Your thinking is getting worse and sounding like you may hurt yourself,
or some one else.
bizi

[MuddyBoots]

I just said this in check in, but I am NOT a danger. I am the target because I was stupid for knowing stuff and not sharing details.

[Blueberrybook]

Everyone is concerned about you. I'm sorry, but I do think the psych hospital is what you need at the moment.

[MuddyBoots]

Even if I go theyÂ’ll d/c me from the ER. ItÂ’s always brown haired lady who discharges everyone (a loooot of ppl attempt after seeing her) and the old guy knows me well and only admits me if IÂ’m planning on damaging. Because IÂ’ve been there a lot for failing triage evaluation but he says IÂ’m fine. Which I am. Everyone has times that they react to not eating omelets and breaking out of restraints of the mind. I donÂ’t like peanut butter still though. But hospital is a septic tank for me.

Hospital is for people in danger to self, others, or not functioning. None of that is me.

Even if I am “emotionally and mentally unwell “ it’s not like the fires will help. Sorry I mean fkers. I didn’t do anything in the reading list. I just bought Harry Potter and Brave New World.

I kinda do want help in case yÂ’all are right. Even if youÂ’re not I can tell them my secret and maybe I wonÂ’t be electrocuted for Big Brother. I just donÂ’t know how. I canÂ’t do the hospital. She wanted me to read about Bees secrets. Maybe that was intentional and I couldÂ’ve avoided that if I did.

[Crazy Hitch]

Tc of yourself muddy